And Then There Were Four
by partners621
Summary: Jamie and Eddie fight to keep their family together after a terrible loss. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

**A/N: Thank you for your interest in our newest story. This is unlike our last collaboration, Meet Me In Montana, although it is still definitely Jamie and Eddie centric. This story line contains graphic violence and deals with the aftermath of such violence. This is a powerful story. If you're a Jamko fan this will be a hard read but well worth your time. It was hard to write but very rewarding.**

 **This will not be for everyone, and we respect your decision if you choose to read or not based upon this warning, but that having been said, don't say you were not warned!**

 **This story will post each week on Thursday, however, to get the ball rolling, for this week only, there will be an update on Friday The rating will change tomorrow as well due to the content of the story.**

Prologue

Jamie caressed Eddie's huge baby belly as their little one moved and caused the skin to ripple. "I can't wait to meet her," Eddie smiled at him.

"Me neither," Eddie sighed. "You staying home again? I don't think she's going to come today."

"No, but I hate leaving you alone this close," Jamie fussed kissing her head.

"Don't worry," she whispered. "No action today." Eddie said that daily until one day she said it on the couch curled up as Jamie rubbed her belly. He shook his head, "No, it's today."

"What makes you so sure," eddie asked relaxed-at the feel of his touch in her stomach.

"I just know," he replied. "I just know you and I can tell." He snuggled her closer. "I'm staying close today."

Eddie smiled not really complaining about having him close laying her head on his chest.

Jamie sent their two older kids, Mary and Joe to Frank's early that morning. He sat with Eddie holding her and gently massaging her back and belly. "Jamie, she isn't coming today."

"I like to be ready in case , because I think she is Eddie," Jamie held her tight

Eddie turned her head and looked up, "We can always encourage her to come..." She batted her eyes at him.

Jamie laughed meeting her halfway the kiss soft. "We could yeah."

They started off with slow gentle kisses, soft caresses, then Jamie led Eddie to their bed. Jamie laid Eddie down locking eyes with her.

They had been careful making love with all three pregnancies, but this one, Eddie had more of a drive than the other two. The last few months they had no choice but to make love using different positions given Eddie's size, she had ballooned out much more with this third pregnancy and Jamie found her adorable.

He held her, rubbing his hand over her belly and up to her breasts. His body stirred at just this simple gesture, he was so attracted to her beauty as her body prepared to give their third child life.

Jamie turned Eddie to him and took her lips in a deep, long kiss. Their arms wrapped around each other, their legs entwined…Jamie held Eddie fast to him, they didn't even want air between them.

"I love you," Jamie whispered. "And I know our girl is coming, I feel it in my heart."

Eddie slowly blinked her eyes, "Then I trust you…but let's give her a little help."

It was no more than an hour after they had made slow and gentle love that Eddie felt a sharp pain in her back and a gush of warm water down her legs. "Jamie, my water just broke! I think you're right, she's ready," Eddie winced reaching for his hand grimacing in pain.

He smiled, "There you see, I did my part, now let's get you ready for yours. Breathe in and relax, we'll start timing them." Eddie squeezed his hand breathing in and out slowly until it passed.

They timed the length of the contractions and the time in between whispering soft sweet nothings until it was time to leave for the hospital. "Jamie, you have the bag we packed?" Eddie asked holding onto the dresser.

"Already in the car," he smiled.

"Okay, I'm ready. Oh, here comes another!" Eddie grimaced. Jamie held Eddie closer as they waited out the contraction.

They headed slowly to the car, the contractions we're eight minutes apart, but bad, very painful.

They headed slowly to the car. Eddie was breathing hard each time a contraction came, closing her eyes tightly against the pain.

Jamie quickly checked on her. "How you doing, Eddie?"

"They are hurting so much!" she gasped. " Really bad."

"I know Eddie, hang , I'll get you to the hospital," Jamie changed lanes.

Eddie took a long breath, they wanted to hold each other as soon as they got to the hospital.

Jamie was able to make good time getting Eddie to the hospital. Since Eddie was preregistered, she was sent up to the maternity floor.

A nurse gave Eddie the gown to change into and left them so Jamie could help her.

When Eddie was settled in bed, Jamie called Frank and let him know what was going on. "Give Eddie a hug for me and send a picture of my grandchild," Frank requested.

"Thanks Dad," Jamie replied. "Thanks for respecting that Eddie and I want to be alone for this. You know I'll keep you posted."

"Of course, I understand. Let me know when she arrives," Frank assured.

Jamie went back to Eddie's side. They walked the halls discussing her past labors, this one was already going slower.

"Wish she would come already," Eddie said through gritted teeth.

"I wish I could feel it for you," Jamie sighed. "I'm so sorry. What can I do? Want to stand up and dance a little?"

"I wouldn't give this up for the world. Let's dance, I'll try anything," Eddie sighed grunting in pain.

Jamie eased Eddie close and held onto her as they swayed back and forth gently. He pressed into her back to provide counter pressure, then contractions got closer together and more intense, but they didn't produce the baby girl. "Why is she taking so long Jamie?" Eddie breathed out once back in bed.

"The doctor is going come soon, we will know then," he soothed.

Eddie sighed, "What if something is wrong? The others didn't take this long to come."

"Don't worry." He sat on the bed and slowly rubbed Eddie's back up and down. "The others were probably Reagans, this one is more you..."

"I can't help it," Eddie rested her head on his chest sucking in a breath as another came. The doctors gave her something to dilate her faster; after an hour of that Eddie was in terrible pain. Things were finally accelerating.

She held Jamie's hand the entire time crying out, "It hurts!"

Jamie climbed on the bed with her and wrapped his arms around her rocking ever. so slowly, just enough for her to feel. "Ssh, I love you so much. Try and relax, breathe in, I'm here. I'm right here."

"I can't! It hurts so much," Eddie squeezed his hand tightly.

Jamie knew right now Eddie could not fight for herself, he had to do it for her. He buzzed the nurse, "She needs something now!"

The anesthesiologist gave Eddie an epidural to help with the pain. "Don't worry, Mrs. Reagan. This will help immediately."

"Remember when we held Mary for the first time?" Jamie asked. "Remember how that felt?"

"Hmm, that was the greatest feeling," Eddie agreed.

"You are going to feel that again, I promise you. Soon, this will all be a memory," Jamie soothed many times as the labor pressed on.

The doctor came in to help Eddie push. Eddie took Jamie's hand, "Ready? She was finally ten centimeters after 15 hours of labor. She bore down and pushed with all her strength. "Good, Eddie, good honey!" Jamie encouraged.

"I'm right here, I am not leaving your side," he assured her. "Don't be scared." He could read her so well.

"Jamie," Eddie grimaced taking a deep breath.

"Right here," he soothed. "She is on her way, honey. You need some help?" She had been pushing for an hour.

After another half hour, Eddie was told urgently by the doctor, "Stop pushing!"

"Doc, what's wrong?" Jamie asked holding Eddie's hand.

"They baby's head is out, but her shoulders are wedged. I have to reach in and adjust her shoulders. He looked at the nurse who put an oxygen mask on Eddie, then pushed her knees up towards her head to open the birth canal. She was sobbing.

"It's okay, Eddie I'm right here honey the doctor will help our girl," Jamie said.

"It hurts too much," she sobbed in the panic only a mother could know for her child.

"I know it'll be over soon," Jamie held Eddie assuring her.

"Okay Eddie," the doctor instructed. "Big push, really big."

Eddie took a deep breath and bore down pushing hard.

The baby popped out of birth canal and began to cry in earnest.

"She's here honey! You did great!" Jamie hugged Eddie teary eyed.

Eddie sobbed and leaned back into Jamie's chest as the little baby cried and let the world know Isabella Reagan had been born.

"I'm so proud of you honey," Jamie whispered kissing her head

Eddie snuggled to Jamie and he held her tight. "I love you so much... I want to see her."

The doctor did a thorough check bringing the new baby over to the anxiously waiting parents.

Eddie held her baby girl close to her breast and Jamie held them both to him. They kissed over the baby's head.

Two Days Later

Linda was reading a story to Joe and Mary when Frank arrived with Jamie, Eddie, and new baby Bella. The kids jumped off the couch going to hug their parents and meet their new sister.

"Hey, easy guys," Jamie whispered. "Mommy's still a little sore. Let her sit down then you can see the baby. " They followed to the couch eagerly climbing up on both sides for a peek.

Jamie held Eddie's arm and helped her to get settled, she was very tired after the long difficult birth. Mary sat on her knees smiling. "She's little," she gently rubbed a finger over the baby's hand.

"Yes, she is," Eddie smiled. "You were this little too when you were born, so were you Joey. But look how big you two are now."

Joey looked up from staring at the baby, "Me?"

"You," Eddie nodded and snuggled him tight. "You were tiny like this too and fit in Mommy's arms like this."

Joey looked back at the baby wordlessly. Mary smiled "What's her name?"

"Her name is Isabella, after Mommy's grandma," Jamie replied. "We're going to call her Bella because she is so beautiful."

"She is beautiful," Mary agreed.

"Mommy, Daddy, we have to do the candle for her," Joey said. Joey slid off the couch and ran to get a candle from the kitchen drawer. He was so adorable when he did that. He brought the candle over and wiggled between Jamie and Eddie, "Wish and blow, Mommy," he smiled. "Wish and blow!"

Smiling Eddie closed her eyes thinking of a wish for her daughter

When the children were in bed that night, Jamie and Eddie cuddled in bed, "Joe is so cute with that wish and blow thing."

"He is, it's a really sweet idea. We are lucky, Eddie, our kids are so sweet."

"I just wonder where he got the idea, you know?" Eddie replied. "Must be from the birthday candles, he started this after your birthday, happy moments, wish and blow..."

"Yeah maybe," Jamie held eddie thoughtfully. "Either way, it's a really cute tradition to do."

"It is..." Eddie replied snuggling closer even as Bella cried.

Jamie sighed, "I got her." He kissed her head and got up to check on their daughter. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly picking her up.

She was working her tiny lips, showing how hungry she was. Jamie carried her to Eddie, only she could fix that issue for now.

"Here Mommy, she's smacking her lips in the crib," Jamie said gently placing her in Eddie's arms.

Eddie smiled and held the baby to her breast, not realizing at the time this would be the beginning the most difficult time in her life.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Waah! Waah!" Five-week-old Isabella began to cry in her crib. Jamie and Eddie both stretched and woke up. Jamie kicked his legs out of the bed and went to get their newest daughter. Eddie would breastfeed Bella, like she did their two older children, for at least six months, then weaned them to a bottle because she wanted to go back to work.

This time though, she had decided to permanently leave the NYPD and be a full-time mother to their children. She wanted to be active in the PTA, work with the neighborhood watch, and take Mary, Joey, and Isabella to their activities, including a Mommy and me yoga class.

Jamie was happy to oblige her on that front. Between her trust fund and their savings, they could live simply on his income for the next few years until all their children were in school and Eddie took a part time job or rejoined the force.

"Here we go," Jamie cooed to the baby. "Off to Mommy, we'll put some food in that little tummy of yours." Jamie handed the little one to her mother. She quickly latched onto Eddie's breast and suckled.

Jamie sat on the bed, his arms around both his girls. "She looks just like you. Joey and Mary, you can't mistake they are Reagans, but Bella Beautiful, looks just like you."

"All of our kids look like both of us," Eddie replied. "This one has my appetite though, she is not even satisfied with feeding every two hours."

Jamie rubbed Isabella's foot with his knuckle as she nursed. "I just wish she slept a little bit better, I'm so tired."

"I know," Jamie replied. "I know, I get a break, I can get a few zzzs on patrol, but you have them 24/7. What if tomorrow, I gave you the day off? Bella is big enough to be with me for a few hours, I can take the kids for hot dogs and ice cream."

Eddie smiled, the idea of a few hours of uninterrupted sleep sounded so good. "Are you sure you want to use your day off like that?"

Jamie kissed the side of her head and stroked her arm, "Yes, I'm sure, honey. I love to spend time with our kids and their mother. I'd be delighted to have time with them tomorrow and for you to get some rest. She wasn't the easiest birth."

Eddie agreed and smiled at him, "Okay, then, I'd be grateful for a little sleep."

Eddie nuzzled the baby's head with her cheek. She looked at Jamie and then at the baby's tiny face. They made light conversation as the small girl worked on getting sustenance. They both agreed their family felt complete with their newest princess in their arms, and laughed at the image of their three little ones running in the sand at Jones' Beach.

"I think we might need to look into a bigger place," Eddie said after a minute. "I want the girls to each have their own space, so they can be who they are, be individuals."

Jamie agreed, that was the key to the health of any sibling relationship.

The baby dislodged and Jamie patted her little back to burp her before putting her back in her cradle. Eddie was asleep before he even slid into the bed again.

The sunrise woke them both and they stirred. It smelled like vanilla and lavender, Eddie's lotion. Jamie nuzzled her, wrapping his arms around her. "Three more weeks,' he whispered gently. "I miss you so much, we hold one another and kiss and touch but I miss the deeper connection."

"It's that deeper connection that got us having to wait six weeks," Eddie laughed. "But I know what you mean." She nuzzled closer to him, resting her head on his chest.

"We'll ask Danny and Linda…" Jamie began then remembered that wasn't possible. "My Dad and Pop," Jamie corrected.

Eddie leaned over him and kissed him deeply. "Thank you for being so understanding about Danny. I know it's hard that you aren't around him and that we are avoiding him right now but it's for the good of our family."

Jamie nodded, "I can support Danny over the phone and on Sunday, I took the desk gig for the time being to be safer and being away from my brother while he's under this threat is part of that."

"Still, I know it's hard and I do appreciate it, I'm sure it won't be for much longer," Eddie replied as they heard little feet hit the floor, it was time to start another day.

Eddie got up and made breakfast the next morning. Jamie helped get five-year-old Mary and three-year-old Joey ready for their day out.

"Where we going, Daddy?" Mary asked as they walked from the car to the hot dog store.

"We are going to get a special treat, Buttons, some hot dogs," Jamie smiled

"Yay!" Mary replied. "Why didn't Mommy come? Cause she's sleepy?"

"Yeah its special time with daddy, then we'll see mommy later so she can sleep."

"Bella cries a lot because she's got a tiny tummy, right?" Mary asked as Jamie pushed the stroller toward the store.

Jamie smiled, "she cries because she is hungry and can't use her words."

"Love you," Joey kissed his little sister's head. They sat down at the table, "What kind of hot dogs do you want?"

The kids both told their orders at the same time excitedly.

Jamie laughed and soon they were eating hotdogs and drinking juice. They could only stay out about two hours until Bella had to eat.

The kids happily ate telling Jamie about the games they play with Eddie.

"Mommy is really good at games huh?" Jamie asked as his cell phone rang

Sighing Jamie looked down to see his brother's number. "Hang on guys. Hey, Danny."

"Hey Kid" he greeted. "Listen what are you doing now? You on the job?"

"No, I took the kids out for hot dogs to let Eddie sleep, she's exhausted."

"Oh uh...so the little woman isn't with you? That mean you can help me out?"

"What do you need Danny," Jamie asked.

"My car broke down near 10th and 53rd not far from that ice cream place. Can you pick me up and we'll get ice cream?'

Jamie sighed knowing Eddie wouldn't be happy, but he couldn't leave his brother hanging.

He got the kids in the car and drove to the service station near the ice cream place. "Thanks for doing this, Jamie. I know you're going to catch a lot of flak from Eddie. I don't get it, we have all had threats before, even Dad and she never did anything like this."

"I know she's just worried Danny. We have three young kids now and this threat is different, let's be honest, it's a gang war in the making. I'm sure it won't last much longer," Jamie sighed.

"I guess cause the threats came around the time she had Bella," he replied. "Besides, Eddie is a very protective mother, I guess this was the first time it was so serious. Still, we'll be safe, it's broad daylight. Come on you guys, give Uncle Danny a hug." The kids hugged their uncle, they didn't know their mother would flip her lid over this, they only knew they were having a good time.

Danny stepped out of the ice cream shop holding Joey's hand. Mary skipped with her hand on Jamie's jacket while he carried Bella's baby seat to the SUV. Danny strapped Joe in and Jamie got Bella and Mary's car seats secured. "Bella is going to need to eat soon so let me drop you back at your squad and get them home," Jamie told Danny. "She's still exclusively eating from Eddie so…"

"Well, she is still just a teeny tiny girl…" Danny said as he moved around the other side of the car.

"Bang!" a shot rang out and the bullet whizzed by Danny's head, ringing his ear.

"Gun!" Danny shouted. A brown van was shooting at the car and Jamie was desperately trying to protect his brother and his family. Danny was using the car for cover, in full cop mode, unconsciously drawing the fire to the children in the car.

Jamie dodged around and pushed Danny away from the vehicle, returning fire as he went. He had to get the gunfire away from his children. They were his babies, he had to protect them. The only thing he could thing to do was to jump out shooting and try to draw the fire away from the car.

Other NYPD officers in the area joined the gunfight as the 911 calls went in to central dispatch. In the streets of Brooklyn, a gun war waged and inside an SUV two babies cried.

Jamie had one ear trained on his kids, and the other on the shooting around him. He didn't want Danny or himself to get shot and be injured or killed in front of the kids, but he also wanted to get back in the car and hold his babies tight. He could hear the shrill new baby cries coming from Bella and a more mature deep sob from Mary, but he didn't hear Joey. He didn't hear a sound from his son, why didn't he hear his boy?

Jamie was terrified, he couldn't get to the van fast enough, as the shooting began to subside, yet he was petrified to confirm what had happened inside that van. Why were his thoughts solely on Joey? His father's heart knew the answer and all the possibilities were horrifying.

Finally, the shooting stopped. Jamie and Danny leaned against the storefront that was riddled bullets and caught their breath, Jamie only for a split second as he continued to count dwindling cries.

Jamie ran to the SUV and pulled the door open as the ambulance pulled up to being tending to the victims. Only Bella was crying now, Joey was lying painfully still. The red of his blood clear against the yellow shirt he had on dying it a sickening shade of orange. Mary was also eerily quiet, "Mary, answer me, sweetie…" Jamie was trying to keep his tone even. It felt like years since he began to examine his children, when it was only a few seconds.

"Joe? Joey? Answer Daddy, buddy! Answer Daddy." Jamie shook his three-year-old lightly trying to get any reaction at all, even a cry of pain would be music to his ears. His efforts didn't give him anything. Jamie had seen enough in his career to know that Joey would not be answering him, but he had to try.

"Help!" Jamie called out. "Over here! My kids. Danny, my kids!"

Danny ran to the car opening the door. It was a bloodbath in there, no other word would fit the situation. It was a blood bath. "Okay, Jamie," Danny kept his voice smooth for his brother who was mounting into a panic. He ripped his baby girl out of her car seat and held her to him with one hand while reaching his other hand out to Joey and Mary.

The medics descended on the car from either side. One team took Joey, beginning to do CPR on the little boy. He was ghost white and not breathing, yet his blood still ran freely. Mary's wounds were lower, to her little legs. Both were running with hot, dark blood, she was also pale but taking short gasping breaths. Jamie couldn't focus on the treatment, only the intense silence.

Jamie watched the scene unfold in terror. He saw his precious boy; his brother's namesake being put on a stretcher. The first ambulance whisked away with Joey as he climbed in the back of the second ambulance with Mary and Bella. He shut his eyes against that pain and remembered another day in his time with Joe.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

 _Joey's life began during a DIY home improvement project, more precisely, the repainting of Mary's nursery, she was almost three and starting dance, Eddie wanted her room to reflect the change in her age._

 _Frank took his granddaughter to the zoo that afternoon and was keeping her overnight so that her parents could work on the room. Jamie meticulously lined the room with tape and drop clothes before he distributed the paint into the pans. Eddie started on one side and Jamie on the other. It was in a project like this their differences showed so much._

 _Jamie's marks were perfect and precise while Eddie's were a bit scattered. The drop cloth under her feet was crumpled and paint splattered a little bit off her brush onto the rug. "Eddie, look at that now, there's paint all over the rug!"_

 _Eddie saw the three little drops on the carpet and laughed at him, "Relax your OCD, it's just a little paint. It'll wash out."_

" _It'll wash out," he mimicked as he brushed her hair back off her face. She got a streak of paint across her nose. "You have a little paint on your nose."_

 _She laughed at him, thinking he was teasing. She flicked the paint brush at him and got some paint in his hair. He moved closer, retaliating, getting some on her cheek…it was war._

"Jamie…" Chaplain Marris said softly. Jamie was sitting shell shocked on the waiting room chair. "We can ask the Lord to protect your little boy and little girls with the prayer Jesus taught us."

The Chaplain began to pray, but Jamie's mind wandered again to that DIY afternoon that turned into an evening of ecstasy and bliss.

 _With two paint-stained gloves, Jamie cupped Eddie's face and gave her a strong firm kiss. She was teasing him and smiling at him, her blue eyes shining. She slid her arms around him and pressed herself close to him._

 _Before they really realized it, Jamie lowered Eddie to the drop cloth, not minding the paint pans and cans, his focus now was just on his wife and their desire for each other._

 _Inside Eddie's body, his life force met hers. They were so engrossed in their love and their intensity that they threw caution to the wind, not thinking or caring if they were safe, though the thought of another child coming into the world from this coupling was never far from their minds._

 _Jamie worshipped his wife's body with his lips and hands, her legs fell apart for him, a welcome she bestowed on him whenever they shared their bodies with each other._

 _His sex slid easily into her center, they anticipated the others needs and desires and fulfilled them. She cried out his name as he thrust deeper into her, she clamped down around him, both reaching climax and contentment at the same time._

 _It was six weeks later that they learned the results of their wild abandon._

 _Eddie found Jamie in the living room relaxing after coming off shift. She sat beside him laying her head on his shoulder._

 _"How's Mary feeling?" He asked. Their little daughter had an ear infection._

 _Eddie sighed, "Poor baby is in pain she finally fell asleep."_

 _"Good," he replied and said his arm around her. "How you doing, Momma?" He asked. Eddie smiled at him, "I had a physical too, today."_

 _"Oh, why did you get a physical?" Jamie asked watching her carefully._

 _"Remember how I got dizzy and stuff a few times last week?" Eddie reminded him. "It happened again, and he examined me. I have some news."_

 _"Are you okay?" Jamie asked looping his arm around her worried. "What did the doctor say?"_

 _"I'm fine," Eddie assured him. "But I am going to feel sketchy for a little while longer. About nine months longer."_

 _Jamie raised an eyebrow at her, "Nine months Eddie what...your pregnant?"_

 _"That's right," She beamed. "I'm about six weeks along, I see the obgyn on Monday. "His breath caught, pulling Eddie carefully in to hug her tight and place multiple kisses on her head._

 _"You're happy," she confirmed though she knew he would be._

 _"Eddie I'm very happy how can I not be," Jamie smiled meeting her eyes."_

 _They held each other close. Jamie put his hands-on Eddie's belly and they talked about who this new little person would be._

Eddie shot up from her nap in a cold sweat, her heart pounding. "Jamie!" she called out for her husband, her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she felt dizzy and sick. "Jamie!"

He didn't reply. She slid out of bed and called again for her family. On the kitchen island, was a note from all four of them. "Hey Mommy, we hope you have a nice rest. We're going to the park with Daddy and to get some hot dogs. See you later. XOXO Mary, Joey, and Bella. Each child had signed their name, and a baby hand print was traced for Bella's name. Eddie smiled, they were safe and sound with Jamie. So why couldn't she shake the sick feeling in her gut?

She'd had the strangest dream while she rested, she felt Jamie close to her, but her dreams had been focused on her kids, mainly Joey, the day he was conceived, the day she told Jamie he was coming and finally the day he came.

 _Jamie had off the day Eddie went into labor. He spent the afternoon doing things around the house while she rested with her feet up. She kept getting up and down, she did something similar with Mary when the contractions we're starting._

 _"Hey Eddie, are you hungry? Want me to make you something;" Jamie called._

 _"No, my back just hurts, and I have to pee...again."_

 _"Let me know if you need help," Jamie peeked into the living room_

 _She nodded, "Oh, Jamie... Mary's dance bag, she left it upstairs can you call your dad to come get it."_

 _"Of course, Eddie," Jamie disappeared to grab his cell off the charger and call._

 _Frank had his detail get the bag, Mary was nearly three and a gifted little dancer._

 _Jamie closed the door and went to check on Eddie. "You okay?"_

 _"I think so... but my back really is aching, any chance..." She batted her eyes._

 _"Sit down on the couch Eddie, I'll make it better," Jamie agreed._

 _They sat together on the couch Jamie slowly moving his hands along her back._

 _"You are having contractions," Jamie told her as he rubbed. "I can feel them."_

 _She took a deep breath in, "My water hasn't broken yet though."_

 _"I know...I know but you should have said honey," he soothed._

 _Frank promised to be there, leaving immediately. "You doing okay?"_

 _"I think we waited a little too long," she panted. "It's hurting really bad."_

 _"Breathe, long breaths," Jamie coached._

 _She focused on his soft, gentle tone and focused on the picture of their family on the dash. Jamie pulled up to the ER._

 _He went around to help Eddie getting the attention of a doctor, "My wife is in labor."_

 _"Are you pre-registered?" They asked as Eddie went through the ritual and Jamie parked the car._

 _They took Eddie to her room, a private suite where she labored five hours more before being able to push._

 _Jamie stood by her side holding her hand, "I'm so proud of you."_

 _She bore down, focusing all her strength into the push. Jamie encouraged her as she struggled and battled to bring the baby life._

 _Finally, they heard the rewarding sound of their new baby crying. "Well done Eddie. Would dad like to cut the cord and meet his new son?"_

 _Jamie smiled, and stepped around to free his newborn son from his mother. Eddie reached for her baby, "I want him, Jamie. Can I have him?"_

 _"Of course, you can. Hey buddy," Jamie greeted taking the newborn after he was wrapped in a blanket._

 _Jamie laid Joey in his mother's waiting arms, the baby quieted as soon as Eddie started singing._

 _"He's perfect Eddie look at our boy," Jamie whispered kissing her head._

 _"He is perfect," she smiled as she counted fingers and toes...she kissed his tiny forehead then let him go so he could be examined by the nurse._

Eddie took a long, hot shower then put on a clean pair of sweats and pulled he hair back into a pony tail. She had about an hour before the family got home, enough time for a hot cup of tea. She made the brew then sat at the table, picking up the note once again. She loved her children so much, each the same amount, but in very different ways. She loved them for who they were and the things that would make them who they would become as well. She stood up and hung the note on the fridge.

She held the mug in both hands, inhaling the light vanilla scent. It felt so good going down her throat. This day had been just what she needed. She lifted the cup and breathed in the vanilla

She wanted to text Jamie and check in on the kids, but she felt that if she did that it would just upset him. With the threats against Danny, she felt they were all marked, even though that wasn't true. Jamie was staying away, everything was going to be fine.

Eddie slowly took another sip listening to the quiet house. She loved this time but was anxious to have Jamie and the kids home

Frank was in his motorcade heading to review a couple of Brooklyn precincts when his cell phone rang, Danny's number flashed on the screen. Danny was breathing so hard Frank could barely understand him. "Danny, what happened?"

"Dad, it's just awful." Danny was openly crying into the phone. "I was out with Jamie and the kids, he was just helping me out when the car broke down…It was an accident, we never should have…It was an accident!"

Frank felt his heart jolt, but he kept his head. "Daniel take a breath, is everyone okay?"

Danny was so incoherent Frank had no idea what he was really talking about. He did his best to try to get information from his distraught son.

"All right, I'm going to go and get Eddie, he was only a few miles from their Brooklyn Heights apartment. I need you to buck up and hold onto your brother until I arrive. Eddie needs to be told and I should be the one to do it. I'm on my way there now. Tell Jamie we're one our way and stay with him," Frank instructed then hung up wondering how in the world he was going to do this.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Frank took a deep breath as he approached the door. He knew how much Eddie loved her children, how protective she was of her three little babies, this was going to be so hard to tell her. Still, it was an accident, they happened.

Eddie held her tea cup, washing it, when the bell rang. Sighing she quickly dried her hands and answered

"Did you forget your key again?" she asked as she opened the door expecting hugs from her kids and a kiss from her husband. Instead she was greeted by the towering form of her father-in-law.

"Frank, I thought…What are you doing here?" Eddie felt her heart jump in her throat.

"We have to get to the hospital, honey," he replied. "There was an accident and there were injuries." Frank wanted her to find out the rest with Jamie, even he didn't know the extent of it, just how upset Danny was.

Eddie grabbed her jacket from the hook following him. "How bad is it? Whose hurt?"

"I don't know all the details, I just know that there was an accident. My detail is down stairs, let's go." Frank held onto Eddie, she was scared and shaking in his arms.

The entire short ride to the hospital, Eddie's mind whirled terrified at how bad it would be when they arrived.

Frank reached over and took her hand, "It's probably nothing honey. You know how careful the medics are with kids, they'll probably be playing with balloons and eating lollipops when you get there, hmm?"

"Yeah, I sure hope so," Eddie took a deep breath in holding onto Frank's arm.

The hospital was a sea of reporters when they arrived. This didn't look like an accident, not with so many news vans, but then again, it was a Reagan accident and that attracted attention.

Eddie held onto Frank's arm as they weaved through the crowd. Frank felt Eddie slipping from his grip as reporters surrounded him for answers.

"Commissioner Reagan, can you confirm it was a gang related shooting?" Frank felt his heart sink as Eddie rushed into the hospital, totally unaware of what was about to happen.

Out of the corner of his eye, Frank caught Gormley and Garrett, both with grim looks on their faces. It was clear now the news was such they felt they had to deliver it in person.

Linda had met Eddie by the door and took her arm. She quickly escorted her into the emergency room, where Jamie was sitting with the chaplain and Danny. He was dressed in hospital scrubs and looked sick as he saw Eddie coming. "Jamie, are you okay? Where are your clothes?"

Jamie only shook his head blinking as hot tears ran down his face. Both Danny and Linda stood off to the side to give them space, they were an intimate and private couple, they didn't welcome much intrusion.

"What happened?" Eddie held Jamie's clammy, shaking hands. "Honey? Where are the older kids?" Danny had Bella in his arms, she was asleep, not a care in her little world.

When he could finally look up eyes swollen and bloodshot, "Eddie? Th…there was a shooting."

"A what?" Eddie looked at Jamie in disbelief. "I though you said there was an accident, that there was..." Before she could finish, the doctor stepped out. "Mr. and Mrs. Reagan..."

Jamie looked up from his seat and nodded, "How are they doctor? Can we see them now?"

"Let's sit down," the doctor urged. "Your daughter sustained multiple gunshot wounds to her legs, one of them hit an artery and the other appears to have hit a nerve. She's going up to surgery now with the best vascular surgeon there is to try and save her leg. She's critical but stable and we hope she'll pull through this. Your son..." He took a breath. This was never easy. "Your son sustained a single gunshot wound to the chest and was killed almost instantly. We tried everything we could to resuscitate him, but were not successful. I'm very sorry...your son died."

Two of the nurses that had been on the scene when Joe first came in looked at each other, as Eddie let out a sound they only heard when a mother had lost her child. The older of the two looked at her colleague, "That little boy must have died."

"Why do you say that?' the younger trainee asked, to which the senior nurse replied, "You only hear a sound like that coming from a mother in grief."

Eddie felt her chest tighten, struggling to breath as she let out a long painful wail.

Jamie caught her as her knees buckled. She collapsed into her husband's strong chest and sobbed so hard she became silent.

Jamie rocked her sobbing into her shoulder so hard he was shaking again.

Danny moved to try to absorb some of his little brother's pain as Frank looked on, still in shock himself at learning of his grandson's death at the hands of men hunting his own oldest child. Eddie felt Danny approaching and snapped.

"I knew letting you near us would end up hurting someone and now look. This is all your fault!"

"Eddie, I didn't think..." Danny tried to defend himself but she reached out and shoved him. "Get out of here! Get away! My baby boy is dead because of your carelessness! Get away... I'll never forgive you for this, never!" Eddie fell to her knees, covering her head.

Jamie cradled Eddie, continuing to cry himself, needing her close.

Linda looked at Danny, "I think we need to go for now, let them grieve. Your father is here in case. We should go."

Danny watched them for a minute longer sighing in agreement and followed Linda out.

It took Eddie a few minutes to get her bearings, when she did, she pulled back, "I want to see him. I want to see my son."

The doctor nodded, "Of course Mrs. Reagan come back with me I'll take you to see him."

Jamie and Eddie held hands as they walked back to where Joey lay. The machines were off, and the bloody clothing had been removed. He was covered now with a clean gown and white sheet. His little face was so peaceful, he hadn't suffered, but it was little comfort to the grieving parents.

"Oh, my boy," Eddie sobbed leaning over to hug and kiss her boy as she sobbed. "I want to hold him one more time," she told the doctor.

"Mrs. Reagan," he replied gently but Frank broke in. "She needs to do this, please let her do this."

The doctor, out of his immense respect for Frank, agreed.

Jamie stood back and watched as Eddie slowly lifted their son into her arms. She moved with him to the big chair next to his gurney and sat down. She held him the same way she had done when she rocked him to sleep so many times. In a surprisingly clear voice, she began to sing his favorite lullaby. Jamie couldn't contain his emotions at her serenity.

When she finished the song, she stood up and held Joey, waiting for Jamie to sit down. She knew he would need this time with their son, just as he had when Joey was born.

 _ **Jamie held Joey so Eddie could sleep taking the baby to a rocking chair.**_

 _ **He didn't realize Eddie was actually awake and watching him as he bonded with their new baby boy. He wanted a son so badly, he loved Mary with all his heart, but he wanted the connection his father had with him, Danny, and Joe even to this day.**_

 _ **"I am going to teach you so many things...how to play basketball and football...How to build a soapbox derby car and race to win, how to romance the girls, and how to live like a good man Joey. I promise you I'll always be there for you, I'll always have your back." He bestowed a kiss on his son's head.**_

 _ **Eddie smiled at them, "He's so lucky to have you for a father, Jamie. He's going to learn so many things from you."**_

Jamie sighed quietly looking up at Eddie holding their boy in her arms. She slowly handed Joe to Jamie

"You promised him you would protect him," Eddie said flatly as she left the room "How is he protected?" she asked in a voice so quiet Jamie barely heard it.

"I'm sorry Joe. I know it's my fault. I'm sorry buddy."

Jamie looked down cradling his son tight.

Out in the hallway, Eddie composed herself before she returned to the room. She saw Jamie, softly whispering to their boy. "I asked you not to go near Danny with our children while the situation was so hot."

"He's my brother Eddie. I didn't realize. How could I have known?"

"They are your babies," Eddie countered. "A known violent gang threatened to kill him, you stay away with our babies."

"Eddie you think I don't know that? You don't think I want to keep them safe? Jamie asked firmly. "He's their uncle."

"Again," Eddie replied, still devoid of emotion. "They are your children, or at least they were." She walked out of the room one final time and headed to where Frank was waiting with Bella. He handed the baby over immediately, she had been crying to be fed.

Frank could tell what this was doing to them, but he stood and watched Eddie quietly attend to her daughter.

Bella ate from her mother sighing contentedly as she went. She had no idea what had happened to her family, none. Eddie liked this place, this world of Bella's.

Frank slowly walked back to see Jamie and Joey. The image of his son holding his late grandson hit him in the chest.

He walked in chest tight approaching the two. "Jamie? I'm so sorry son," frank knew the feeling of losing a son.

"He looks like he's asleep," Jamie replied. "There was so much blood, Dad. It was just pouring out of his little body. I knew he was dead, I knew he was dead but..."

"I know you don't ever want to believe it," Frank moved closer and placed a hand on Jamie's shoulders.

"This is all my fault," Jamie replied. "All my fault. Eddie told me not to go near Danny, she asked me not to do that and I did it. I got my son killed and my daughter, my precious Mary, I don't know if she's going to make it or have both her legs if she does."

"No, son this isn't your fault. You never would have brought your children so close to such violence if you thought there was even a chance of this happening."

"No," Jamie stood up and laid Joey back down on the bed. "No, I'm Joe's father, father trumps brother, it should trump everything. It's on me, all of it." Jamie headed out and went to the chapel to pray for what was left of his family.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Jamie joined Eddie in the waiting room. Bella fell asleep and Eddie laid her in the bassinet a nurse brought down from maternity. Finally, there was news on Mary

Jamie reached for Eddie's hand holding his breath as the doctor quietly gave them the news.

" Mr. And Mrs. Reagan, I'm Dr. Shapiro, I operated on your daughter..." He sat down with them. "She did very, very well."

"Will she be okay doctor?" Jamie asked the first thing that he was worried about

"She is still critical, she lost a great deal of blood," he replied. "Her left leg is already showing signs of bulking up but it's too soon to tell on the right leg.,

"What does that mean doctor? Will she walk again?" Eddie breathed in sharply

Jamie put his arm around her and she leaned into his chest. "It's too soon to tell, she is still facing the possibility of amputation at this point"

Both Jamie and Eddie cradled each other. "Can we see her doctor?"

"Yes," Dr. Shapiro replied. "Follow me this way. "

Holding Bella in one arm and the other resting around Eddie, Jamie followed.

Mary was still on oxygen and receiving blood. She looked so tiny in the PICU bed, hooked up to machines.

"Oh Mary," Eddie detached from Jamie to approach the bed reaching for her daughter.

Jamie stepped to the bed side, "She looks so small."

"She is small," Eddie sighed brushing a hand through Mary's hair.

Her skin was cold, Eddie hated for her to be cold. "Jamie..." She sniffled. "She needs to be warmed can you..."

"Of course," Jamie said softly wanting to do anything for his girl.

He got her the blankets then sat with Eddie in silent prayer.

Jamie sat, studying Mary, "She's a fighter our girl is strong like you Eddie."

"She's more your child than mine," Eddie replied. "She's got the Reagan grit. She's got your mother's spunk, always did, that's why we named her Mary, remember, we were going to name her Sarah, but she gave me such a go during labor and then she wasn't breathing right when she came out...Mary is a good name and she will be okay, she has to be okay."

Jamie nodded, "Yeah she will your right she has that Reagan stubbornness too."

Jamie stroked Mary's head, "Mary, you hear us, Angel? Daddy and Mommy are right here with you."

A small noise escaped, almost unheard if not followed by a second.

"Did she just make a sound?" Eddie asked as Jamie moved closer.

The machine beeped, there was silence, then Mary groaned and moved her fingers

Jamie and Eddie joined hands, their little girl was waking up and she would be so very scared.

After several lower groans Mary slowly fluttered her eyes blinking tiredly

Eddie smiled through tears, Jamie leaned down and met Mary's eyes. "Mary, it's Mommy baby. It's Mommy and Daddy, can you hear us sweetie?"

Mary turned her head slowly blinking again. "Mommy, daddy? I feel so yucky "

Eddie bit her lip, her baby girl was talking to her, when just a few hours ago she was in surgery fighting for her life.

"Mommy? I want to go home with you and daddy and Joe and.."

"I know," Jamie spoke softly. Eddie couldn't speak. "I know you want to go home, honey, but you've got a couple of really big boo boos.

"Why, Daddy? What happened? I want to go home, when can I?" Mary insisted.

She was already starting to drift off, the blood loss and the medicine making her weak.

"We are right here Mary, rest honey," Jamie whispered brushing her hair.

Eddie was having too hard a time speaking. She was scared, and she was tired. Mary's eyes fell closed again and she sighed, she was too out of it to know what was happening.

"She needs rest, Eddie, but our girl is okay, she was awake and talking that's a good sign," Jamie assured.

"Yeah," she replied. "Yeah, she is. There's one bad side to that though..."

"We'll cross that road when it comes, for right now though..."

Eddie wiped her eyes, "She and Joey were so close. They were the best of friends, how are we going to tell her that her little brother is gone?"

"I don't know," Jamie swallowed hard. "But we'll tell her together "

Eddie nodded and looked at Bella, "We need to have her taken home, she's too little to stay here and I need to stay with my Mary."

"I'm not leaving Mary either, maybe Dad can take her for the night," Jamie said

Eddie nodded, "I need you to go home and get my breast pump and some bottles. She's not ready to be off my milk by a mile."

"Okay, I'll be back soon." Jamie kissed Mary's head, "I'm coming right back baby girl," Jamie promised as he left.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Eddie took Mary's hand, "Mommy's here, and Daddy is coming back to stay with you. Maybe he'll remember to bring some of your books. Mommy is so sorry, baby. This is all my fault."

"Oh, sweetheart," Frank sighed. "I wish Pop were still with us, that he was still able to tell you how wrong you are, you two got along so well. This is no one's fault but the man that pulled the trigger."

"It is Dad, I was so tired and I...My babies should have been with me. Mary, Joe, Bella, they should have been with me,' Eddie whispered.

"No, Eddie you need sleep. It's a normal human need. Your babies should be able to go out."

"Not without their Mommy"' Eddie replied. "I let them go and now...my little boy is..." she couldn't say the word.

Frank went over wrapping his arms around her saying nothing.

Eddie felt so warm in Frank's embrace, "Dad...do you think you could get me in touch with my Dad at his half way house?"

"I will sweetheart don't you worry. Jamie asked me to stay with Bella the night which I would be glad to do."

"She's still nursing, but I think she'll take the bottle for you," Eddie replied. "Or you could see if you can get Commissioner's privilege and stay in a room here at the hospital. I'm just afraid to expose Bella to the germs."

Frank smiled, "Not that I have any, but if you need her close I'll talk to some people see what I can do."

"I trust you, and I know she is safe with you, but if she won't eat from the bottle..." Eddie replied.

"Let me work my magic. I'll go find Jamie," Frank gave her one more hug.

Eddie sighed and laid her head next to Mary. Just the other day her little girl was going to her dance class, getting ready for a mini competition. Today...she was lucky if she could walk, never mind dance.

Jamie went home to get the essentials while Frank was able to secure a private room

"It's the least I can do, Frank," Linda told him after arranging it.

"Thank you Linda," Frank hugged her sighing.

"How's Danny doing?" Frank was concerned for both his sons.

"He feels guilty, blaming himself and mourning," Linda shook her head sadly.

"Danny and Jamie both knew better," Frank said firmly. "They never should have been out in public with those children, never! Eddie is 100% right and if she didn't need Jamie to try to cope with this he would likely be banished along with Danny!"

"I understand she lost her son, people react differently to grief. I just worry about Danny, he knows his error was fatal."

"To say the very least," Frank replied. "Linda, I think the best thing for them now is to be left alone except for me and Armin Janko. Please don't have Danny contacting Jamie or Eddie. let them come to him. Tell him I'll come around to see him tomorrow," Frank replied.

Linda replied, "No problem, we will respect their wishes. I can't imagine their pain." She quickly hung up before beginning to cry.

Jamie returned with the pump, new clothes, some of Mary's books and her bear. "Hey, how is she doing?"

"Same. She hasn't woken up since but I guess she needs rest. Oh you brought Cookie she loves him."

Jamie sat beside Eddie. "Remember the day we got Cookie?"

Eddie nodded slowly, "I sure do. The look on her face when she saw him."

 **The family was adjusting to their newest member Joe when Jamie and Eddie called Mary into the living room.**

 **She had done well, but she was also three and needed her special time. She came in and spun around on her tiny foot showing off her dance moves.**

 **"Hey little ballerina, come here Mommy and Daddy have to talk to you," Eddie scooped her up.**

 **She wiggled and sat on Eddie's lap. "I didn't mean to do it."**

 **"Mean to do what honey?" Eddie asked, looking at Jamie laughing.**

 **"Drop Joey toy," she replied softly.**

 **"Okay," Eddie shook her head at Jamie. "We wanted to tell you how proud we are that you've been so nice to your brother."**

 **"He baby," she replied. "He not know stuff..." Jamie smiled at her. "Well, today Aunt Erin is going to watch Joey and we are going to a special treat!"**

 **"For me? Just Mary and Mommy and Daddy?" Her blue eyes rounded wide at the chance to spend time with her parents on her own.**

 **"Yes just the three of us," Eddie smiled." Run along now and get your shoes for Mommy then we'll go."**

 **Mary cheered skipping to the hall for her shoes trying to hurriedly put them on.**

 **They headed to the mall for hot dogs and then for the special treat to build a bear. "You see all the bears."**

 **Mary nodded, "Pretty bears," she said eyes wide at all the furry bears.**

 **"You get to pick out one bear that will be all your own, and you can dress her up how you like," Eddie told the excited child.**

 **"Me? A bear for Mary?" Mary clapped her hands turning to look at each and every bear.**

"When she was done it was terrific," Jamie recalled. "She has the most beautiful smile that day and she has loved Joey ever since." Eddie snuggled to the bear then placed it in Mary's bed.

"She always brings that bear everywhere," Eddie sighed.

"She loves it..." Jamie replied with a soft smile. "She's precious. I love you so much Eddie and I'm so sorry."

"I know Jamie," Eddie said with a distant tone in her voice as she brushed Mary's hair back.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Mary was unconscious for the next day and a half. Eddie did her best to take care of Bella with Frank and Erin's help. They headed to the funeral home while Mary was napping and made the selections for Joe's service. They wanted to put that off until Mary was feeling better, but she was still so weak and tired from her ordeal there was no way to do that.

"I'll stay with her," Erin offered. "We can watch TV if she wakes and I can read her a story. You two both need to say goodbye to Joey, and so does Dad."

Earlier that day, Danny had offered to take the hospital shift, but Frank quickly talked him out of that idea. "She's not ready, and I don't think Jamie is ready either."

"How badly is she blaming Jamie?" Danny asked, knowing Eddie's Serbian temper had quite an edge to it.

"He hasn't said she's blaming him," Frank replied. "They are still in the denial and depression stages, Jamie is blaming himself, Eddie is blaming herself, but the anger isn't there yet. They are keeping themselves going for Mary."

"How is Mary?" Danny felt so sick over the whole thing. He asked his brother for help and now two of his three children were impacted, one lost his life and the other might lose her leg. That was a huge burden in and of itself, never mind with losing their son on top of it.

"She's holding her own," Frank replied. "Both legs looked healthier today, but the one is still pale and cold. If it's not showing better signs in the next couple of days they are probably going to take that one leg so it won't turn gangrene. Danny and I know it's tough to have to stay away, but the best thing you can do for them now, is just that."

"I know Dad, just keep letting me know how they are, and let Jamie know I'm here, I am here for him to get him through."

It broke Frank's heart to hear that, to have his family divided, but it was Danny that set this tragedy in motion. Jamie needed Eddie, Eddie needed Jamie, and Danny didn't figure into that part of the equation. He just didn't.

They agreed on a small, private funeral. Eddie selected a small, white coffin with a baby blue silk liner.

Joe would be placed with the other family members in Brooklyn, he'd be included in every family visit.

He would be buried near his uncle, grandmother, and great grandparents for safe keeping. The day of the service Eddie and Jamie sat in silence with their arms around each other.

The priest spoke somberly saying a prayer over Joe. Jamie let out an uneven breath.

Frank sat behind Jamie and Armin was behind Eddie, Frank was able to get him a compassionate release for the service.

Eddie was shaking and turned to hide her face in Jamie's chest. "My baby..."

Jamie rocked her laying his head on hers, "I know Eddie, I know. It hurts me too," Jamie whispered. "Hurts so much."

Eddie cried into his chest as the priest sprinkled holy water around the casket.

There was an honor guard surrounding the church when they came out. Renzulli, Kara Walsh, Garrett and Baker were there to name a few.

Jamie only looked up at them walking with Eddie to the limo that would proceed to the cemetery.

They had a small graveside service with one simple hymn and white roses. Jamie and Armin flanked Eddie. "I wish you were tiny again and I could fix all this," Armin whispered to Eddie as she cried. Each one of her tears ripped at his heart.

Eddie turned to hug her father finding comfort in his arms as he swayed with her. She sobbed, her body shuddering. Armin whispered the same words that he used to whisper when she was small and fell out of a tree or off her bike. "Ssh," he soothed. "Daddy's here, Daddy is here sweetie. I'm here..."

When Eddie calmed down, Armin pulled back and looked at Jamie, "Take care of them. Bring them to see me soon."

"I will I promise," Jamie shook his hand somberly putting an arm around Eddie.

She laid her head on his chest. She didn't want a big repast or major event, she wanted to go home.

Jamie held her tight not saying much holding back his emotion to take care of her.

"Take me home, Jamie," Eddie said as they left the graveside. "I can't do this anymore. I need to just..."

"Okay Eddie I'll make you some nice tea and you can rest," Jamie kissed her head gently.

"You too," she replied. "You need to rest too. We both lost him." They laid together not talking not doing much of anything but listening to the quiet


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Jamie gently rubbed Eddie's arms and shoulders absently sighing. "Have you thought about what to do with his things?"

Jamie shook his head, "I didn't want to because then it would be real."

"It is real," Eddie replied. "Our son is gone, but we have another child to protect, a five-year-old who has no idea what's happened yet."

He sighed kissing her head, "I'll take care of it Eddie."

"No... Let's leave it a few more days and then...Tonight I just need you."

"I'm here Eddie," Jamie cradled her tight placing kisses along her head.

She turned and looked up at him, blue eyes shining with tears. She laid her hand on his cheek and kissed him in the lips conveying in that kiss what she needed. "I love you Eddie love you so much," Jamie whispered rubbing her back.

They wrapped their arms around each other gently kissing and caressing seeking to reaffirm life in all their loss

They didn't discuss, they usually didn't. They slowly walked back to their room kissing and touching all the time.

Jamie helped Eddie onto the bed wrapping his arms around her waist studying her.

She opened her lips and her body to Jamie. She loved him so much, but she was so bereft. Jamie held her tight needing her just as much as she needed him right now. Their kisses were tender, little sighs and moans came from both. As they explored each other's bodies, they both began to cry. The level of emotion was too great.

Jamie and Eddies tears mingled and joined. He kissed their path down her neck and onto her breasts. She sighed and arched up." Jamie, I need you," Eddie sobbed looking up until their eyes met

"I'm here," he replied as their bodies met desperately. "I'm here I love you so much. I'm sorry Eddie. I'm sorry."

He leaned down giving Eddie what she longed for at this time.

Eddie fell asleep in Jamie's arms, their first night in a real bed since the shooting happened five days ago. Had it really only been five days since they lost their little boy? Five days since Mary skipped out of the house holding her father's hand, with her brother and sister by her side. She wasn't able to walk now, she might not ever again.

Eddie woke up to a cold bed. She almost forgot what had happened. The ache in her breasts and in her heart reminded her that she had lost her son and had to feed her baby girl that was with her grandpa eating breastmilk from a bottle for the third time in five days.

She went to get her breast pump; then she heard it, the soft, rugged breathing, and the deep gut wrenching sobs. She turned toward Joey's room, she knew that was where she'd find Jamie. He hadn't cried much so far, he needed the release and she had to be there for him.

She walked into their boy's room for the first time since he had died. Her gut ached seeing his teddy bear on his bed, his clothing hanging in the closet, his little shoes lined up on the floor near the door…Jamie was holding one of the shoes, his Thomas Train Sneaker in his hand, close to his heart.

She slid her arms around him, rocking gently, "It's okay, baby. Let it out. Let it all out. I'm here, I'm here, let it go."

He dropped the sneaker and sobbed, "What did I do?" he sobbed. "What did I do?"

"Ssh, ssh," Eddie soothed. "Ssh, honey. I know, I know it was a mistake, I know that it was, ssh."

Now was not the time for angry words or recriminations, now was the time for support, for love…Eddie would not be able to forgive this for a long while, he knew that, but in this moment in time, none of that was going to matter, all that mattered now was the man she loved needed her, and she was going to be there for him, as he had been for her.

Jamie lay his head against her sobbing and shaking in Eddie's arms letting out all the emotion he'd held in to be strong for Eddie. In return she held him, rocked him, comforted him as best she could

"Let's get out of here, let's sit on the couch and just hold onto each other." She hated to see his pain.

"I didn't even mean to come in here but..." Jamie held the shoe tighter against his chest.

"I know honey," she sighed. "I know let's go sit down

Jamie dropped the sneaker to take Joe's teddy bear looking at Eddie with red brimmed eyes. They sat on the couch with the bear.

"I'm sorry if I've been hard on you," she sighed. "I am trying to understand that choice."

"I get it Eddie but," his voice cracked forcing him to stop

"But...the same issue..." She sighed. She didn't want to push him as he was having his grief, but they had been having the same argument since they got married and started their family. It was one thing to be close to Erin and Danny, it was another to put them ahead of their own children. Jamie didn't seem to grasp that, he tried to keep it even and it just wasn't. She got quiet and held on tight.

Finally tired out Jamie took smaller breaths closing his eyes to rest listening to Eddie's heartbeat.

She held him as close as she could. She was so angry with him, with Danny, with herself. It hurt so badly.

Jamie's breathing slowed tears drying on his face. "Eddie? I don't want to do this anymore let's do something, anything."

"What?" she asked. "What do you want to do? Go get fresh bread at Delmicos?"

"Yeah that sounds good," Jamie looked down at the bear, sighing quietly

"Come on," Eddie took his hand.

They went to a favorite old bakery where they had gone as newlyweds. The owner's son greeted them as they entered the now quiet bakery. "I'm so sorry about your little boy," he said gently. "On the house

"Thank you," Jamie croaked quietly ordering their favorites.

They sat in the back, they got some cookies Mary liked and held hands. Eddie was trying so hard not to resent him. Jamie ate his quietly looking down at the cup of coffee. "You okay?"

"I don't know what okay is anymore" she sighed.

Eddie changed the subject, "When do we get to see our car?"

"Oh, um it should be ready in like a week or two I think," Jamie said.

"I meant in evidence," she replied. "I want to see where it happened."

Jamie looked up at her, "Are you sure Eddie? Maybe give it a little more time."

"I have to wrap my head around it, to see it happen or map out in my brain"

"Okay I can give them a call and arrange it if you're sure."

Eddie nodded, "After we talk to Mary. We need to tell her soon."

Jamie nodded, "I know, and I know how she's going to take it."

"Me too," Eddie replied. "Let's wait though till she looks for him."

"You know that won't be long once she wakes up," Jamie said. Eddie responded with a sigh.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

They headed home to shower then went to the hospital. Frank was there with Bella who was letting the world know she was ready to eat from Mommy. "Thanks Frank, how has she been?" Eddie asked, taking her daughter

"Okay," he replied. But she just got upset and won't stop. She wants Mommy.'

Eddie cooed bringing her close, "It's okay, Mommy is right here"

She ducked into the bathroom to nurse Bella while Jamie sat down next to Mary. "Hey honey daddy is here," Jamie carefully took her hand in his. Mary surprised him by opening her big bright eyes.

"Daddy," she croaked out, her voice raw from the tubes and lack of drink. "I'm thirsty."

Jamie smiled, "Okay, baby. Let's have a little water, okay?" Jamie poured some water in a cup and held Mary's head so she could drink. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's feeding Bella, she'll be right here," Jamie told her softly. "She'll be here in just a minute."

Jamie held his breath, he didn't know when she would ask about her brother, but he knew she would. He tried to ward it off as long as he could. "How do you feel?" Jamie kissed her forehead.

"Funny…" Mary replied. "All cloudy like I have a cold. Do I have a cold? I'm not stuffy."

"No, honey," Jamie said softly. "No baby, you don't have a cold, you got a really big and bad boo boo on your legs. Do they hurt?"

Mary shook her head, 'I don't feel it there, my leg. It's all heavy."

Jamie nodded, "That's good it doesn't hurt.' He was scared though, what did it mean she had no feeling? They had to speak to the doctor about that.

Eddie appeared in the doorway with Bella, "Hey, look who's awake! How's my big girl? Are you hungry?"

Mary thought about it for a minute, "Yeah, I'm hungry. Can I have oatmeal?"

Jamie stood up, "I'll go get her some, you want me to take Bella?"

Eddie handed the infant to Jamie so they could have some time. She went to Mary's bedside and gently lowered the side of the bed. She laid down next to her little girl and held her tight. "I love you so much," Eddie whispered. "You rest and you'll get well soon, okay?"

Mary nodded, "I have to go potty." She moved to try to get up but Eddie held her down. "Mommy will help you honey. Let's call the nurse."

It killed Eddie to see her daughter like this, but she would take this over the way she had seen her little boy, in a tiny navy blue suit, lying in a coffin. She would take this a million times over…

"It's really good news that she's started to have enough feeling that she knew she had to go to the bathroom," the nurse smiled. "The swelling is going down, and we'll be able to get a real assessment on what is happening with her leg. The doctor will be by in just a few minutes to discuss the prognosis."

Jamie returned with baby Bella in a clean diaper as the doctor approached. They held their breath as he began to speak softly so Mary couldn't hear him.

"As of right now," he said with a smile. "Mary's legs are officially out of the danger zone for amputation. She is going to have a very hard rehab, there is extensive damage to the vessels and nerves, but with time and work she should regain full use of her left leg. I can't speak for her right leg thus far, it's got a lot more damage than the left and some of the nerves were severed, that will impede its use for life."

Eddie took a breath, life…her baby girl was five and she would have this injury for life. She would have scars up and down her legs for her life…well that she could fix, they'd find a plastic surgeon to fix that, but the superficial scars would be the least of it.

"What can we do on our end to improve that?" Jamie asked.

"Well, as she gets stronger, she'll be starting physical therapy," Dr. Shapiro replied. "The regimen is strict and that's difficult for anyone let alone a five year old child. She'll need your support, physically to do her exercises and emotionally to get through this. I would recommend a psychologist as well to help her with the impact of her injuries and the loss of her brother, but many parents find that five is too young for that part of things. "

Eddie agreed, "We will give her the love and support she needs, thank you for being so frank with us about her condition. When can she come home, I know she's going to ask us."

"Well, I'll be ready to discharge her from here within the week if she keeps improving, then a few month stint at rehab…"

"No," Eddie said firmly. "No rehab hospital. I'll take her every day and bring her home at night. No long-term hospital. Teach us what to do at home, we'll do that and take her to therapy as often as required."

Dr. Shapiro only nodded, he knew that he'd get backlash from the mother, he usually did. He'd count on Jamie to talk Eddie into the rehab hospital, at least for now. "You can go on to see her and I'll be back later this afternoon."

"She's awake more now," Jamie sighed. "She's going to be asking about Joe. They are so close."

"I know," Eddie replied. "I think we just need to talk to her about what happened so that she doesn't feel like we betrayed her on top everything else."

"She's only five, she doesn't know about betrayal," Jamie replied. "But I agree, we should certainly tell her. I'll ask her nurse if we can pick her up and hold her or if we have to lay with her."

The nurse agreed that they could take Mary onto their laps and hold her tight. Jamie gently picked Mary up and laid her in Eddie's arms. She laid her head on Eddie's breast and sighed, already tired. How did they do this? How did they tell their little girl her brother was dead? How?

Jamie's throat hurt with the need to cry, he and Eddie silently agreed he would do the talking. Before Jamie opened his mouth though, Mary beat him too it. "Bella is sleeping on the floor but where is Joey? Is he with Grandpa?"

Jamie took a long breath, "No, pumpkin. No, he isn't. Joey…do you remember what happened in the car when you were with Daddy, Uncle Danny, Joey and Bella?"

Mary shut her eyes to remember, "No," she replied. "I just remember hot dogs."

"Well," Jamie continued. "After the hot dogs and the ice cream, we all got into the car and…there was a very bad…"

Jamie could not go on.

"Honey there was a very bad accident after," Eddie finished watching her daughter.

Mary cocked her head trying to bring back the memory. "No, wasn't. We weren't driving in the car, we were sitting still in our seats."

"I know honey but…" eddie began.

Mary shook her head, "Did Joey get a boo boo too?"

Eddie's eyes watered, "yes honey Joey was so little for the accident."

"Can I go see him in his room" she asked. Her eyes got wide at her mother.

"I'm sorry honey Joey went to see God in Heaven," Eddie said.

Mary pouted at that then squeaked and began to cry, 'but I want Joey here..."

"I know we all want joey here," Eddie hugged her tight

She sniffled and turned her head, the tear running down in a steady stream. "But Joey is still little, old people go there."

Eddie rocked Mary, "Usually, but sometimes little people do too."

Jamie held them both, "Daddy knows how confusing this is, Buttons. It's okay to be angry, scared, confused, okay? Anything you feel is okay."

"It isn't fair joey should be here with us? Why can't he be with us?"

Eddie looked at Jamie, he had the answer to that, the answer was, that was his mistake.

"Because God needed him for a special reason, we all want joe with us honey."

Mary curled as best she could, when she tried to curl her legs up and go fetal she cried out in pain.

"Let it out honey," Eddie soothed rocking her tightly against her chest.

The nurse poked her head into the room and saw them holding each other. "I'm sorry, but we need to take Mary now for tests?"

"Mary, the nurse needs to take you now, but Mommy and Daddy will be here when you're done."

"No..." she sobbed. " No...no...Mommy!"

Sighing Eddie held onto her daughter, "Ssh, Mommy is right here, I'm not leaving I promise."

"Mommy, hold me, Mommy!" Mary tried to kick but she couldn't.

"I'm here baby, Mommy is right here," Eddie cradled her.

Jamie turned to the nurse, "She can't go down right now, she needs a break, and she needs her Mommy."

"Sure, we can give her a few more minutes. I'll stall a bit and then we'll take her down to have the tests done," the nurse said.

Jamie nodded and stroked Mary's hair. "Ssh honey...Mary, please listen baby." Eddie glared at him.

Mary buried her head in Eddie's chest shaking her head side to side.

Everything in Eddie wanted to scoop her baby up and run. She hated all of this, she hated it.

Sighing Jamie leaned down and gave Mary a gentle kiss on her head. "We are here honey."

Jamie took a deep breath, and picked Mary up. We will be here when you come back." Jamie rocked Mary a bit more then handed the crying child to the nurse.

It broke their hearts to hear Mary sobbing all the way down the hall.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

It was Friday. The family had cancelled dinner last week because of the funeral and Eddie's need for privacy. This week though it was back on. Eddie was having a hard time reconciling having to sit at the table with Danny when she held him responsible for the current state of her family. Jamie didn't bring it up to her, they were still spending every moment they could at the hospital with Mary who was awake and slowly getting better every day.

On Friday afternoon, Eddie looked up at Jamie, "It's time to see the car."

Jamie sighed quietly, "Okay, guess it is. Let me tell them we're coming."

Eddie nodded, "I need this. I need to see where it happened, so that I can move on and start to really grasp what happened. The cop in me needs it, Jamie. So, does the mom."

Jamie took out his cell phone calling evidence to let them know what he and Eddie wanted "Okay, they're waiting for us."

Eddie kissed Mary's forehead as she slept, she left her with Cookie and asked the nurse to page Linda if the girl woke up while they were gone.

Jamie followed greeting a younger looking man who waited for them. "Jamie, I'm so sorry to hear about your family."

Jamie nodded, "Thanks, Eric for doing this. My wife needs to see this. Come on, Eddie."

Eddie took a deep breath following them down a hall to where the car was kept.

"I need to go in alone," Eddie sighed.

"Are you sure Eddie?" Jamie watched her with a worried expression.

"Yes," she said. "I am."

Jamie said a silent prayer and responded, "I'll be right here."

Eddie stepped inside and saw the blue minivan. She held her breath.

Her mind did not prepare her for this. The entire outside of the blue metallic van was riddled with bullet holes, both police issue weapons and the high capacity weapons the perps had used. She leaned inside the bullet ridden vehicle, the metallic smell was making her stomach turn. There was blood all over the inside, her babies' blood. The sight of it made Eddie want to throw up as she looked around tears stinging her eyes

She could see how many bullets flew at her babies, and one thing plagued her mind. Had someone, Jamie or Danny, or even some of the other cops on the scene, fired near that car when they knew her babies were inside? The idea made her physically ill.

"Oh," she cried out feeling sick again.

Jamie heard the cry and took a deep breath heading into the room.

"Eddie honey," Jamie called going to the car

She turned to him, ashen, stricken with the reality of what was there in front of her. She wanted to speak but there were no words.

"Oh Eddie," Jamie climbed in pulling her close against him.

Eddie let Jamie hold her a minute, then pulled back to look at him. "You knew I didn't want my children near Danny, not even close to him, why did you do it, Jamie? You knew it was against my wishes.

"I knew Eddie and trust me I thought about it, but I honestly didn't think this would happen. I would never risk our kids he's my brother"

"You did," Eddie sobbed. "You did risk them and for what? He could have ubered, he could have called a friend, and you never got the fact that when we got married me and your kids became your top priority. There is no balancing it out!"

"I know Eddie I know." Jamie looked down shaking again

"We are each other's priority!" Eddie insisted. "Remember Mary was born and I wanted to take her to see my Dad in jail?"

Jamie nodded, "yeah I remember of course I remember."

"You didn't want me to, you were concerned, and I didn't go because you and Mary were my family, my priority."

"Eddie, I know! I know all that," Jamie dropped his hands and slid out.

Eddie followed Jamie out of the evidence room. "Jamie, don't run off! Don't run off!"

Jamie turned around, "I know this is my fault, Eddie. I know that our son is dead because of me and my carelessness. I failed our son, I know that!"

Jamie covered his face and turned his back to Eddie, he was shaking. As angry as she was with him, Eddie couldn't take seeing him express the pain she knew they both felt and not wrap him in her arms.

"Ssh," Eddie soothed. "I know you didn't' think this could happen. Who would shoot at a family? At babies? I know you didn't know, but Danny did know, he knew and he did this anyway. He did it anyway!"

"I don't know," Jamie sighed. "I should have said no, but sometimes he says things you know? He gets macho, he…"

Eddie nodded and rocked Jamie in her arms. She needed him as much as he needed her. "I'm angry with you," Eddie admitted. "I'm really angry with you but the only way we are going to get past this and through this is together. We need to be together, we need to love each other, even if, some of the things we are doing and saying make us not like each other."

Jamie nodded and held tight to Eddie. "We will get through it, and I'm angry too, I'm angry with myself for doing this to you, to our family. I wasn't strong, but I promise I'll be from now on, I know it's too little too late, but…"

Eddie kissed his lips softly, "It's not too little, even if it is too late. I love you, Jamie, no matter what changes, that won't."

Jamie took a breath, it was good to hear that she loved him, even if one poor choice, destroyed their lives.

Eddie tucked the evidence surveillance tape she requested under her arm. Jamie was going to have to go to work and she would view that tape at home after Mary was settled for the night. On top of everything, breaking in a new partner and that was always added stress to her as his wife.

She felt more secure with a seasoned partner that would be able to read and support Jamie. She couldn't take another loss.

Mary was having a good day, she wasn't in much pain and was awake more. Eddie held her tight and close, reading stories to her and trying to give her all the love and support in the world. That wasn't going to bring Joe back, it wasn't going to give Mary her legs back…Eddie sighed and rocked her.

"Where's Daddy?" Mary asked.

"He's at work honey," Eddie replied. "He'll be here tomorrow. You ready for your nap?"

"Yes, I'm sleepy. When can I come home?" she asked. "I miss you and Daddy at home."

"I know you do," Eddie soothed. "Soon you can come home baby. I promise."

That was good enough for Mary, her mother's words and arms were the best comfort she could ask for.

When Mary fell asleep, Eddie went home to spend time with Bella. She felt torn between her girls, her life…and the pain of the loss of Joey was still stifling. She slid the video into the player, she just had to see what happened there. She had to see the last moments her baby boy was alive.

She watched the tape, and most of what she saw she expected. She saw Jamie returning fire, trying to draw the fire away from the car. He was protecting their little ones by putting himself out there to be shot if necessary.

Danny, though, attracted the shots. He used the van as a cover and fired over the car. He attracted the shots to her kids, he stayed behind the van and attracted the shots to her babies. Her babies! They were his godchildren, she trusted him with their lives, and he did this.

She couldn't contain the tears. She sobbed out Joey's name over and over again, then fixated on Danny again. "Danny, how could you do this? You know better how could you do this…"

Bella was disturbed by her mother's tears. She pulled up her legs and began to cry, flailing her little limbs, not sure why Mommy was making such terrible sounds.

Eddie pulled it together long enough for her to go and get Bella. "Mommy's sorry, baby. Mommy's sorry, I just…how could he do that? How could he do it? I could have lost you too. I could have lost all of you…"

She carried Bella to living room and sat down with the baby in her arms. Bella was through this all unscathed, she was thankful for that, she looked at her baby girl…and let the tears fall.

Eddie let the video loop, she had no idea how long she sat there. Her feet and legs fell asleep, Bella fell asleep but she still sat and watched the loop as if she could will it to have another outcome


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

This is what Jamie found when he got home from the beat. He had a wild day with his new partner, the guy was a playboy, very young, very handsome, but all in all, he seemed focused and ready to become a cop.

Jamie slowly walked over to Eddie, there were no lights on except the laptop playing the video loop again and again. Eddie still had Bella nestled to her, tear stains on her face. "Eddie?" he approached cautiously, she seemed to be in a trance of some kind.

"Eddie, are you okay?" Jamie asked touching her shoulder. She didn't move or reply, his eye caught on to what she was watching. "Oh, Eddie…you shouldn't be…" He then realized he hadn't seen the whole thing either, not the eagle eye version that this was.

He slid down in front of the TV and watched the silent clip repeat. He saw himself, his cop instincts out the window, his father instincts in full force, drawing the gunfire to himself, trying to get it away from the kids, but Danny was in cop mode, he did not even realize there were kids in the car at that time. Danny drew fire to the car, he fired over the car. In reality, his bullet could have been the one that killed Joey or ruined Mary's leg. That realization seized him in the chest. He too stared in shock.

They sat like that for at least an hour, just staring at it. Bella woke up again to eat, she cried for her nurse, Eddie robotically put her on the breast and let her eat. Jamie moved closer to her, he felt like they needed to connect, he needed her support that was for sure.

"He hid behind our babies," Eddie sat flatly. "He just hid there and shot over their heads like it was nothing, like they were nothing."

"I know, I saw too, I never saw that before, I just saw it now how he acted," Jamie replied. "I was just…"

"You did nothing wrong there," Eddie replied. "Except meet with him…why did you go with him? I asked you to stay away from him…I knew…" Eddie replied. "In my mother's heart, I knew…this is on me as much as you, but him…I never want him near me or the girls again. Not again."

Jamie bit his lip, because that would make for some interesting Sunday dinners. So far his dad hadn't pushed that, so neither would he.

When Bella had her fill and a new diaper, Eddie put her in bed and silently went to bed herself. Jamie got changed and slipped in beside her. "Eddie…"

"Not up for debate, Jamie," Eddie replied. "I know you are under some enormous spell when it comes to your family, you have a hard time making a line between them and us, but this I'm immovable on. He was reckless, he's always reckless and that…" her voice broke. "That got our son killed."

"I know, I'm sorry, I can't say enough how sorry I am," Jamie replied biting back a sob. "I miss him too, I miss him so much it hurts. I hurt too, I lost my son too."

Eddie replied. "I know you did, I know that so well and I'm sorry I keep yelling at you. I'm sorry…"

She began to cry again. Jamie turned and took her into his arms gently rocking her. "Why can't we just face this like we do everything else? Why can't we do it like partners? I don't understand."

"We're just lost," Jamie replied. "We have so many feelings we just don't know what to do. Maybe we need to find some help, some other people…"

"No," Eddie replied. "No, we don't need other people we need each other, this family of fiv…four, that's it."

Jamie felt his heart clamp down, "Okay, that's it. This family of four." He knew that wasn't going to be enough, they had seen so many families go through this suffering and they had even helped on occasion through the years. They would need some guidance through it, but Eddie wasn't ready to lean on anyone but him, and he was fine with that.

They had a meeting with Mary's doctor that day to discuss moving her to a rehab facility when she was stronger. The doctor greeted them with a smile walking back to his office. "So Mr. and Mrs. Reagan, how are you doing?"

"Taking it day by day," Jamie replied. "Glad that Mary is more alert."

The doctor nodded, "That is definitely a good sign. What can I do for you today?"

"We are just glad she is out of the woods," Jamie replied. "We know that the next step is rehab, but she is having so much trouble with separation..."

"That is normal after the experience she went through. It would be traumatic for anyone."

"We know that, but we are afraid that she will respond negatively to physical therapy in that place."

"What are you thinking for her," the doctor asked. This was a very tight knit family and to try to guess what was going on in the parents' minds would be insane.

"We are thinking of rehab at home," Eddie replied. "I'm a stay at home mom now." Eddie held onto Jamie's hand. She didn't want her little girl in a strange rehab hospital cut off from them. They had lost enough, the distance would be too hard on everyone.

"Rehab at home is an option but Mary would do better at a facility with different equipment," the doctor replied. "She has to work and work hard on that leg to get any kind of traction."

"Can't we drive her back and forth to the facility?" Jamie asked.

The doctor folded his hands sympathetically, "I understand you wanting to keep her at home, but it's quite a commitment to handle this kind of therapy at home."

Eddie felt frustrated and asked the big question that she and Jamie didn't want to address until now, "What are the chances that she walks again even with therapy?"

"Depends on how hard she works, but right now the chances are very low," he replied. "The nerves have to relearn how to work and that is a huge undertaking for an adult, never mind a child of five."

Eddie's jaw set. She was overwhelmed and frustrated. Jamie knew this look and he knew they were going to go nowhere with her like this. They had to sit down and talk this out together. "We need to discuss this further," Jamie said diffusing the situation.

Jamie and Eddie left very upset. She put her head in her hands, "We have to do what is best for her but..."

"And we will honey, she is our priority. We can talk more and come up with a decision."

"We need to decide before she's discharged. That rehab is so far away for us to drive to, and that will mean less time for you and her to be together and I know you and she need that. This is making my head hurt."

Jamie took Eddie into his arms, he carried so much guilt for this situation, it made his compulsion to settle Eddie down and comfort her even more profound., "Let's go home for now, I'll make you some tea we can cuddle and talk."

That felt like a good idea to her, it has been a long time without that connection.

It felt unnatural it being just them and Bella at home. Mary and Joey, we're always ready to snuggle and cuddle with them at this time of the night. They would watch movies and read stories together. Still, they were thankful Frank was with Mary that night, so they had a break from the vigil and the stress.

Jamie made a pot of tea for them and settled on the couch with Eddie. They quietly sipped the tea, each avoiding the conversation about Mary's rehab.

Eddie broke the companionable silence, "It's times like this I feel it most," she said more to the universe than to Jamie.

Jamie gave a nod of acknowledgement, "Me too," Jamie replied. "I miss him too, when it's so quiet and you'd expect him to come out with his trains or his trucks…"

"Just feels..." She took a breath. "I wish Mary remembered or was older there are so many things I want to know."

"I know, but we may never know honey, even if we do ask her," Jamie sighed quietly.

"She said she doesn't know, she doesn't understand... and I... I'm thirty years older than her and I don't understand…" Eddie felt the anger and emotion building again.

Jamie looked her over, he could see the pain and the anguish there, and he wanted to take it all upon himself. "Ssh…I know, it's just not understandable, honey. There's no way to comprehend this, but to keep searching for answers…I don't think that's good."

Eddie didn't seem to hear him, she was stuck in her own musings, "How could God allow this? How could Danny do it?"

Jamie shook his head, he didn't have an answer for her.

Eddie began to cry, she buried her face in her hands, "It should have been me...not my baby...I wish it had been me."

"No Eddie it shouldn't have been anyone. I couldn't lose you either," Jamie said softly

He reached over and held her tight, she didn't fight him...she needed him as much as she was angry with him

Jamie kissed the top of her head rocking her. "I could never lose you Eddie."

Eddie sighed, "I could never lose you either. We have to hold onto each other more. We have to."

"We will Eddie," Jamie held her tight kissing along the side of her head

She fell asleep in his arms.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

The next afternoon, Frank called and requested that Jamie and Eddie come to dinner that Sunday. They had postponed that first appearance a few times already.

"Thanks, Dad, but I'm not sure. Let me talk to Eddie," Jamie told him.

"This is time for family," Frank replied. "We have to get this over with."

Jamie sighed, "Okay, let me talk to Eddie, Dad."

Frank let that go, Jamie would do the right thing. Eddie was at the hospital with Mary.

Jamie hung up and leaned back on the couch. He knew Eddie wouldn't want to go over if Danny was there. He got up and grabbed his keys, he wanted to see his daughters. Eddie had Bella at the hospital.

When he arrived, Eddie was on the bed with Mary, Bella fast asleep

"Hey, look who's here," Eddie smiled at Mary. "You feel like waving at Daddy?" Mary was having a bad day.

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" Jamie smiled kissing all three girls

"Yucky," Mary replied and held onto her mother tighter.

"She's running a fever," Eddie told Jamie as she kept Mary close. "I need you to take Bella to your father's after, I'm going to stay over tonight."

"Of course, Eddie I want to be here with you too. Have the doctors seen her?"

"They came in and ran some tests," Eddie replied. "They think it's just her ears, but the incisions are oozing a little..." Eddie sighed. "Here, baby, drink some more juice."

Jamie sighed watching his daughter take a little sip laying against her mom.

Jamie knew now was not the time to discuss dinner. He sat with Eddie and Mary until the doctor came and called them outside to discuss Mary's condition. Eddie gave the girl a firm kiss and promised, "Mommy will be right back, baby. We're just going to talk to your doctor about how to make you feel better. Close your eyes and rest."

Mary, too tired to put up a fight, started to doze off.

"Doctor what's wrong with our daughter?" Jamie asked when they stepped out into the hall.

"Looks like a mild case of cellulitis from the impaired circulation," he replied. "We'll hit it hard with antibiotics and fluids,"

"She'll be okay right? The antibiotics will help," Jamie looked into Mary's room where she was sleeping.

"She should be okay," the doctor replied. "We'll have to watch and make sure that the leg stays healthy."

Eddie reached for Jamie's hand and squeezed, "Should be?"

"The idea of amputation will be back on the table if the infection spreads," the doctor clarified. "But we aren't there yet."

Jamie sighed gently moving an arm around Eddie. "Help our daughter doctor."

"We will," he replied. "We need to start another IV."

When the nurse came in to start the new medication, Mary went berserk. She thrashed her little arms and head, hot tears running down her cheeks. "I don't want a needle, Mommy! Don't want one!"

Eddie took a breath, "Mary, look at Mommy honey. It's going to make you feel all better, angel. I promise. Look at Mommy…let's sing a song."

Jamie stood back and watched Eddie sooth their daughter. Bella kicked off her blanket and began to cry in response to her sister's tears. Jamie scooped her up and cuddled her, reassuring her with a rock and a bounce.

The nurse managed to start the second IV on Mary with a tiny bit of pressure on her existing site. "There you see, it's over. It's all over," Eddie soothed. "Mommy is here, Mommy is right here."

Jamie moved in when Eddie was settled on the bed with Mary once more. He laid down with Bella wrapped securely in her blanket and held onto his three girls. In the silence and tension of the moment, Bella looked around the room and sprouted a laugh, a huge baby, belly laugh with no origin other than her own amusement with the world.

Her laughing proved contagious, because Mary started to laugh, "Bella's funny," she announced and tickled the baby inciting more laughter.

Eddie began to laugh, her mother's heart elated at her children's joy, and finally Jamie began to laugh, his girls were happy, so he could be happy too, at least in the moment.

The antibiotics did their job after a while. Mary felt sick and tired and wanted the attention of her parents.

Both parents accommodated her with hugs, snuggles and lots of attention.

Jamie was there every chance that he had, Frank helped with Bella as best he could. She liked to laugh now that she discovered it. They loved hearing Bella laugh playing with the girls until Mary fell asleep. Mary seemed to perk up when she was visiting. Eddie gently brushed her daughter's hair watching her sleep.

"Eddie," Jamie gently broached the subject. "My Dad has been pushing me about Sunday dinner."

"Yeah what about it?" Eddie asked keeping her eyes on Mary as she slept.

"About us coming again," Jamie replied. "It's been a few weeks and he thinks we should start coming again."

Eddie shook her head, "I'm not leaving her all alone Jamie; I won't leave until she does."

"The doctor said she can come home soon," Jamie replied. "They think it will help her to have a change."

Eddie sighed looking back at Mary, "I don't know if I can Jamie. He's there."

"So am I," Jamie replied. "I'm sure he knows how much pain his actions inflicted. We shouldn't isolate"

Eddie sighed holding Mary as she thought over what Jamie said.

"Okay, if she is up to it then we will go," Eddie replied. "We are family."

"Thank you Eddie," Jamie kissed her cheek gently. "Love you."

She smiled a false smile, she didn't know how this was going to work out, but she would try, for Jamie.

"Get some rest Eddie," Jamie whispered softly holding her.

"After I feed Bella," she replied and went to tickle the baby's foot.

Bella let out another laugh moving her feet. Jamie smiled checking on Mary.

To any casual observer, they looked like a happy family, no one looking in the room would think anything beyond they had a sick child. The cloud that held their heart 24/7 wasn't visible to the world.

Eddie held Bella in her arms until the little girl fell asleep, Eddie falling asleep right after.

Jamie camped out at the hospital again with his family, he needed some sleep and he got it best with his family close by.

Doctors and nurses came in and out all night to check on Mary quietly letting the family sleep. When Jamie woke up he was met with bright sunshine

Bella was the only one awake. She was looking around and cooing a little bit. She would be eight weeks old the next day.

"Hey beautiful you look like you slept well," Jamie mumbled carefully picking her up

"Ha ah..." she laughed and cooed at her daddy. Jamie felt her diaper, "Oh, you're wet. Come here..."

He smiled and made faces talking while changing her diaper.

"You're a natural father," Frank spoke up.

Jamie looked up as he finished changing her, "I learned from two great fathers."

"There's more to family than being a father, though. There are other relationships..." Frank took a breath. "I don't think Danny realizes yet the gravity of what he's set in motion."

Jamie picked Bella up sighing and walked closer to his father. "I know that Dad everything changed."

"I've spoken with him a few times since this happened and he's of the opinion that it was just one of those things..."

"But it isn't one of those things we lost our son because of him, Mary and Bella's brother."

"That's the point I'm trying to make," Frank replied. "That hasn't quite sunk in and I don't think anyone in this family can heal until it does."

"Well we can't wait forever, Dad. I want things to be okay again for us to be a family."

"I know...talk to Eddie about dinner. I think seeing that empty place there at the table will push it home for your brother..." Frank replied.

"I already spoke to her and she agreed but seeing Danny there won't help her feelings towards him."

"Perhaps it will," Frank replied. 'Now give me this baby, you need to work, and Eddie has to focus on Mary. What do you say, you want to be Commissioner today?" he asked Bella.

Bella responded with a loud laugh kicking her legs out and babbling away brightly.

"She just learned that," Jamie bragged. "And she loves to laugh."

"I can see that well pretty girl I don't mind that," frank cooed his grand daughter

Frank headed out with his little granddaughter in his arms, Jamie went and bought some breakfast for him and Eddie, and Mary's favorite juice as her treat.

 **From NancyReviews:**

 **A special note to my friend and writing partner... Happy Birthday Kristen!**

 **I hope you know how blessed I feel to have you in my life and I wish you many, many more years of good health and happiness, Nancy.**

 **To that end, there will be a bonus chapter of And Then There Were Four posted tomorrow, August 31.**


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

When he returned Eddie was up brushing a hair from Mary's face. "Morning I brought breakfast."

"Hey, where's Bella Beauty?" Eddie asked. "Did you forget her in the bathroom like you did Mary when she was a baby?"

"Hey, I was a new father I didn't know any better. No, my Dad came by and wanted some grandpa time with her, "Jamie smiled

"Oh, good," Eddie replied. "Mary's fever is down so they are going to start some exercises later today."

"Good. You need to eat something Eddie," Jamie offered her the sandwich she liked.

"Is that a bacon, egg, and cheese?" she asked smiling bright. "And coffee?"

"Yeah that nose still amazes me. I bought juice too for you and Mary."

Mary heard her name and perked up a bit, "Juice for me?" She reached out for her drink. She looked much better.

Jamie laughed bringing the juice over giving her a hug before handing over the juice.

Eddie moved to sit closer to Jamie, she felt like she needed to be close to him now, to lean on him. "Did your Dad say anything about Sunday?"

"He asked me to mention to you about coming," Jamie watched Mary sip her juice

"I'll come, this time I'll come..." Eddie replied. "If they let Mary out Saturday like they said, I'll come."

Jamie kissed the side of her head, "That's fair. I have to work but I'll be back after."

Eddie nodded and waited, she wanted him to reach out for her.

"I love you Eddie, make sure to get some sleep too," Jamie kissed her head, hugging her

"I slept really well last night," Eddie assured him. "I love you, be safe."

"I'll call you later," Jamie kissed her one more time then gave one to Mary.

The doctor made good on his word to send Mary home on Friday, Eddie felt terrible she thought that she would prefer they didn't let her go so she could avoid dinner.

Mary was glad to be home and Jamie kept his promise taking the family to Sunday dinner.

"You tell Mommy if you don't feel well okay?" Eddie told Mary as Jamie pushed her small pink wheelchair.

"I will, Mommy. I promise," Mary said leaning back when Jamie lifted the chair inside

Jack and Sean hugged Mary when they saw her and Linda gave her a big kiss. Danny wasn't there, he didn't want to see her come in. Linda and Erin both gave Eddie a hug, "How you doing hon?" Linda asked.

"I'm taking everything day by day," Eddie smiled softly.

"Well, you don't have to worry about anything today, sit back and relax, we're making lamb..." Erin smiled.

"Are you sure I can't help with anything?" Eddie asked feeling bad.

"Not today," Linda replied. "We know it's a lot just having a sick child, never mind only giving birth two months ago and other things.." No one could speak of the loss.

Eddie sighed grateful they didn't say what the other things were. She looked back at Mary talking to Jack and Sean.

Jamie came over to her and slid his arms around her. "You okay? I'm right here you know, I'm here..."

"I know Jamie, thanks. It's just still hard," Eddie whispered.

"I know...you need a minute?" he asked. "Want to go upstairs?"

"Not yet but maybe later thanks," Eddie nestled against him giving a smile.

Jamie put a kiss on her head then got up to go find Frank. He was sitting in the den, "Danny went to pick up ice cream. He didn't think Eddie would come."

"Well she did come Dad, so I hope he's ready for it," Jamie said watching him.

"I hope we all are," Frank replied sipping a whiskey and rubbing his mustache.

Jamie let out a soft breath falling into his own train of thought.

Danny returned with the ice cream a bit later and put it in the fridge. Jamie was with Eddie and Mary, the little girl already tired. "Hey munchkin, how you doing?" Danny asked her softly as he came in.

Eddie instinctively held Mary tighter, she had to take a breath to quell her anger. "Eddie," Danny gave a small smile. Mary looked up at her uncle and started to cry. It was a loud shrill cry, a screech and a sob all at once. She had never made a sound like this before.

"Mary, it's okay. Mommy is here, ssh, tell me what's wrong," Eddie rocked her.

Jamie reached out for her as well and held both of them tight. Mary buried her head against them sobbing and shrieking at once.

"It's okay honey," Eddie tried to soothe her. "Can you back off, she's scared!"

Danny was shocked, he didn't expect Mary to react like that. Jamie felt sick, what did his little girl remember? He tried to take her but she held onto her Mommy.

Sighing quietly Danny turned and walked out of the room not wanting to upset anyone. Linda cleared out the room to give Eddie and Jamie some time to calm Mary. "What is it? Why are you so scared?

"I don't know just felt really scared," Mary sobbed.

"This is Grandpa's house and Mommy and Daddy are here," Jamie comforted with firm reassuring hands.

"I know I can't help it I got really really scared," Mary got more upset unable to say why.

"Jamie, let's take her upstairs to rest."

Jamie gave a quiet nod gently picking Mary up, "I have you honey, it's okay."

Mary fussed but Jamie carried her to the bedroom. "It's okay honey, Daddy has you," Jamie kissed her head settling Mary in his old bed.

Eddie didn't push her anymore, she just rocked and let her settle down. Mary cuddled against her mother's breast calming down to small sobs. She cried herself to sleep in her Mommy's arms. "Go on and eat," Eddie told Jamie. "Bring me a plate."

"I want to be here with her too Eddie," Jamie sighed watching Mary sleep

"She's asleep now and this is your family dinner as you made so clear," Eddie replied. "I can't sit at a table with that man.

Jamie sighed, "Eddie stay with her, but Dad wanted you here and so do I, this is your family too."

"I can't deal with him...She must remember him with the gun..." Eddie sighed. "If your father saw the tape he would understand."

"We don't know what she remembers Eddie, at least think about it okay? "

"I need..." Eddie began. "I need to just...go..."

Jamie sat down and pulled Eddie closer, kissing her head. "Breathe honey."

"It's not helping me..." Eddie replied. "Being here is just too hard, it's too hard."

"Okay come on do you need help getting up? We can go home," Jamie didn't like seeing her like this.

She was shaking head to toe. Jamie carried Mary down and put her on the sofa. On his way back he bumped into his father. "Dad we have to go Eddie is shaking I can't see her like this."

"Can't you at least try?" Danny asked. "I know that something terrible happened but..." Eddie blew her top.

"Something terrible?! You did this! Because of you we lost our-son! Our daughter is hurting!"

"You are babying her just a little bit...She's a tough cookie..." Danny noted.

"She is a baby, our baby! She's still little how dare you! You were supposed to protect them!"

"I was protecting them!" Danny shouted back.

"By drawing fire to them?! That's protecting them?!"

"I didn't!" Danny protested.

"You did and I know why you did too, becaue you only think of yourself, always yourself...I hate you for what you did and I will not sit down at a table with you again. You are not allowed near these children again. Ever!"

Eddie turned on her heel and took Mary, who had been awakened by the yelling to the car. Jamie quickly took Bella and her things to meet her. "I'm sorry, Dad."

Frank nodded and watched as a whole part of his family left devastated. Danny looked at Frank, "Well I guess this was a really bad idea."

"Daniel, the den" Frank commanded. "Now."

Danny hadn't heard that tone in years. He quickly followed Frank to the den and sat. "Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to push her when she got angry with you? She has the right to be angry with you and Jamie!"

"I was doing my job there, Dad! There were bullets flying through the air, at me!"

"And at Jamie and at her children!" Frank emphasized. "It's bad enough that both you and Jamie went against Eddie's wishes for the children. Unfortunately, she was right, it was too dangerous and one of those precious children, your nephew, my grandson, died and another, my granddaughter, your niece, is permanently disabled. You don't seem to grasp the reality of this. You don't…"

"I do!" Danny thundered. "I do know that Joey was killed, I relive that moment every single day. I tried to protect them, I fought back…"

Frank took a breath and turned on the tape.

"Are you all right?" Jamie asked as he drove towards their apartment.

"No," Eddie said stiffly, still angry and shaking. "I knew this was a bad idea, I knew it."

Jamie nodded, "I had no idea Mary would get so upset"

Eddie sighed, "Somewhere in that little head she has the image of her Uncle shooting at her, so yeah, I think she's scared to death of him. He is not to be around her again or Bella, and I swear to God Jamie if you go against me on this again God himself wont' be able to protect you from my wrath!"

Jamie nodded, "You don't' have to remind me every single time we talk that it's my fault! I know it's all my fault!"

"Stop…" Mary whimpered from the backseat. "Stop yelling…no more yelling…"

Eddie and Jamie looked at each other and inhaled sharply, "We're sorry, Buttons," Jamie replied. "Mommy and Daddy are just very tired and we miss Joey."

"Me too," Mary replied. "Joey would play at Grandpa's house with me."

"Yeah, he did," Eddie smiled. 'You hungry? What if we go to Denny's and get big pancakes? Would you like that?"

Mary smiled, at five things were so easy, they could distract her and make her smile with some special attention. There was no special attention in the world that would fix their hearts, not even from each other.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Jamie's hand slid across to rub Eddie's thigh, her hand covered it. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I don't mean to keep bringing it up like that. I just…I know how loyal you are to Danny and how merciless he can be in teasing you and it drives me crazy he exploited you like he did. Then he dragged our kids into his stupid vendetta. If he just played by the rules, but no, he's Danny Reagan and the rules don't apply to him."

Jamie pulled the car into the Denny's parking lot. "I know how that feels, I grew up with it…" He turned and hugged Eddie tight. "I love you, and I won't ever stop regretting that day. I won't."

Eddie inhaled and laid her head on his chest. "I know, you won't, and neither will I."

Danny was captured in the time warp watching the event again, his eyes rounded. He saw himself firing at the cartel, landing shots. It didn't even register that he did something wrong.

He turned to look at his father, "I was doing my job, Dad. I didn't mean for anything to happen."

"But something did," Frank replied. "Mary was permanently disabled and Joey was killed!"

"I know that, Dad! I get that I didn't want that to happen though."

"So why did you call your brother that day? Why didn't either of you remember that a mother's intuition, Eddie's intuition, was sharp? You know this as a detective, you know it."

"I do, Dad, I just...I can't answer that Dad," Danny sighed not knowing why he didn't.

"Then you can't take such a self-righteous approach," Frank replied. "You messed up, you didn't register the affect and children were hurt, our children from this family."

Danny sighed quietly, letting that register his voice quiet, "I know Dad."

"Then act like it" Frank replied. "You screwed up. Plain English."

"Dad I…" Danny stopped to take a deep breath seeing Frank watching him.

"I don't know if Eddie will ever forgive you for this," Frank replied. "Or Jamie."

"I don't either, but I hope they will. I see it every night Dad when I go to sleep."

Frank took a deep breath and held Danny's gaze, "Good because I'm pretty sure your brother, Eddie, and little Mary do too, and they are suffering much more, much more."

"Yeah, I can't imagine what they're going through," Danny sighed quietly.

"Yet it looks like you don't care at all," Frank said standing up. "Chew on that."

"I do care Dad, of course I care," Danny threw his hands up in frustration.

"Chew on it anyway," Frank replied and stood up and left the room with the tape on continuous loop.

Danny turned to look back watching the tape

Eddie and Jamie laughed as Mary ate her pancakes, syrup smeared all over her face.

"Think she's really enjoying those pancakes," Jamie chuckled

"Yummy!" Mary smiled. "Can I have more milk?"

"Sure," Jamie requested the waitress bring more milk for Mary. She did with a smile.

They headed home an hour later, Mary ready for a pain pill and a nap. Bella was sound asleep in her car seat.

Jamie helped get the girls inside and changed for bed.

Eddie sat down and turned on the video. She kept zooming it in to try to see her children's faces.

She looked carefully, rewinding the video then playing it again and again.

Her upset and anger grew, she needed to know one thing, just the one thing...was her little one scared before he died?

Eddie rewound it one last time pausing at different spots hoping that would help.

Jamie heard the computer shatter as Eddie threw it in frustration. She buried her face and began to cry, she had to know, why couldn't she know?

He settled the girls rushing to check on Eddie. "Hey, talk to me. What is it?"

The sound rivaled the noise Eddie made when she first heard Joe was dead. A guttural, pain filled sound as if she had been stabbed in the heart. She doubled over and held herself.

"Eddie honey talk to me," Jamie sat beside her pulling her closer against him and wrapping his arms around her.

She couldn't talk, she couldn't even breath. She held onto Jamie and sobbed.

"Oh Eddie," Jamie sighed holding her and rocking her back and forth.

Jamie felt his own sobs building, he hurt as much as she did, but it was a different kind of hurt

He kissed the side of her head, just holding her tight.

His tears fell on her hair as he cried, hers wet his shirt. When they had cried themselves out, they were both exhausted.

Wordlessly Jamie helped Eddie up holding her all the way up to bed

"What happened in there?" he asked

"I was watching the tape and," Eddie lay her head on his chest

"The tape of the shooting? Why were you doing that honey? We know what is in it."

"But I wasn't there, and I wanted to see," Eddie sighed. "I wanted to see the kids before."

"It was too far off for that," Jamie replied. "It was too far off."

"But I wanted to see I needed to see them," Eddie said

"Why honey?" Jamie pressed. "Why did you need to?"

"I needed to see their faces Jamie," Eddie sobbed

He sighed, he knew that wasn't possible from that angle, he didn't know how to soothe her, it seemed no matter what he did, he didn't know what to say.

Eddie closed her eyes falling asleep on Jamie's chest, sobbing quietly

Jamie called Frank when he was sure Eddie was sound asleep.

"How are Eddie and Mary doing, son?" Frank asked picking up immediately

"Mary settled down once we distracted her with pancakes from Denny's," Jamie replied.' But Eddie, she watched that tape repeatedly trying to see if she could see the kids' faces, when she couldn't she broke the laptop and had a meltdown. I wanted to see if you had access to other angles..."

"Sorry Jamie I don't and if I did it wouldn't be good for Eddie to see it at least not right now," frank said quickly

"I just thought I'd ask," Jamie replied. "You know, as long as I've known Eddie, I always knew how to make her feel better, I always knew, but now I just can't seem to help her."

"I know right now all you can do is be there for her Jamie, she needs you right now," frank said

"I'm trying," Jamie replied. "I'm trying really hard but its' not working. "

"Keep trying, it will work," Frank assured.

"I suggested to go to the bereavement group," Jamie sighed. "I remember how going helped you after Mom died and you only went a few times, but so far she won't hear of it..."

"Give her time Jamie, be there for her to listen when she needs a shoulder to cry on."

"I'm doing that Dad," Jamie sighed. I just don't know how much longer I can watch her suffer."

'That's the hardest part, feeling helpless because you can't do anything."

Eddie turned over and whimpered a bit in her sleep, "Mommy's here," she murmured. "Mommy's coming JoJo..." Jamie knew he had to hang up.

"Dad I better go thanks for listening," he sighed ending the call and settled beside Eddie

Jamie didn't wake her, if she woke he would be there by her side, but he didn't want to wake her up to more pain. Perhaps her subconscious would work things out.

Instead he held her and kissed Eddie's head laying with her. "Love you."

She sighed and moved closer to him, she needed him, and he needed her, they deeply needed each other to survive.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

Eddie and Mary slept through the night. Jamie dozed around 4am only to wake up with his alarm at 6am. He was wound tighter than a top when he got to work and hooked up with Charlie.

The younger man was smiling and looked like a million bucks even though Jamie could tell by his rumpled uniform and stained collar he had a fun filled night.

"You need to go and straighten up in the locker room where the guys off night tour are showering," Jamie told him. "And get presentable. The police face enough issues without you looking like the playboy of the western world!"

Charlie rolled his eyes, "You are so uptight, Reagan! I mean really, does marriage mellow a guy out that much?"

"This has nothing to do with marriage!" Jamie snapped. "This is about being professional and responsible, so get cleaned up!"

Charlie only laughed and squeezed Jamie's shoulders from behind, "You need to lighten up. Come out with us tonight, after work, just one beer. I know you're grieving your son and your little girl is hurt and it's making you old before your time. You'll be a better Dad if you just relax, man."

Charlie headed off to steam his uniform, but Jamie realized he had a point. He was wound so tight he was like a rattler ready to strike. What if he did? What if he did lash out at Eddie or Heaven forbid Mary in his tension. Perhaps a drink with his friends that night would be just want the doctor ordered.

The tour was calm, thankfully, considering Charlie's post coital buzz and Jamie's fatigue. When the tour was over, even Renzulli joined them for a beer.

Jamie sat on the end of the bar, Charlie bough him the first beer. "Stout, right?"

Jamie nodded and took a long sip, "Thanks, Charlie. I do appreciate you being here for me through this, it's no picnic to be partnered with a Reagan and with me going through all this…"

"I'm here to help, and you need to loosen up," Charlie replied. "Let's have a drink to your son's memory. To Joey…"

Jamie nodded, and raised his glass. "To Joey."

Eddie settled Mary on the couch after her therapy session at the children's hospital

"Mommy, can you sing us a song please?" Mary asked cuddling close.

"You want Mommy to sing now? You don't want to wait till later?"

"I want you to sing now and later," Mary told her.

"Okay, baby," she whispered. "What song? Let's sing it together." Eddie settled with Mary and Bella. Jamie should be home soon.

They sang a few songs, Eddie checking the clock, it was after Jamie was supposed to be home

She heard a knock at the door and hurried to answer it. "Did you forget your keys?"

Frank stood outside smiling, "Hey Eddie, just me checking in on you. I wanted to see how Mary was doing?"

"She'll be glad to see you," Eddie replied. "I thought you were Jamie, he hasn't come home yet."

"He probably got stuck with a late collar," Frank replied as Mary turned around sitting up to look over the couch, her eyes round. "Grandpa!"

"Hey, sweet pea," he smiled. "Did you go to the doctor today? _

"I did Grandpa come sit with us. Mommy was singing."

"Oh, she was!" Eddie marveled at how Frank could make anything sound terrific.

"Mommy is the best singer," Mary told him.

"She is," Frank replied. "What song did you sing?"

"We sang a lot because Mommy has a great voice," Mary settled against Eddie

They sang a few more songs then Frank smiled as Mary dozed off.

"How are you doing, Eddie?" Frank asked

"Day by day," she replied. "I do better when Jamie is home."

Frank nodded, "Understandable in both ways."

Eddie smiled, "Do you want to stay for dinner?"

"I would like that yes. Do you need any help?"

"No, just calling for Chinese, pick a couple things..."

Frank looked through the menu picking his usual favorites.

They put in the order and Frank entertained his girls. Eddie was smiling, she liked to see Mary happy.

After enjoying each other's company, Frank left and Eddie got the girls ready for bed. "Mommy, where's Daddy?"

"He had to work late honey but he should be home soon," Eddie said

Eddie heard commotion at the door and kissed Mary's head, "Smoosh down there, Mommy will be right back." She hurried downstairs pulling the door open and stood back.

"We took him for a beer and he got a little carried away," Charlie explained. "Where can we stash him?"

"Bring him to the couch," Eddie pointed following them. "Lay him down there, thank you."

They nodded and headed out.

"Mommy, is that Daddy?" Mary called out. "Can he tuck me? My leg aches."

Eddie looked at Jamie, "Are you able to tuck her in?"

"Yeah, she needs me, she needs us..." Jamie sighed and got up. Eddie watched him, raising an eyebrow, and followed him.

He got up and went to see Mary, "Where does it hurt?"

Mary pointed to her leg, "Right there, Daddy."

It was the good leg, he and Eddie shared a look. "Okay, Buttons. How about Daddy holds you and Mommy will rub the medicine on it?"

Mary reached up with two hands wanting him to pick her up. Jamie lifted Mary and held her on his lap while Eddie took care of her leg. Jamie felt sick to his stomach. Mary snuggled against him closing her eyes smiling happily

She fell asleep quickly then Jamie laid her on the bed. "Love you, Buttons."

Eddie was staring at Jamie. "You need to go to bed too."

"Yeah, I feel sick. Let's go to bed," Jamie agreed

Eddie steered him to the bed and watched him drop. She didn't like him in this shape around their girls but he had to grieve as well.

She sighed, lying awake watching Jamie sleep. She needed him and so did the girls

She had her grief, she cried, she yelled...perhaps this was his way of grieving. She sometimes lost sight of the fact he hurt too,

Giving Jamie a sigh she rubbed his cheek gently, Jamie slept

Mary had a hard night, and Eddie had to get up a number of times with her. Jamie slept through all of that, the alcohol taking him away from the pain and the loss. Eddie fell asleep with Mary.

Jamie woke with a groan stretching out before getting ready for work

Eddie's side of the bed was empty and not even slept in, he had come home drunk so perhaps she was just angry. He'd make it up to her later. When Eddie woke up in Mary's bed, where she had dozed comforting her little girl, she went to make Jamie's coffee, but he was already gone. She sighed sadly, making breakfast for herself and Mary.

She hoped to be able to talk to Jamie that morning, but he didn't seem to think that was necessary. It was just the once, and everyone mourned in their own way, she would let it go, she just hoped it didn't' happen again.

Charlie turned to give his partner a smile raising his glass. "Another night with me huh?"

"Eddie was taking Mary to my Dad's house."

"Oh okay not that I'm complaining or anything," Charlie said.

Jamie smiled, "loser at darts buys the first round."

"Fine by me get your wallet out," Charlie grinned

"Mary honey," Eddie sighed as she carried her crying girls into Frank's house.

"What's all this crying about?" Frank greeted them taking Mary from Eddie

"Her leg hurts," Edie replied. "The nerves are healing.

"Oh come here, let Grandpa see," Frank rocked Mary leading them into the living room.

With Frank to help them, Eddie was able to nurse Bella and tend to her tears

He had Mary calmed and cuddled with her on his chair.

"Tell me all about your therapy," Frank whispered. "Do they have fun things there to play with?"

"It's really hard work Grandpa, sometimes it isn't a lot of fun."

Frank kissed Mary's head, "I love you peanut. You want a cookie?"

"I love you too Grandpa, yes please with milk."

Frank got the cookies, and Eddie burped Bella. "Thanks Frank, this is a good distraction for her on therapy days."

"You are welcome anytime Eddie," Frank smiled settling back in.

"Score!" Jamie smiled as he beat Charlie a third time.

"Ugh no way another game I'm going to beat you before we go home."

"I really have to go," Jamie replied. "I want to be home before Eddie. We are getting things worked out well."

"Good for you all right but next time I'm going to beat you," Charlie smirked.

"It's a bet," Jamie replied and headed home.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

Jamie got home after Eddie. She struggled through the door with both girls. She picked up the mail, momentarily glancing at a letter from her father's halfway house. She slid Bella's carrier to the floor and went to put Mary in bed, both girls were sound asleep.

Jamie came in while Eddie was putting Mary down. She saw him with the glassy eyes that told the story of his night time activities. He'd been out drinking again, but this time, thankfully he wasn't drunk.

"Hey," she greeted going to pick up Bella and give her a rock and cuddle before putting her to bed.

"Hey," Jamie replied. They had been reduced to that.

"They fell asleep on the way back," Eddie whispered rocking Bella.

"Let me put her in bed, then we can watch a movie or something," Jamie suggested.

"That sounds good," Eddie gave him Bella adding a gentle kiss on her head. Maybe they could talk, she missed him so much.

While Jamie laid the baby down, Eddie went through the mail. In the pile, she found a note from her dad, just checking on her and making sure she was okay. That pushed Eddie and she began to cry, the loss renewed with each expression of sympathy

There was a picture of them at the last visit to see Armin. She was pregnant with Bella and Joey had on a huge grin. She would put this with the last note they had left for her with his little handwriting and fingerprint on it. She began to cry at the memories.

Jamie came down rushing over when he heard Eddie crying. "What is it, Eddie?"

She held up the photo up. Each time she got upset, the gates opened up wide and the wound bled all over again.

"Oh Eddie," Jamie pulled her closer and held her tight. "I know, I know."

She couldn't settle down, it was as if the pain just gripped her. Jamie could not take seeing this, it hurt them both.

"Eddie, look at me. Take a deep breath," his voice cracked.

"We need to find some help for this," Jamie said softly. "We need help."

"I need our boy," Eddie sobbed into his chest in between small breaths.

"I know," he whispered. "I know."

"Why Jamie?" Eddie shook against him.

"I don't know," he sighed. "I don't know. What about trying that group just once. If we hate it, we don't have to go back. What do you say?"

"It won't bring our joey back, Jamie," Eddie reached a hand out to him.

"No," he agreed. "But it might just help us cope with him being gone."

Eddie let a long breath out, "You think so?"

"Can it hurt to try?" Jamie asked giving her a stronger hug.

Eddie shook her head, "I guess not."

"I love you, Jamie," Eddie whispered nuzzling him. "I miss you when you are out late. Try to be home more, okay?"

Jamie wasn't sure he could promise that.

Frank agreed to watch the girls when Jamie and Eddie chose to go to the group meeting. He was the only person Eddie trusted with her two babies. She was ready at six and waiting for Jamie. The house was unusually quiet giving Eddie time to think while she waited.

Frank had taken the girls out, Mary had been after a hot dog, so he indulged his little granddaughter. It was nearly 6:45 when Jamie finally got home, Eddie was nearly out of patience. "Where were you? We have the group today and I've been waiting," Eddie demanded.

"I got stuck at work," Jamie replied. She inhaled, "You were out with Charlie again; you smell like a tobacco factory."

"Eddie, Jamie replied. "This isn't easy for anyone, and I need some time too."

"I understand that Jamie. I know you're grieving too,' Eddie sighed.

"Yeah, and I need this time to decompress, let's go we'll be late," he replied and splashed on some cologne.

Eddie nodded leaving it there and followed him.

The church basement was crowded. "Isn't this just parents that lost kids?" Eddie asked astonished at how many there were.

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting this many; thought it would be less," Jamie sighed.

"So tragic," Eddie replied and held his hand. He surveyed the room leading Eddie to two empty seats giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

A tall man with a warm smile came over to them, "Hi, you two are new here. I'm Steven."

"Yes, it's our first time. I'm Jamie, and this is my wife Eddie."

"Son or daughter?" he asked. "My son, two years ago."

"Our son," Jamie said his voice cracking.

"He's here," Eddie reached for her phone to show his photo.

Steven stopped her, "No, no pictures. We don't look to the past, this is about moving on."

"That's what we're trying to do. It just happened and it's been hard."

"Well, we are here to help. Here's my cell, you can call and talk to me anytime," Steven replied. "You don't get over it, but you can get through day by day."

"Thank you, Steven. We really appreciate it," Eddie said taking the card. They had already added their cell phones and e-mails to the group contact list, and received a copy, but it was nice to feel so welcomed.

He smiled at them and sat next to them as the meeting started. They didn't share much, just listened to how many parents lost their children, some a long time ago. Would it ever get better at all?

Jamie held Eddie the entire time exchanging a look with her as they heard all the stories from the other parents. Finally toward the end, she started to talk. "I'm Eddie and this is my husband Jamie we lost our son Joe recently. He liked to play with his sisters. He was three, but so gentle with Bella, she's only two months old.

Jamie looked down at his lap listening to her talk about their boy. She smiled as she remembered him kicking the soccer ball and running to meet them and they both cried recounting his sad scary final moments

The group listened, all eyes on them.

"I only hope he died before he realized," Eddie wiped her face.

Jamie gave Eddie a tight hug, his own eyes moist. "Thank you so much for sharing your story," the pastor said. "And for being here today. Let us pray." They bowed their heads both thinking of their boy.

"You were right," Eddie said as they got home that night. "It helped a bit having others that understand."

"I'm glad Eddie," Jamie wrapped his arms around her placing a kiss on her head.

He wasn't so sure himself, he felt worse than ever before. He wanted a break from this. He wanted a drink to relax...

Jamie held onto Eddie watching until she fell asleep, his mind whirling. He needed to call Charlie, he felt better with Charlie.

Charlie didn't answer, he probably had a girl inside. Jamie laid down on the bed, mind spinning. He couldn't keep going to this thing.

He finally slept. He was not looking forward to the next session.

Eddie wanted to firmly commit to the meetings, she felt better and a bit lighter, but Jamie tried to avoid it coming late, or not at all.

Eddie often waited for him but was disappointed when he didn't show.

"My wife can't bring herself to come either," Steven told her at one session. "She blames herself for his death."

"It was his idea to come. I don't know why he isn't," Eddie said

"You said in one session that he was in a way at fault for your son's death," Steven replied.

"Sadly, yes, he and his brother," Eddie nodded.

"Maybe facing the responsibility is too much on him," Steven suggested.

"Maybe, but then he should be able to tell me, so we can work it out."

"He might not be able to face you," Steven sighed. "My wife and I are married in name only, for our other kids.

Eddie breathed out shaking her head slowly, but didn't respond.

When Eddie got home she was drained. She pushed Mary into the house and was wearing Bella. Jamie was home.

The living room lights were on Jamie stood by the couch unsteadily.

"Oh, no," she sighed. "Not again, not again."

Eddie pushed Mary in taking her right to her room then laying Bella down in her crib.

She returned to the living room with her hands on her hips.

Jamie spun around stumbling as he did. "Eddie hey."

"No," she said firmly. "You are not going to do this. You are not!"

"Do what? I just needed time," Jamie started around the couch.

"You are not going to go out and drink and then show up home that way near my girls! No!" Eddie fumed. "I accepted you doing this because it might be how you are coping, but not near my girls."

"I wouldn't with the girls, they're my girls too Eddie remember?"

"The Jamie I know would not come home this way, this drunk..." Eddie snapped as Mary started to call out for him. "Daddy, please...Mommy..."

"Coming honey," Jamie started past Eddie giving her a look as he did.

"NO!" Eddie said firmly. "She's not feeling well, I will put her to bed. You smell like a brewery. This is not happening around my kids!"

"They're my kids too, Eddie, and I'm fine," Jamie moved forward reaching out for the couch.

Eddie went to Mary, "I'm sorry honey. Let's get you changed and ready for bed okay?"

"Thank you, Mommy, I'm so tired," Mary said.

"Okay," Eddie got Mary on the bed and slowly changed her clothes. She rubbed the lidocaine cream on her legs and put on the pull up in case she couldn't get them fast enough if she pee pee'd at night. "Can Daddy tuck me?" Eddie looked to the living room, Jamie had passed out on the couch. "Mommy will tuck you tonight, okay?"

Mary was so sleepy she could barely keep her eyes open. "Love you, Mommy."

"I love you too," Eddie whispered. "Sleep well, my girl." Eddie tucked the blankets around Mary and kissed her head. She got up and poked Jamie, "We are not done!"

Jamie snored in response sprawled out across the couch, completely knocked out

Eddie sat down and bit her lip. How was this happening? It was not fair, it was just not fair. She lost her son, and now Jamie too. She needed him. Eddie felt so alone.


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Jamie's absence was felt acutely inside the family. Mary wanted her daddy at night and he was rarely home and in the shape where he could be with her. He didn't go to group much, though after his argument with Eddie, he did try. She tried to talk to him over and over, but he had shut down for the moment.

Sometime after Eddie remembered there was a soccer ceremony Joe's old team.

One of the mothers had called to invite her to come. She knew Jamie couldn't come, he was working, but she wanted to go and try to remember her little boy.

She asked Frank to watch the girls for a little while and headed to the ceremony.

The little boys all ran to see Mrs. Eddie. She made a lot of snacks and was so much fun. One little boy, Tommy, asked, "Where did Joey go?"

Eddie's eyes watered looking to one of the mom's not able to answer.

"Tommy," Laura, his mother, said softly. "Remember we talked about Joey going to Heaven? Give Mrs. Eddie a huge hug now..." The feel of Tommy's little arms was like a twist of the knife, but she vowed to be happy.

"Thank you for inviting me to come," Eddie told Laura wiping her eyes.

"It wouldn't be the same without you here," she replied. "We have medals for all the kids and we want to do a balloon release in his honor."

"Thank you," Eddie's voice cracked as she followed her to the other parents.

The little ones ran around and played, Eddie could see Joey in her mind's eye, running with the ball, missing it and falling. She loved him so much.

The moms came over hugging Eddie asking how she was doing.

"I'm holding up," she replied. "I'm holding up, but this is a little rough. He loved it here, this is his Heaven."

"Yeah he did, all the kids loved him too. He was a good kid."

Eddie smiled and bit her lip, she was going to celebrate her boy today. The coach smiled and started to hand out the medals. He called each boy and hung a medal around their necks. Last he went over to Eddie, "On behalf of the Pee Wee Soccer League, please accept this medal and team picture in memory of Joe."

Eddie walked over tears, swelling in her eyes, "Thank you, Joe loved playing here."

"We loved having him," the coach replied. "Our prayers are with you and the family."

"Thank you very much for everything," Eddie managed to say.

She had to get away from there before she lost it. She needed her husband, she needed her Jamie. Shaking and in tears, she got into the car and drove toward the precinct.

She parked the car going inside in tears, "Hi, is Jamie in his office?"

"Hey," Renzulli came out and looked at Eddie. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to see Jamie Sarge it's about Joe," Eddie held the medal in her hand

"Come on and sit down a minute, ha?" he suggested and eased her into his office. "Here, you want some tea?

Eddie shook her hand taking in deep breaths the tears falling in earnest. "Where's Jamie?"

"He left already, he and Charlie got off tour at five," he replied. "I assume he's on his way home to you and those beauties. How's Mary's leg?"

"She's still hurting but…He went home? Why didn't he call if he saw I wasn't there?"

"He said he knew you'd be out I think," Renzulli replied. "You know, they might have stopped off, they go to Muldoon's or Spence's a lot to shoot darts, give that a shot."

"Thanks I will, good to see you Sarge," Eddie stood up going back out to her car trying Muldoon's.

She parked and looked inside. There was Jamie and Charlie, a couple of pretty girls near them. Her heart lurched, it hurt, she needed her husband's arms, she needed her Jamie.

Eddie watched Jamie standing close to the girls smiling as he flirted.

She took a breath and went inside, fully intending to confront him, but when she saw him there...the body language, the laughter, a smile she hadn't seen in months...she didn't have the words.

Eddie choked back a deep sob turning and rushing out the door back to her car.

She was the first person at group that night. She couldn't go home like this, she didn't know where to go.

One of the dads they knew well, Steven walked in and spotted Eddie sitting alone. "Eddie, hey are you all right?"

She stood up and burst into tears. The sob was uncontrollable as she clutched the picture and the medal to her chest. The pain was overwhelming.

"Hey, what happened come here," Steven helped her sit back down pulling a chair closer to hug her.

Eddie sobbed out the whole story about the medal, the picture, and Jamie not being there. She didn't mention the flirting, she still had to protect her husband.

"Oh, Eddie that must have been so hard for you," Steven said comforting her.

"I just need Jamie." she hiccupped. "I just...I need to get out of here, I can't be here. Can we go somewhere get some coffee I can't be here."

"Of course, I know a great place we can go come on," Steven helped her up.

They talked quietly over coffee, each one understanding the other's loss in a unique way. Each of them had lost a child, each of them directly or indirectly at the hands of their spouse's negligence. The coffee was distracting, but too soon it was time to go back to reality.

When Steven hugged Eddie goodbye, she began to cry. She was so overwhelmed with emotions, the grief, the anger…the tears would not stop, and they began in earnest and ran down her cheeks.

Steven held her shoulders, "Eddie, I really do understand. It's not fair that we lost our children, it's not fair that neither of our spouses understand, but I do, I know how much it hurts."

Eddie looked up at Steven, eyes shining with tears and vulnerability. Steven reached out to cup her cheek, then brought his lips down on hers with immense passion. The next thing she knew, she was in his arms, in the hotel room across the street from the coffee shop, not sure of how she got there, and not sure how she had stayed away this long.

Steven had an athletic physique and a rugged outward appearance. He was rough around the edges and had the same bad boy image of Eddie's high school boyfriends. This coupling was hard and fast, even as it was happening Eddie felt outside of her own body, sad and empty. If it wasn't for her girls she would want to end this pain once and for all.

When it was over, Eddie gathered her clothing and slipped out of the room, not even stopping to talk to Steven, though he was awake and staring at her as she dressed. She walked, head down to her car, and started for home. She was barely able to contain the tears while she was still in the hotel room. Now that she was in the privacy of her car, she let it all out. The pain was overwhelming, she had betrayed her husband, betrayed her family. Eddie felt lost, like a stranger in her own life.

She stopped at a red light to turn on her phone. There were at least ten messages from Jamie asking where she was and if she was all right. The last one read…"Guess you needed time to yourself. See you in the morning."

Eddie cried harder. She was glad Jamie would be asleep, she would be able to wash this off of her before she revealed this terrible mistake. This was unforgivable. She was numb.


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

The house was dark and quiet when she got home, she crept though the rooms and found Bella asleep in her crib, her little mouth suckling in her dreams. She was their innocent, not marred by anything.

"I love you, honey," Eddie whispered giving her a soft kiss on her head.

She went to Mary's room. She was sleeping with the help of a child strength sleep aid and her security object. She was still struggling to adjust to the circumstances.

"I love you, Mary," Eddie whispered planting a kiss on her head.

Eddie was trying hard not to cry again. She stepped into the bedroom, Jamie was sound asleep on his back. Good, she would have time to wash off...well…everything...she could put this behind her.

Quietly, she gathered her things taking them into the bathroom to shower.

She turned the water on high and stepped into the spray. She let the water run down her face and her back. The water felt good, helping her relax and take her mind her off everything that happened.

She felt Steven all over her, his hands on her, his scent. She wanted it gone, she wanted it gone right now. But she could, there was no way...

The tears began to fall Eddie was gasping as she cried trying to hold back so Jamie wouldn't hear. Still, the pain was just too much. She hiccupped and sobbed sliding down the shower wall. How could she have done this? How could she?

The cries traveled into the bedroom waking Jamie up. "Eddie," he called walking into the bathroom. He found the door was locked. The steam was gathering around the door...

"Eddie? Eddie, open up the door honey I'm worried," Jamie said knocking gently

She didn't hear him until she turned off the spray. She heard Jamie then, "I'll be right out..."

Sighing Jamie leaned-against the door waiting for her to finish. Jamie went and laid down on the bed. He knew Eddie would be upset he went to Danny's birthday, but the tears...that he did not expect

Eddie finally came out, eyes red and bloodshot from crying, quietly getting in next to him. Jamie sat up in bed and looked at Eddie. She started to sob again, she couldn't keep this secret.

She pulled back from him, not an unusual thing lately, the tears running down her face. Eddie sniffled and then tried to speak. All the words were jumbled up, how could she tell Jamie what she had done?

Eddie was shaking, she put her hands up over her mouth and bit down. "Oh, Jamie...I can't believe...I am so sorry I..."

"Ssh tell me what happened, Eddie," Jamie soothed softly reaching for her. The words did not want to come, they were stuck in her throat. They had already had enough tragedy.

Jamie listened, getting quiet, looking at her taking in small breaths

"I can't be...I can't...I...oh my God..." She hiccupped. "Oh, God I'm so awful."

Seeing her cry brought out the emotion in Jamie. "Eddie honey tell me please."

Eddie had a lot of false starts, how did she tell her husband she slept with another man. Finally, on a long deep breath, she just blurted out, "I slept with Steven."

"Wait what?" Jamie stared at her not expecting to hear that.

He was in total disbelief. He and Eddie had a solid partnership, best friends, best lovers, husband and wife and now she said this...he literally felt his heart break. "You slept..." He swallowed the tears in his throat.

"Jamie, I didn't I didn't mean…I regret it," Eddie sobbed hard. "I'm sorry."

Eddie reached out for him, but he backed up and put his hands up. "How could you? How..." His voice broke and the tears flowed freely from his eyes. "You're my wife..."

"I know Jamie I didn't I it happened then... Jamie, I'm so sorry."

Eddie sobbed, she could not stop herself from sobbing so hard she was coughing. "I was just so angry and... I have no excuse for this. It just happened and I regret it so much. I...couldn't lie to you, I had to be honest, just please...forgive me Jamie, please."

Jamie looked up suddenly finding himself unable to look at her, when he did he was reminded of what she did.

"I can't even look at you," Jamie whispered, his throat constricted with pain. "I can't...I..."

"I can't either," Eddie continued sobbing looking down at her hands.

Jamie usually wanted to hold her when she was sad like this, but instead he got out of bed, taking his pillow with him.

Eddie listened as he shuffled out of the room laying down and crying harder. She fell to her knees when he slammed the door to Joey's bedroom. He had to have the space, he couldn't be near her, he just couldn't.

Jamie knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. All he could think of was little Joey, just like the first time he'd been in this room after his funeral. He had laid in this bed with him to comfort him, to play with him, and now he laid here to hide inside of himself. He just couldn't fathom that Eddie had done this.

Jamie shut his eyes and saw the image of his wife, his beloved wife underneath another man, a man he called a friend. It made him nearly sick to his stomach. He turned in the bed and held onto Joey's Thomas the train pillow, using it to stifle his sobs.

For her part, Eddie cried until her face burned. Jamie was right there, so close to her, yet he'd already built a barrier around his heart. He couldn't stand the sight of her, and she could barely stand the sight of herself. There was no sleep to be had for either of them that night.

The next few days were rough on the whole family. Jamie was staying away, keeping a firm distance from Eddie, still the place in Joey's room didn't seem to be far enough.

After three days, it was the day of Mary's first assessment and Jamie and Eddie both took her to the therapist with Bella in her sling across Eddie's chest. "Well, it's good to see you both here," the therapist smiled. "How are you, Mary? You look a little sleepy."

"A little bit but I want to show Daddy what I can do," she told her

"Okay, then Daddy, let's show off what this girl can do," the therapist replied. "Then we have new exercises to teach so I'm glad both of you are here." They took Mary back and Eddie and Jamie sat down by the observation window. "She needs us, Jamie. Both of us."

Jamie only nodded watching Mary working with the therapist. "I know Eddie."

Eddie turned to watch Mary for a second glancing back at Jamie

They were barely speaking. He was still in shock and so was she. She was glad for Mary's appointment, it gave that some excuse to be together.

"The therapy will help her, she's strong," Jamie assured not meeting Eddie's eyes.

"We named her for your mother because she was so strong, even as a tiny baby." Eddie looked at Bella who blew a raspberry at her and cooed. "We named her Bella because what did you say?"

"She was the most beautiful baby just like her mother," Jamie recalled.

Eddie stroked Bella's head gently then watched Mary doing her transfer. When she did it smoothly, Jamie and Eddie both smiled.

"Our girls," Eddie sighed quietly looking at Bella again.

Jamie and Eddie, we're called in later and shown Mary's new exercises. One involved a long stretch that made the little girl squeal.

Eddie sat up quickly, "is that hurting her? Is there another way to do that one?"

"It does hurt at first," The therapist replied. "It is to help loosen the knee. She will drag the leg if we can't loosen that up."

Sighing, Eddie watched with a concerned glance hating to see her baby hurting.

"I don't like it, Mommy," she cried. "I don't like this, I don't want to do it."

"I know, honey I know. Try to focus on Mommy, it'll help you get better," Eddie soothed.

They coached Mary through hat hard part then held her and Bella when the session ended

"You did such a great job, honey. We're proud of you," Jamie said. "You ready for ice cream?"

"Yay ice cream!" Mary cheered smiling.

They drove to the ice cream parlor and Jamie parked the car. This was the exact spot where they had shared ice cream before Joey died. Jamie took the kids out and started in with them but Eddie hung back staring at the spot, utterly frozen. This was where it was, this was where his whole thing started. She felt her heart race.

Jamie was already through the door when he realized that Eddie had hung back. He turned around to go and get her and bring her in.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

In spite of his own pain and anger, he squeezed her hand in solidarity over their loss. They both were grieving their son and while Jamie had been back to this spot several times this was Eddie's first.

"This is where this whole nightmare began. I miss my boy so very much, now I've lost you both." Jamie stood next to Eddie saying nothing their eyes locked before he walked back to the table where Mary waited for her ice cream.

"Cookies and cream and sprinkles right?" Jamie asked. Mary shook her head, "No, chocolate chip...And chips on it."

That had been Joey's favorite. "Are you sure?" Jamie asked.

Mary nodded with a few tears running out of her eyes. "I miss Joey, we were here with Joey."

Eddie couldn't contain it, she started to cry along with Mary. She looked up at Jamie "Why here of all the ice cream places, why here?"

Jamie took a breath and said matter of fact, "This is the last place Joey was Joey."

Eddie looked down, "I never got to say goodbye."

The moment was pretty intense. Mary was trying to stop crying, sniffling and wiping her cheek on her sleeve. Eddie took out a tissue for her, "Here baby use this on your eyes."

Mary wiped her face and put the tissue down on table. Jamie went to order the ice cream while Bella looked around the brightly lit room. She saw something that enticed or amused her and pointed at the wall "Aah…' she squealed happily kicking her legs and feet. No one could be said while Bella showed such delight.

Jamie delivered the ice cream, he didn't even have to ask Eddie what kind she wanted, he knew her well. Mary looked at her bowl, chocolate chip with chips and sprinkles, the sprinkles were always her favorite part. She smiled at her Daddy and started to eat her treat.

"Can we do this all the time?" she asked her parents as she worked on the confection.

"Honey, Daddy has to work a lot of therapy days," Jamie replied. "But I'll tell you what we can do, we can do this each time you learn something new. If Daddy had to work we'll do it the next day."

Eddie was happy to hear him make that promise, she hoped it meant that he saw a future for them even if it was just as Mary and Bella's parents. She hoped when the shock wore off they could talk about it, but nothing was for certain at this point in time.

Mary was happy with Jamie's answer as well and settled down to finish her ice cream. Eddie kept looking over at Jamie, he kept focused on the girls. It wasn't time to get into this yet, he needed more time to absorb what had happened to their marriage, to their trust. He had made up his mind about one thing, he could not share a bed with Eddie, not now, not for a long while, if ever.

When they got home, Eddie put both girls in for a nap and Jamie prepared to leave for Charlie's. "I can't stay here, Eddie. I tried for a few days, but I just can't do it. I'm going to crash at Charlie's and see how that feels, because this is not working."

Eddie took a deep breath, she knew that was coming, but she didn't know it was going to hurt this much. She didn't argue with him, she just let him go.

He couldn't tell his family about this, he couldn't do that to Eddie even now, but his partner, that was a horse of another color.

Eddie didn't sleep all night. She called Jamie a few times to try to talk, but he didn't answer her. Mary got up and Eddie got her ready for therapy. She was used to Jamie being gone in the day time, so it wasn't that big of a deal to her until later at night.

"Where is Daddy?

Mary asked. "He promised to read to me."

"I don't know honey, maybe he had to work late again. Do you want mommy to read to you?"

Mary shook her head. "No, Daddy promised..." It broke Eddie's heart to hear her daughter say that. He did promise, he promised a lot of things, they both had.

Sighing Eddie gave her a hug "I know honey I'm sorry."

Mary began to cry. "But he said..." she sobbed and buried her face in her hands. "Daddy said if I was good. I was good Mommy, I work hard, and I was good..." Eddie took a breath, "I'll be right back, Mary."

Eddie grabbed her cell phone calling Jamie again angrily listening to it ring in her ear

She didn't bother to leave a message, instead she called the only place she knew he would be. Charlie tossed Jamie another beer as his cell phone rang. "It's your wife, man...and she is not stopping."

"She can wait I can't face Eddie right now," Jamie popped open the beer and downed it.

Eddie left an angry message on Charlie's phone. "I know he's there and I know he likely wants nothing to do with me, but this is about our Mary so tell him to get his butt over here and read her the story he promised to read her, or I will kick his butt till Hell wont' have it again."

Charlie picked up the message after it finished, "uh Jamie she's pissed you blew off your daughter."

"Oh, crap!" Jamie sighed. "I did tell her I'd read her the bunny book tonight if she did well in her therapy...Damn it! What am I going to do, I can't see Eddie, I can't look at her..."?

"Then don't, go read your little girl her book, and don't worry about your wife."

The husband in Jamie was angry with Eddie and so hurt by her actions but the father in him..."I'll be back in about an hour, okay?

"Okay, you're welcome here anytime you need man," Charlie nodded.

"Thanks, leave it open for me," Jamie replied and headed over to their apartment to soothe Mary's tears.

Jamie heard her crying entering the house. He hurried to Mary's room, "Hey Buttons."

Eddie glared at him as she rocked Mary on her lap. "Look, honey. You see, he was just late. He was just late."

"I couldn't forget my promise to read you a book," Jamie retrieved the book sitting down reaching out for her

Mary was exhausted. She looked dragged out and very fatigued. She didn't' move from Eddie, she felt so weak and tired.

Jamie took her, cradling his daughter while starting to read slowly, not looking at Eddie.

Eddie got some warm compresses for Mary's legs, not letting Jamie's anger distract her from her daughter.


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

They did this for the next week, Jamie would come and go from the house, often coming late for a story and once missing one altogether. When he came the next day, towards the end of his tour, just before dinner, Eddie addressed that with him.

"If you are going to insist on staying with Charlie, I need you to talk to Mary and tell her you aren't staying here," Eddie replied. "She's been through so much and she is very stressed and strained.

Jamie sighed, "I'll talk to her Daddy to daughter and try to explain things."

"You do that," Eddie replied. She knew she was in the wrong, there was no two ways about that, she had betrayed their vows, but he had his responsibility there too.

Jamie finished gathering his things waiting for Mary to wake up, so they could talk.

She got up a half hour later, happy to be cuddled up to her Daddy.

"How was your nap honey," he asked softly, rubbing her back.

"Good," she replied. "Still feel kind of yuck sometimes. Tired a stuff."

"Yeah I know you do but it'll get better and Mommy and I are here to help."

"Why haven't you been sleeping here?" Mary asked. "Because I call out a lot and need to get up."

"No, Mary, of course not. I'm sorry honey, actually I wanted to talk to you about that. Daddy is still really sad about losing Joe."

"Me too," Mary replied. "Is that why you don't want to stay by me? Cause Joe got dead and I didn't?"

"No that's not it at all I love you so much and I love Bella and Mommy too. Daddy just needs some time to think."

"So, you leave me?" Mary asked. "Daddy please don't do that. Please don't stay someplace else. Please..."

"I would never leave you Mary I love you so much. Daddy will be here to read to you and cuddle."

"But sleep somewhere else?" she pressed. "Because you are mad at me and Mommy and Bella."

"Daddy just needs a break for a little while okay?"

"No..." Mary began to cry. "No, I want you." She moved to hold onto him, so he couldn't let her go and that caused pain to shoot up her body.

"I'm here, honey. I'm right here, and Daddy will be here, "Jamie hugged her tight.

Eddie heard the crying and moved to the doorway, Jamie was holding Mary, but the look on his face said he didn't give in, not yet.

"I love you Mary," Jamie rocked her slowly and pecked the top of her head.

"Please don't go way again, Daddy," she begged. "Please please, I'll be so good. I won't yell at night, I promise."

Mary didn't understand, she was holding onto her Daddy, begging him and he didn't' hear. The crying got more and more intense and the begging even more desperate.

Jamie sighed kissing the top of her head and rocking her slowly. "Daddy loves you Mary I'll always be here."

Mary was quiet, thinking that Jamie had given in to her, so she got more upset when he laid her down. "Daddy will see you tomorrow Buttons"

"No Daddy, don't leave me like Joey left us. Please, Daddy, I love you."

Mary's little arms reaching out to him and the tears on her face broke his heart. He knew as angry as he was with Eddie, he could not spend another night out of this house.

"Daddy is staying right here I'm not going anywhere Mary. I love you so much," Jamie whispered hugging her.

Jamie's tears fell on Mary's hair. Eddie cried as she saw her baby girl being nestled in her Daddy's arms. She would have rushed her Daddy if she could have, but her little body wouldn't allow it yet.

Jamie held his girl tight, slowly rocking her until Mary finally fell asleep. Still, Jamie wouldn't put her down.

Eddie stepped into the room, "Jamie...I..."

Jamie shook his head at her, "I'm staying for Mary, but I'll sleep in a different room."

Eddie let it go, "Dinner's ready. I put a plate out for you if you want it. You should eat a bit at least. Mary can eat when she wakes up, before her bath."

Jamie reluctantly set Mary down tucking her in then kissed her head. "Love you buttons Daddy is here."

Jamie went to the kitchen and scooped Bella up in his arms and put her in the swing, before going to the bedroom to get his things ready to move.

"Where are you going?" Eddie asked softly. "Please don't leave, Jamie. You promised her. She won't understand…the girls won't understand."

"I'm not leaving,' Jamie replied. "I'm moving into Joey's room. I can't be near you right now, Eddie. Not like that."

Eddie breathed a sigh, a combination of relief and pain, he wasn't gone forever, just across the hall, and there she would still be able to reach through the wall he built. She knew she could with time.

"I'm glad you are," Eddie replied. "Staying for her. She's been through so much, she's suffering maybe more than all of us. She doesn't understand yet, what she's feeling. Her doctor mentioned the counseling again."

"If that will help her then we will. I'll do anything to help Mary," Jamie said kissing her head.

"There's a play therapy at the hospital, I was thinking of trying it," Eddie replied. "It's almost like she can't mourn because she doesn't understand."

"We can take her and try it, just let me know what days," Jamie agreed.

"I'll speak to her doctor tomorrow," Eddie replied.

Jamie nodded and sat down. "I was wrong to leave, I did more damage to her than the bullet wound did, but I'm concerned the tension between us will do that as well."

"Your right she feels it Jamie you can see she does," Eddie nodded.

She took a deep breath, "Perhaps I should leave instead. You comfort Mary so well, you are the one she looks to for that safety. I can move out with Bella and come here during the day to care for Mary..."

"No Eddie that isn't a good idea Mary needs you too. There are things you do so well with her that I don't."

"Like?" Eddie asked sitting down. "You are a good father, Jamie. She's your little girl...I'm making it hard on all of us. Maybe I need a break too, maybe...I..." The tears started to fall.

"Eddie don't cry you know about what Mary and Bella need better than me."

"I don't know anything anymore..." Eddie replied. "I can't believe what's happened to us, to this family. Our son is dead, I have made a grievous mistake...we are...we have lost each other. There's nothing left anymore Jamie. There's nothing left.

"There is a lot still left Eddie. What about the girls? We need to try and help each other grieve."

"Says the man who slept at his partner's house for almost a week," Eddie sighed. "I'll stay, Mary needs me...so I'll stay." Eddie got up and started to do the dishes as Jamie went to move the rest of his things.

She felt horrible inside, more alone than she had felt since Joey died. It had only been nine weeks, but it felt like an eternity since she last held her little baby boy in her arms. As she worked on the dishes, Eddie bit her lip as she felt the grief come up and choke her.

Jamie heard Eddie begin to sob. He wasn't sure if it was their loss or her indiscretion that was causing that. He figured it was a little bit of both, neither of them had been able to get past their son's loss yet, even if he tried to move on and get back in the scene with his brother and father, he wasn't past it either. Now, there was the added betrayal, not just by Eddie but by a man he thought of as a friend.

He wasn't to the point emotionally of realizing that Eddie likely felt the same betrayal as he did now when he went against her wishes and put their children in harm's way because of Danny.

He heard one of the lids to the pot fall on the floor, then Eddie cried out in pain.

Jamie hurried to see what had happened, this was one of the first meals Eddie cooked from scratch since Joey's death. He walked into the kitchen finding her sitting on the floor, Joey's little breakfast bowl in her hand. "It fell out…' she sobbed. "I was putting away the lid for the stew pot and it fell out…"

Jamie knelt down on the floor, "Give it to me. I'll put it with his other things until we decide what to keep and all. You don't have to make supper, we can order in again."

"No, it's time for me to start being your wife and Mary and Bella's mother again, and that's what a mother does," Eddie replied. "We'll fix this, we will fix it, and I know it."

Jamie just looked away, he didn't know if they would, he couldn't think past this moment. "If that's what you want to do," Jamie replied softly. "I'll just finish moving my things."

Dinner was a silent affair, they only engaged the children. They did bedtime together, giving both girls baths was a team effort as Mary had to keep her legs very straight and have them dried right away, Bella just liked to kick and splash. When the children were asleep, Jamie went to read in Joey's room and Eddie watched TV in the living room. They were not going to talk about this, it was pretty solid right now that things were not going to heal anytime soon.

Eddie fell asleep on the sofa, she couldn't go into the bedroom without Jamie being in bed beside her. The couch would do.


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

It was 3am when Eddie got up to the sound of Bella crying. She knew it was nearly time to eat but the cry sounded different. She got up quickly and ran into Jamie in the hallway. "She sounds funny," he replied as Eddie scooped the baby up. "She's got a fever. Get the thermometer, please."

Jamie grabbed the device and they took the baby's temperature. It was 101.2…She was drooling a bit and pulling at her ear. "Mommy's here," Eddie soothed. "Mommy's here." She moved the baby to her breast to let her suckle, hoping the sucking motion would help.

Jamie looked on at Eddie and the baby as she ate. He hated that either of his girls hurt and they all did, all three of them did. When Eddie was finished nursing, he picked the baby up and held her on his shoulder. She was still fussing, but stopped occasionally to look around the room from her Daddy's shoulder.

Jamie hadn't slept much last night, neither had Eddie, but she was the mother, she was used to lack of sleep, she thrived on that. "Let me take her, Jamie," Eddie offered. "I can rock her in the chair and she'll settle, you need to get some rest."

"I have her, I can't sleep anyway," Jamie replied. "I keep seeing you with that man in my mind's eye."

Eddie sighed, "You won't ever know how sorry I am, at least I hope you never know. This is the worst feeling aside from finding out my Joey was dead. It just happened, I felt sad and alone and it happened. It was wrong."

Jamie took a breath and shut his eyes, true to his words, he saw his Eddie rolling in bed with a man that was not him. If his wife needed that kind of comfort, he should be giving it, not Stephen the biker man. It did figure though, that was Eddie's choice in her early years. "I can handle her a little longer, you go back to bed."

Eddie hadn't been to bed, he knew that, but he wanted to get her to admit it. "I can't sleep either. I'll just go and check on Mary."

That was how it went the rest of the night, they both stayed up, each too stubborn to give in to the other or their body's need for sleep. Bella finally stopped fussing around dawn, Eddie laid her down after another feed, then curled up next to Mary for a few hours or rest.

Jamie went back to Joey's room, holding the boy's teddy bear. Both he and Eddie were trying to forget the pain in their hearts, but even more, that it was inflicted by someone they loved.

Mary always slept in after therapy and Bella was sleepy and didn't cry until nearly nine for some more food. While Eddie fed the still feverish baby, Jamie got Mary up.

He helped her into the wheelchair and to the kitchen for breakfast.

They made pancakes and sausage links for her, Eddie ate a little bit, still holding Bella in her arms. "What's wrong with Bella Mommy, she cried a lot."

"Bella doesn't feel good honey," Eddie told her cradling their baby

"She got a sore throat?" Mary asked. She and Joe had both been prone to tonsillitis.

"No honey she has a fever and is feeling pretty yucky," Eddie said

Mary reached out and patted Bella's head, "Ssh...You can sit with me and we'll read."

"That would be really nice Mary," Eddie smiled at her.

"After breakfast I'll help you do your exercises honey."

Mary made a face at that, turning to eat her breakfast, not answering.

They got into their routine, Jamie gave Bella a bath to help her feel better, Eddie did Mary's new stretch, and then the girl napped. While Jamie was rocking Bella, Eddie's phone that she left on the desk beeped. It said Steven: How are you doing?

Jamie frowned, a million things running through his mind, debating whether or not to answer it.

Finally, he picked the device up and tossed it at Eddie, "Here, it went off, it's your boyfriend!"

Eddie looked up at him shaking her head, "No, Jamie he isn't my boyfriend."

"Well you slept with him and he's texting you so... "Jamie sulked off to Joey's room. Eddie got up to follow him, "We have to talk about this, and you can't shut me out this way."

"I don't want to talk about it Eddie he's waiting for your answer," Jamie replied

"He's not getting an answer," Eddie began as the tears choked her throat. "I love you, this was all a terrible mistake. It was only once Jamie, it will never happen again with him or anyone else!"

Jamie sighed and looked away, "Do what you want Eddie, I don't care."

Eddie's eyes teared up, "Jamie talk to me don't brush this off I want us to work it out."

"I cannot talk to you now Eddie!" Jamie thundered. "I can't look at you! I see you with him...I can't!" His tone was so sharp it scared Bella, she started to cry again.

Jamie was still in a slow burn when he left that Tuesday morning. He barely spoke to Eddie about anything not even the girls. Eddie couldn't stand the tension between them, he wouldn't even listen to her.

She was concerned about group that night, Jamie had to work he wouldn't be there, but she had to go, she needed that support just to breathe. She would avoid Steven but she had to go for her own sanity. Eddie realized she needed to talk with someone so as the girls napped-she called her friend Hailey.

Hailey quickly agreed to come and have lunch with Eddie at the house and watch the girls for group. "Thanks Hailey I have to go and Jamie and I aren't speaking right now."

"Tell me from the beginning what happened, I thought that you were working things out after..."

"We were but things just crumbled," Eddie sighed explaining everything. "Jamie insisted on going to Danny's birthday and I asked him not to go because we had group and he has to work but he didn't come, he didn't listen." Eddie sighed. "That brought back a lot of my anger about the shooting. Jamie ignored me then and our son died."

"Wait Eddie slow down and go back. Did you talk to him about all this?"

"No, and that's not the only reason we have the problem," Eddie replied. "There is this other father at group, who lost a son in a similar way to me and... long story ...I cheated on Jamie. He keeps saying he is my boyfriend that he sees us together when he tries to sleep. It was wrong but it was once..."

"Yes, you did betray him," Hailey replied. 'But he betrayed you too, more than the once come to think of it. You've play second fiddle more than once in this marriage and that last time well, we all know what happened then."

I know Hailey but I love him. I know we are meant to be together. He is so angry at me right now," Eddie sighed.

Hailey covered Eddie's hand, "You two have been through so much. The loss of a child, I can't fathom how that hurts and you forgave him, Eddie. You forgave him for not listening to you, for being with his marked brother, and getting your son killed. You said yourself Danny drew the fire to the car and you still forgave Jamie, remind him of that."

"He won't listen. Anytime I try to talk to him he just freezes me out," Eddie said in frustration.

"Well, this group you are going to, the grief one, who leads it?" Hailey asked. "Reverend Thomas," Eddie replied. "He's a minister but he's also a grief counselor."

Maybe the Reverend can talk to Jamie then he'll have no choice but to listen," Hailey suggested.

"Maybe," Eddie replied and covered her face. "I can't lose him too Hailey, I need him. I need him so much."

"I know, try this it might work if not Reverend may know what to do."

"Thanks, Hailey," Eddie smiled. "Would you mind listening for the girls, I really need to sleep a little bit."

"Of course not, you need the sleep. Don't worry about a thing I have it taken care of."

"Thanks," Eddie replied and headed to her room. Her phone was on the night stand, Steven had text her again, "Are you coming tonight..." She blocked the number.

While she slept, Hailey checked in on the girls. Then she sat down keeping an ear out in case they woke so Eddie could sleep.

Bella did wake and fussed, so Hailey made her a bottle of breastmilk and sat with the little girl. Mary still required a lot of sleep to heal.

"There you go. It's okay I'm glad to see you and help Mommy out," Hailey smiled at Bella.

Bella kicked and cooed, she was a good and content baby most of the time. She didn't have a clue what marred her family, she didn't' remember her old brother, she didn't know a different life than this one.

Across town Jamie sat at work thinking over everything, phone in his hand.

How could she? How could he? They were friends or at least friendly, they shook hands, they had coffee and he...Jamie couldn't let it go, he just couldn't let it go.

Looking down at his phone Jamie thought about calling him for a man to man talk, he needed answers.

The more he thought about it, the more he needed to do this face to face...he was going to that meeting tonight...and he wasn't giving anyone any warnings!


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Eddie got to group early, leaving the girls with Hailey. She wanted to find Steven and tell him that he was not to contact her anymore, it was a mistake...she did not expect Jamie to come in while they were talking.

He paused looking between them, "oh sorry to interrupt your conversation."

"Jamie..."Steven moved closer to Jamie and extended his hand. That lit Jamie's fire and he exploded. "You have some nerve extending your hand to me. You slept with my wife! You and my wife..."

"Jamie wait let me explain, please let me explain," Eddie turned to him.

Jamie didn't hear her, he pulled back his fist and punched Steven square in the jaw. Stephen fell back against the wall, he couldn't recover before Jamie hit him again and then again. He was in a white hot rage, similar to when Eddie had been knocked down on the beat by a domestic abuser. He couldn't see anything but this man on his wife, 'You were our friend, you slept with my wife!" he shouted again.

"Jamie stop! Listen to me,' Eddie yelled louder hoping he'd hear this time.

The rest of the group was staying out of this, it was clearly very personal. Eddie pulled on Jamie's arm trying to stop him, "Jamie, please stop this! Please, what's done is done!"

Jamie stopped, stepping aside, now turning to Eddie, "You did this too, he was my friend."

"Jamie, let's go home and talk..." Jamie shook his head. "No, no, I can't go home tonight." Steven stood up and wiped the blood from his face. He was reaching for his pocket, "Oh great, he's going to call the cops,' Eddie was on the verge of tears. Steven shook his head, "No, no cops, no charges, I understand..."

Jamie shook his head, "I'm not going home tonight Eddie I can't."

The rest of the group watched as Steven stepped away, his eye was already turning black and blue and his lip swelling. "Where will you go Jamie?"

"I don't know yet but I need some time to think this through in my head," Jamie said.

Eddie was nearly in tears again as she watched Jamie's retreating back.

Eddie cried all night. She couldn't stop thinking of how enraged Jamie was beating on Steven. She felt terrible...terrible that deep down inside she was glad he was feeling something...anything. They would talk again, Jamie had promised Mary. He would never hurt their little girl, not ever.

The morning after that terrible fight, Eddie sat in the exam room at the obstetrician's office waiting for him to come in for her 12-week checkup. The nurse came out to get Eddie bringing her back to an empty room. "How are you doing Eddie?"

"Okay," she replied. "Bella is the best nurser I have had, she is so easy, and I was worried about the milk flow but that all seems okay."

The nurse smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. How is Mary and you and Jamie?"

"Mary has her good days and bad days," Eddie replied. "We all do. It's very hard."

"I can't imagine…We are all very sorry and if you need anything just ask."

Eddie waited for her doctor, when he came in she smiled. "How are you, Eddie?"

"I'm day by day doctor," Eddie admitted.

"Well, let's see how you are doing?" Eddie laid back and held still for the doctor to examine her. "Looking really good. Why don't you get dressed and come to my office, we can talk for a few minutes."

Eddie agreed and slipped into her clothing before stepping a few doors down to her doctor's office. "This is the time you usually want to discuss birth control." Eddie shook her head, "No need."

"No? Is everything okay Eddie you always mentioned you and Jamie."

"Jamie and I aren't intimate anymore," she confessed. "I made a mistake, a big mistake, and between that and losing our Joe..."

"Ah things are rough between you and Jamie. Have you talked to Jamie, seen a counselor?"

"He barely speaks to me," she sniffled. "We talked about moving right after Joey died, but not since."

"Have you seen a counselor? Sometimes therapy helps you break the wall down."

"No," Eddie replied. "No, he won't, and I can't...can't do much more..." She began to cry again. She was so depressed.

The doctor placed a hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry Eddie. I'm going to give you the name of a good counselor, please think about calling him. If there's anything else I can do please just ask."

She nodded, "Thanks, doctor...I..." She didn't finish her sentence before the smoke alarms started to wail.

Eddie ran with the rest of the patients and staff out of the office, bumping into people all over the place. It was panic with everyone trying to escape but she managed to get outside running into a crying mom.

"My baby!" She was crying. "Where is my little boy? He's only three. Where is he?" The day care was in the same building.

"Ma'am I'm a cop, talk to me, so I can help you. Your boy is in that building," Eddie pointed.

"He didn't come out," she sobbed. "His class got out but he isn't with them. My little Jaxson."

"Okay, stay here ma'am I'm going to get your boy out" Eddie turned heading back to the building.

She ran into resistance from FDNY and the officers on scene, but she was on a mission. Another little boy was not going to die, not today. Eddie waited for them to turn before slipping inside and heading upstairs

The day care was on the fourth floor. She covered her face and mouth as she went. The roar of the flames and the sprinkler made hearing impossible, but she yelled for the child anyway.

The small sobs led her closer. "Jaxson, it's the Police, you're okay, I'll help you."

Eddie coughed and heard the boy crying. He was hidden somewhere but she couldn't quite place it. "Jaxson I'm here to help, where are you?" Eddie called.

He didn't come out but she heard him cry for "Mommy" Eddie remembered her Joe doing that.

"I'm here to take you to Mommy." Eddie sighed rethinking her plan. Where would Joey hide if this was her boy crying for Mommy? What place would he identify with her? Then it clicked, the kitchen, the play kitchen!

Face covered she started to the play kitchen area peeking inside.

Hey Reagan," Charlie spoke up. "Huge fire on the east side, they have like five trucks."

"Wow any word on the cause or if there's any casualties?" Jamie looked up from his paperwork.

"No, not yet, but wow... it's all over the news"

Jamie put aside the papers and got up to watch too. "He recognized the office was the complex where Eddie had her doctor and immediately called her cell. The phone rang finally getting her voicemail to leave a message.

"Eddie, call me and let me know you left the doctor please. There a huge fire..."He sighed ending the call then turned back to watch the news again.

Eddie was gasping for air as every passage she tried was cut off by fire.

She held Jaxson tight looking back and forth for a way to get him out. "It's okay I have you."

She heard the firefighters coming and thrust the little boy at them, "Get him out...just get him out."

The firefighters rushed in towards her voice taking the boy. "Here take the oxygen."

"Tell my kids I love them..." Eddie gasped. "tell my...my Jamie I'm sorry...save the boy, I'll go to my own boy..."

Frank got the notification first that Eddie had been rushed to the ER. He called the 12th immediately, speaking to a very wet desk Sergeant.

"12th Precinct, Sergeant Mikes, how can I help you?"

"Sergeant, please get me Sergeant Reagan," Frank said. "Forthwith."

"Yes sir," Mikes set the call on hold personally searching for Jamie. "Your father is on the phone."

Jamie picked up, "Commissioner?"

"Jamie I received a phone call Eddie is being rushed to the hospital."

Jamie felt his knees go out. Things were so bad now between them. "Was she in the fire?"

"Yes son she has smoke inhalation and is being rushed to the hospital. I'm on my way there now."

Jamie was shell shocked. It was so hard to hear this.

"Jamie did you hear me? Can Charlie drive you?"

"Yes, yeah I'll be right there. Who has our girls?" Jamie asked. "I do," Frank replied.

"Okay thanks dad." Jamie put the phone down going to find Charlie.

"Hey, Jamie you look like crap, man. You okay?"

"No I have to go Eddie is in the hospital she was in the fire," Jamie said quickly

"Okay," Charlie replied. "Let's go, come with me and we'll go to her. Come on." Jamie followed him still dazed the entire ride to the hospital.

Frank was alone at the hospital, he didn't have the girls with him. "Dad did the doctor come out yet. How's Eddie? Where are the girls?"

"Baker has them," Frank replied knowing how sensitive they both were to anyone but him being with their girls.

Jamie let out a breath, "how's Eddie? Has the doctor come out?"

"Yes," Frank replied. "He needed my permission to sedate her she uh...has some flash burns on her arms and her face, and muscle spasms in her chest from the smoke. The pain..."

Jamie's breath turned sharp, "I want to see her dad I have to see Eddie."

"Come on," Frank said taking his arm. "They just put her in a room. She looks so fragile."

Jamie sighed walking with him to the room. "Oh Eddie," Jamie whispered seeing her. Jamie sat in the chair beside her bed and took her hand. "I'm here, can you hear me?" Jamie stroked her hair. "Why didn't you get out? What were you doing?"

Eddie had her eyes closed she didn't respond an oxygen mask over her face. The door slowly opened and the young mother that Eddie helped stepped into the room, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to intrude. Are you her husband?"

"Yes, can I help you?" Jamie stood up staying by Eddie's side.

"I'm Laura Logan," she replied. "My little son Jaxson was too scared to go with his class during the fire and your wife ran back in to save him. He's doing well, and can go home tomorrow. I wanted to see if she was all right."

"Oh I'm glad your boy is okay. Eddie has some burns and smoke inhalation."

"Jax told me you have a little boy too," Laura replied. "He's very lucky to have such a brave mother." Jamie felt like he was going to be sick. "Our son...passed two months ago."

"I'm sorry it must be incredibly hard," Laura said. "I just came by to see how Eddie was feeling."

"I'll let her know you were asking about her," Jamie replied. "Thank you." He turned back to Eddie, "That had to be so hard honey...to go in and rescue that little guy. I know where your heart was, with our Joey."


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

The fireman that saved Jaxson and Eddie was also waiting outside the room to see how she was doing. Jaxson had been in a vacuum, he didn't inhale anywhere near the amount of smoke Eddie did, even being so much smaller. Still, he'd seen people with worse injuries, much worse, that walked away. It was her words to him as she lost consciousness that got to him and bothered him so much.

"Excuse me, I hope it's a good time," he spoke softly. "I'm Ben, I was on the fire crew, and I wanted to see how she was doing?"

"Oh, she's okay, she's going to be all right. I can't thank you enough," Jamie replied and extended his hand, not taking his eyes off of Eddie.

"Can we have a word? Eddie said something to me before she lost consciousness and…well we all know about your son and we're so very sorry," he said. "You should know what she said to me."

Jamie nodded, "Yes, I just can't leave her though. If she wakes up at all, she'll be disoriented, she doesn't wake up well from medication."

Ben nodded, "Your wife is a hero, no question. She wanted us to make sure we saved that boy, if there was a choice, she wanted to be sure we chose to save the boy and for a Mom that's normal. She wanted to let you know that she loved your children and that she was sorry. She was totally at peace with going to be with your boy and you being here for your other children. I've seen a lot on this job and her depression and sadness spoke volumes...I thought you should know."

Jamie sighed, "I knew she was hurting but I didn't know it went that far, I should have, before all of this I would have…thank you so much for telling me this. Thank you for saving her life, and mine."

Ben nodded, "All in day's work…"

Ben left the couple alone, Charlie watched from the corner as Jamie began to talk things out with his wife.

Jamie laid is head close to Eddie and held her hand to his cheek, "I know you can hear me. I know on some level you can hear me."

A machine beeped in response Eddie remaining perfectly still, eyes closed.

"I don't know how we got here, I really don't," Jamie replied. "We have always been able to get through things together, as a team."

He sighed sitting back down in a chair by her bed watching Eddie quietly for a minute.

Charlie watched his partner from his space in the corner, he could see the conflict on his face. This situation was bad, it was very bad.

Jamie fell into a quiet reflection watching, worried as Eddie lay still this was not like her

"I know I shut you out," he began. "I know I started to go out for beers and playing games instead of being home with you and the girls. I was hiding, I was mourning too, but I didn't do it with you, and I should have. We should have done that part as partners but we didn't and my leaving you alone so much hurt you to the point you had to go find someone else to absorb that pain..." Jamie was close to tears.

"I just need you to know that you have to be okay Eddie you just have to be."

"I need you, the girls need you, and Joey, he's all around us, honey. He's all around us and we love you so much..." Jamie sighed. "I don't know what the future holds for our marriage, Eddie, I really do feel so betrayed by what happened, but I know I can't lose my best friend, and I need you to come out of this, come through this. We can't see if there is any glimmer of light left, we can't try to pick up and move on if you don't. I know you feel so alone, and I'm going to think really hard about making things better, and finding a way to go on."

The machine beeped but Eddie remained as she was, perfectly still, eyes closed

Jamie kissed her gently on the lips, he knew they had a lot of work, he had to let go of his anger, Eddie had to let go of hers, but they were surrounded by bad memories here.

"Hey, how long have you been here?" Jamie asked wiping his eyes.

"Long enough. Look Jamie, I heard what you said. You and Eddie have something special, you've both been through a lot of pain."

"Yes we have," Jamie replied. "So much of that was on me, I should have listened to her and then I chose to spend time with you and hide from my own pain..." Charlie put his hand on Jamie's shoulder.

"It isn't too late for you two Jamie. You have too many bad memories here. Once Eddie is better take her and the girls and start over somewhere else."

"Our family is here," Jamie replied. "The girls are so close to my father and Mary's friends are here. We have talked about it, moving away but..."

Charlie sighed, it was time to level with his friend, "You know Jamie truth be told I love my life but your life…that's love I'll never know, try and salvage this. I know you're hurt but so is she... she's in a very dark place you need to get her the hell out of here"

Jamie sighed turning back to Eddie deep in thought. Was that the key to saving everything?

"She was a hero today," Charlie continued. "it's time for you to be her hero, if you two try and fail then that's your destiny, but you have to try this away from your family, away from the memories, stop thinking and do it, just do it!"

"Thanks Charlie," Jamie nodded watching Eddie quietly. He had a lot to think about.

The medication wore off around midnight. Eddie started to stir, "Joe...Mommy's here coming Joe."

Jamie stirred from a light sleep sitting up. "Eddie? Eddie open your eyes."

She moaned, her throat hurt, her lungs burned.

"Eddie, I know it hurts try and open those eyes for me," Jamie encouraged

She opened her eyes, they hurt and stung. She looked around, this wasn't Heaven.

"Eddie thank God. I was so worried, how are you feeling?"

"Jamie?" As he predicted she was confused.

"Yeah I came soon as dad told me, you scared me Eddie."

"Dad?" she had no idea where she was or what was going on around her. "What happened? Where are the kids?"

"It's ok Eddie the kids are safe, Baker and Dad have them. You were taken to the hospital after running into the fire."

Fire...slowly it began to come back. She had run out then saw that mother crying for her baby like she did on nearly a daily basis. "Oh, Jax...Jaxson, did he...tell me the truth Jamie, did he get out is he okay?"

"He's fine his mom came in earlier to see you she's so thankful," Jamie said.

Eddie breathed a sigh of relief, then, "What are you doing here? Why aren't you out with Charlie or something?"

"Because you're in the hospital Eddie of course I'm going to be here."

She sighed, "I see..." Maybe she should have done something drastic before. Instead she pushed herself up, "When can I go home? We need to go back to the girls.'

"The doctor wants to keep you to monitor your breathing. I can ask my dad to bring the girls later."

Eddie nodded slowly, "Mary...is she okay? She is scared without us. Jamie..."

Jamie sat on the bed taking her hand, "Mary is fine for now honey my Dad is taking good care of her."

"Honey..." Eddie sighed. "Been a long time..." she took a long slow breath, then fell asleep.

Eddie recovered well, Mary struggled with being apart from her mother. She struggled with separation before but now it was ten times worse. This was something Jamie hoped to heal with the move as well. Perhaps moving was the only way to save what was left of his family. Jamie brought the girls often to see her putting them down for naps in the big bed.

Jamie sat down on the side of their bed. They sat and looked at each other for a long time the nerves reminiscent of their first date, only with fear and trepidation instead of joy and anticipate. Jamie forced a smile letting her know he was nervous too putting his hands on the table, black and blue -and swollen. She had been too out of it in the hospital to react to the bruising, but now…

"Oh Jamie," she gently touched his hands. "Oh my, does it hurt?" Jamie sucked in a breath, "Only every minute of everyday day since it happened. I can't ice my heart as much as I'd like to," Jamie replied. "I am not sorry for this Eddie, I'm not sorry that I beat on him. He took advantage"

Eddie sighed, "Jamie it wasn't just him in this. I'm sorry for what happened."

"I know you are sorry, we are all sorry, but that doesn't change things at least for me. We can't go on like we are here." Eddie nodded pulling her hands back looking up at him. The only reason he didn't say it before is because of her being in the hospital. He still wanted a divorce.

"Things need to change in order for us to heal, Eddie" Jamie said softly. "We aren't going to heal here in New York, everywhere we go there are memories. Eddie's eyes teared lightly, heart thumping hard as she braced for him to say it. All they had been through was about to come crashing down.

"I have been thinking a lot about this and I have to say I think that moving will be the right thing for me and the girls.

Tears began to fall from her eyes, "Jamie don't take my girls away from me I need them and they need me."

"I do want to take my girls," Jamie replied, "All of my girls." His eyes sparkled.

Eddie looked up meeting his eyes her own watery still sniffling. "All of your girls?"

"Yes," he replied then his tone changed to that cool business tone he was famous for. "It is this or we have to separate. I can't close my eyes and not see you with him. I don't even know if I can be with you like a husband anymore."

"Jamie, take us where," Eddie asked in between sniffles unsure of where his head was.

"There is a job, Lancaster County needs a Sheriff and Danny has some friends that can get me in that spot," he replied. "We can try for a while, say six months?"

Eddie raised an eyebrow at him, "Danny does? Jamie what about Mary and everything we built here?"

"I think this is best for Mary too, a change..." He replied. "We can get her doctors in Pennsylvania, it's a slower calmer life. You always said home was where I was...for you and the girls."

"Yeah I did, are you really serious about moving?" Eddie asked.

"Yes," he replied. "I think it's our only chance at saving this."

"You don't have to answer right now Eddie take a few days to think it over," Jamie said.

Eddie sighed, "I don't need a few days, and my home is where you are. We both need to forgive each other and we both need to forgive ourselves for two very horrific things that happened, one made the other so much worse," Eddie apologized. "Believe me or not it will never happen again, you and our children are my life."

Jamie smiled softly and nodded. They talked a few more minutes, then Jamie had to go off to work and Eddie had to get Mary ready for her therapy. He didn't say for sure if he'd be home that night, but Eddie hoped.


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Eddie fell asleep feeling so much more relieved that they had at least a chance. Jamie had to go to work later and he wasn't in the place yet of being with Eddie for long periods of time. Hailey was going to come over and help with the girls. When they were content and cared for she sat down by Eddie for an update. "Hey everything good?"

"Jamie wants to move to Pennsylvania and try to work things out, six months trial" Eddie told her friend. She sat down, and was visibly shaking. "He can't let things go yet. He beat him Hailey. He beat him so hard that Jamie's hands were banged up and swollen."

"Oh wow, but at least you may be able to work things out," Hailey said. She hated to see her friend like this, she hadn't been the same since she lost her little boy. "What did you tell him?"

"Yes" Eddie replied. "Yes I know, I told him absolutely yes. This is the last chance I have to fix this, he said it's this or separation, and I cannot take that. I need him in my life."

Hailey nodded smiling, "I'm glad you guys are at least trying to work it out. I'll miss you, but this is for the best."

"You can come visit me anytime you want..." Eddie smiled. "We will be only a half hour or so from Hershey"

"Yeah, I'll definitely come visit," Hailey smiled. "I can stick around if you want to nap, I know you had a hard time the last few days. Anything I can do, I'm here."

"No, that's okay," Eddie replied. "Mary has therapy and I have to find her a doctor there as soon as possible." Hailey nodded saying bye before taking her leave.

Eddie worked the phone all day until she found a doctor and therapist at Hershey hospital for Mary. She got on the MLS and started to look at houses, determined to make it work.

"Mommy," Mary called from her room as Eddie finished. Eddie put a big smile on her face and went to her daughter. Mary was sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes, still sleepy.

"Hey Monkey," Eddie smiled. "How you doing sweetie?"

"Sleepy," Mary curled into Eddie's arms closing her eyes.

"You feeling okay?" Eddie asked. "You still sleepy from therapy? Do you need the bathroom?"

"No bathroom Mommy, just tired, please stay with me."

Eddie held Mary tight "Okay, you snuggle back down with Mommy. Oh, I love you so much."

"Love you Mommy," Mary whispered already on her way back to sleep. Eddie rocked her until she fell asleep.

It was late when Jamie came in Eddie and the girls long asleep not expecting him home

Mary had an incredibly rough day and Eddie laid with her and Bella in Mary's room to keep her company.

Quietly taking off his jacket to hang, Jamie wanted to check in on Mary before going to his room.

There he found Eddie, Mary, and Bella all curled up in the bed, sound asleep.

Jamie smiled at the picture all three of his girls together, longing for Joe to be a part of this too.

He was missing from this picture and it hurt. He couldn't take another loss, this had to work. This family was important to him, he loved Eddie so, and that's why her infidelity hurt so much. He wanted this to work, he needed this move to fix things as much as she did, if not more.

Slowly Jamie moved closer standing to watch them sleep…his family.

Bella looked so innocent, her tiny mouth suckling the air, one little hand out of her blanket. Jamie leaned over and kissed her head, then moved on to kiss Mary's. He had to debate kissing Eddie for only a second...he laid a gentle kiss on her forehead and moved to cover them all when Eddie opened her eyes and smiled up at him.

"Jamie, you came home," she said voice ridden with sleep still.

"Of course, I did," he replied turning his head to the side to hide the tears shining there.

"There's room for you here to lay down with us," Eddie offered hopefully.

He shook his head, "No, that's okay, Mary needs leg room. I'll see you in the morning."

Eddie carefully pushed the blanket back to stand, "Wait Jamie please I want us to be together."

He kept walking to Joe's room. Eddie took Bella and laid her down in her crib. She put the nightlight on and went to speak to Jamie, she knocked on the door and waited.

"Come in." Jamie's voice sounded small and far off. Eddie pushed the door open armed with the beginning of her research. She wanted to prove to him she was all in on this idea.

"Hey, I just wanted to update you," Eddie said sitting on the floor. "I found a couple of doctors for Mary and they do children's therapy at Hershey hospital. I'm going to see her doctors tomorrow about which course of action they might recommend and go from there, we need her to have the best and both of these doctors have great reputations."

Jamie nodded, "That was my biggest concern about this. That Mary would suffer physically, but I'm worried that emotionally she will suffer if this marriage doesn't make it. She will make it her fault. You know she'll make it her fault."

Eddie nodded, "I know. I know that and she is so innocent here, she is so innocent in all of this, her and Bella and we have to try for this, we have to try."

Eddie held up a couple of photographs, "I found these three houses in Lancaster, all on the backroads, and reasonable rents. They are rentals with an option to buy so we can take them for the six months and see where you feel you are then. If you want to continue or…" Eddie was trying not to cry.

"No," Jamie shook his head. "I want to give my family a stable home so they can feel safe and find some peace. Even Bella has been affected by this, we all need to find a new sense of peace. I don't' want to bounce the girls around more than we have to."

Eddie inhaled, "So if you decide at the end of six months…" She was scared. She was terrified he was going to take her girls away.

"If we decide that things aren't working at the end of the six months, then I will find another place to go, and you keep the house with the girls. I'll be very close by."

Eddie smiled again, his words gave her hope, the tears shined in her eyes as she looked at him. Jamie took the papers and met her eyes with a gentle smile. "Let's talk about this tomorrow and make a couple of calls about these houses. I'll have Danny get in touch with his friend to grease the wheels. I want to get out of here as fast as we possibly can. It's the only way we can heal, Eddie and in spite of all we've been through, I want to heal."

Eddie reached out and touched his face, he didn't' recoil, she took that as a good sign. "I want to heal too. We need to find forgiveness for each other and for ourselves."

Jamie nodded, "Get some sleep. I'll get Bella if she cries."

Eddie nodded and headed back to her room. She wanted to ask Jamie to come in with her, to lie with her, she wanted to beg him to do that, but she knew him well enough to know he needed a lot of time, just like she did. She hadn't completely forgiven him for Joey, not yet, and she would never forgive Danny. Perhaps Jamie was right, perhaps this change would be the best for everyone.

They would have to break the news to Mary, that she would have to leave her home, the Hershey angle would help there, she hoped.

Eddie laid down and pulled the covers around her, shutting her eyes trying so hard to fall asleep. She must have dozed because she slept through the night in a dreamless state.

Bella slept until almost four. Jamie got up and gave her a bottle and sat with her on the couch. "We're going to move, Bella girl," he smiled. "And we are going to make things good again. They'll never be perfect, your brother is gone and we miss him so much…you're so lucky that you don't hurt like that."

Bella let out a belly laugh and kicked her legs. "Yeah, you're a happy girl. I wish we could all be happy like this. Mommy made a huge mistake, but so did Daddy. I don't think I'd mind as much if I didn't feel like she did this because she still hates me for what I did to your brother, I hate myself, why shouldn't she."

Bella laughed again and exercised her little voice, "What's that? You don't hate Daddy…I love you so much Bella girl…I love all my girls so very much."


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

The preparations for the move began in earnest. Frank took care of Mary for the day so Jamie and Eddie could go see two of the houses in person. One was similar to the families Bay Ridge home and the other a more rustic ranch style home with a wraparound porch. Eddie was attracted to that house because it was all on the one floor like their apartment, it would give Mary the freedom to move around and when Bella started to walk it would give them an easier time watching her.

"If this is the house you like," Jamie replied. "It's in our price range, it's off the road, and you are right it will be good for Mary. Let's make a bid and get this going. The sooner we are out of New York the better."

They spoke to the realtor then headed back to New York. The closer they got, the more Jamie changed. Eddie watched it. While they were looking at the house, he talked about their family in the future tense, things they could do with their girls at the house, but now he was getting quiet and withdrawn, as if a place he lived all his life was toxic now.

Frank was holding Mary on his lap when the let themselves into the apartment. Eddie looked at him with concern, "She wanted to wait for you to tuck her in and she didn't quite make it," replied the doting Grandpa. "How did it go?"

"We put in a bid," Jamie replied. "A one story ranch house, lots of property, a big porch, very quiet neighborhood so that will be good for the girls going forward that's for sure."

"Anything you need to get this going and to make sure it's a smooth change for the girls, let me know. This is the only home they've ever known," Frank sighed handing Mary to her mother.

"It's the only home I've ever known too," Jamie sighed. "But, it's not my home now, not anymore. It's…so cold here, so many bad memories…I can't look around and not see Joey, and Eddie has the same issue. Even Mary had a hard time going to places we went to as a family. We have to do this Dad. We really do."

Frank was glad he could support his son in this, it hurt that he was going to leave, but he had his own family, he had to do what was right for them.

Jamie insisted on staying in Joey's room as they prepared to move. Mary had a lot of questions about that, she was used to seeing her parents being very affectionate with each other, hugs and kisses, but now this was something new and a little scary. So when they told her that they needed to talk to her, she began to cry.

"Mary," Jamie was astonished at her reaction. "No, please don't do it. I'll be good, I promise. I'll do all my therapy and I won't even cry I promise!"

Jamie took his girl into his arms, "Mary, honey, you didn't do anything wrong. I promise you…" He began to rock her as Eddie's eye filled with tears. She sat on the couch and held Mary's hands. "Baby, tell Mommy what you think is going on here?"

Marry sniffled and mumbled into Jamie's chest. "You're getting divorce."

Their eyes met over Mary's head, they had been right, she would find a way to blame herself. "Oh, Mary, no honey. No…" Eddie kissed her hand while Jamie rocked. "No, Mommy and Daddy have just been very busy lately, because we are going to be moving!"

Mary picked her head up, "Moving? Where we gonna go? To Grandpa's house?"

"No," Jamie replied. "No. Do you remember when we all went to the chocolate land with the Hershey kiss street lights? We are going to move there and live near a farm. Daddy got a new job, that's all."

Mary sniffled then smiled, "We are going to live by all the chocolate? Can we eat some?"

Eddie's face lit up, that was their little girl's sense of humor, and they hadn't seen that in a while. Perhaps this move would have a stronger healing affect than they realized.

Jamie and Eddie were both very proud of Mary. She took the idea of moving like a trooper, she was the strongest of them, just like her namesake. That night, when Eddie had put the girls to sleep, she found Jamie. "Thank you," she said softly. "Thank you for not telling your father what I did. I'm ashamed of it and I just…thank you."

"There's no reason to air our own private laundry in public, Eddie," Jamie replied. "I love you, you know I love you, I just can't live with what you did right now. I can't."

He got up to go back to Joe's room. "Can we have a glass of wine or a beer and just talk a bit like we used to? We need to make Mary feel more secure, she got that divorce idea in her little head for a reason, we have to make more of an effort to relate to each other at least as people."

Jamie agreed that his wall had hurt their little girl and he didn't want to do that. "Sure, I'll get it." Eddie sat on the couch and tucked her legs under her. Jamie got them each beers and sat with one cushion between them. "Did you hear back yet about Mary's protocol for her therapy at Hershey? We can't afford for that to stall."

"No, and it won't," Eddie replied. "I checked into a few support groups too, I know that's a rough spot for you right now, but I need to keep going. Like I've said, there is a lot of forgiveness that needs to happen and I need help doing my part of that. There's one not far from the house and half way to the Sheriff's Depot."

Jamie nodded, "I'll try another group, perhaps there won't be men preying on grieving mothers…" In that comment he revealed where he left most of the blame, with Steven. There was hope here, Eddie knew it.

The beer talks continued over the next several days, effectively breaking the ice and making the pair friendlier if not more intimate. They made a real effort to be engaged with Mary, to sit on the couch with her, to watch TV as a family, to play with her and with Bella.

Mary and Bella had their own little games they liked to play, but they rarely played them in front of their parents. One night, while the TV was set to Alvin and the Chipmunks, Mary saw her little sister looking around the room from her baby chair. Mary leaned over from Jamie's lap and blew a puff of air on Bella's face.

The baby let out her belly laugh that made everyone in the room smile anytime they heard it. When Bella stopped laughing, Mary blew again, and again Bella laughed. Jamie and Eddie both smiled, "She likes that."

"Yes," Mary replied. "We did it all the time before but she was too little to laugh. I played this with Joey and now I play it with Bella because he's not here, but I think he is still laughing when he watches us."

Her innocence warmed their hearts, it was just that kind of thing that they needed to pull them through. While their two girls played, Mary alternating between blowing on Bella's face and tickling the one foot she kicked the sock off of, Jamie and Eddie couldn't stop watching the other one smile and laugh. They hadn't done that for a long time, here and there one of the girls would do something to provoke some joy, but nothing as profound as this.

Eddie dropped her head back when Bella's tiny foot came out and kicked Mary in the cheek. Mary laughed at her, "No, no, I'm gonna get your footie…"

Jamie watched his wife, the way her delicate throat exposed itself, the way her golden hair fell back. Eddie felt his eyes on her and turned to meet his gaze. The magnetism that had always drawn them to one another ignited in that moment and they felt themselves giving in and leaning in. Their lips touched over Mary and Bella's heads, the kiss deep and soulful connecting them again on that deeper level that Jamie hadn't been allowing himself to go.

Eddie's heart sang with joy, if he could kiss her like that there was hope, she just had to find a way to lead him out of his self-imposed celibacy and reconnect again, if they could do that, they could start to heal even if they were still in the New York state of mind.

Bella tired of their game soon and started to cry, "She's done," Mary laughed. "She is still too little to play a long time."

Jamie laughed too picking Bella up, "I think your right honey."

Then they smelled it, "eewee, she did a poo!" Mary made a funny face.

"She sure did okay Bella let's get you changed," Jamie soothed.

"I can change her," Eddie offered. "You can sit and read a story with Mary, you don't get a chance to do that very often."

Nodding Jamie handed the baby over eager to spend some time with Mary.

"You want to play a game when Mommy comes back?"

"Yeah sure honey what game would you like to play," Jamie smiled.

"The colored card game..." She replied. "I'll good at that game."

Jamie laughed, "Sure, you want to get the game and set it up while changed Bella?"

Mary nodded, and Jamie got the Uno cards out to play. Eddie came back with Bella. "Oh cards, deal me in."

"We waited for you to start Mommy," Mary said counting as she took a card from the deck.

Eddie put Bella in her swing then sat down with Mary and Jamie, "Only a few rounds, okay, it's getting late "Mary nodded putting the deck down and checking her cards smiling.

They played three rounds Mary winning two out of three of them. "Okay it's bedtime," Eddie replied.

"One more game, Mommy, please," Mary begged.

Jamie sighed, "Okay that is all, and then you need to go to bed right away." Mary dealt the cards starting their last round. She was ready to doze off by the time Eddie declared Uno. Jamie put a card down glancing at Mary with a smile seeing how tired she was

He peaked at Eddie's cards to make sure she was able to go out and end the game. "Okay, monkey..." Jamie smiled. "Time for sleep."

Mary put her cards down pouting and rubbed her eyes. She reached up laying her head on Jamie's shoulder when he picked her up

Jamie tucked her in and kissed her head. She was asleep before her head hit the pillow. "Love you Mary," he whispered smiling at his sleeping daughter

Jamie came out of the bedroom and found Eddie sitting on the couch with her feet up. Her legs were bare and her hair down. She looked so beautiful.

"She was asleep before I even put her down," Jamie said sitting next to Eddie.

"She really wanted to play and spend time with us," Eddie smiled. "This rift between us really shook her up."

"A lot is changing for her, the sooner we can mend things the better," Jamie said.

"Do you mean that?" she asked. "Maybe we can talk and try to..." Eddie saw the wall drop.

"And try to," Jamie couldn't help but smile at her attempt.

Eddie sat down, "Try to find some more common ground to connect on. Mary is craving that from us."

"Yeah, I really mean that Eddie I want to work things out," Jamie said.

He turned and looked at Eddie, "I just don't know how to fix it, and I can't shake that image when I look at you and until I can."

"Let's try and work on that first," Eddie turned and leaned up placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

Jamie accepted the chaste kiss then pulled back, "I have the early shift."

Eddie sighed pulling back, "okay you should get some sleep then."

He cupped her cheek and gave it a kiss before turning to go bed.


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

Eddie decided she wanted to try to bring Jamie out of his shell. She knew the way in, it had worked before.

When he arrived home from work Eddie was on the couch wearing one of Jamie's favorite outfits

It was a pair of flair cut black jeans, a sweetheart neck red blouse and her hair up. The house smelled of beef stew and onion rolls. She had done her make up, it was enticing for him, but subtle, very subtle.

Jamie came home and hung his jacket up going into the living room. He was ready to greet Eddie when his eyes fell on her…all he could think was, wow!

She was beautiful and smiling, just like when they first got married. Those days were still fresh in his memory.

He smiled going to the couch and sat beside her. "Hey Eddie, how do you feel?"

"A little tired," Eddie replied. "I'll have supper ready for you in a few minutes."

"Don't worry about that Eddie," Jamie assured.

"Oh no, it's cooking. You had a long day. Did you hear back from the realtor?"

"Yeah actually, he said its looking really good so hopefully we will have an answer in a few days maybe a week."

"Good," Eddie smiled. "I'm glad we are getting a home there. What about the job? You mentioned needing to go to Lancaster at some point soon for that."

"Yeah maybe over the weekend so I have time to talk with them," Jamie nodded.

Eddie smiled at him, "It'll feel better when things are settled." Eddie stood up and walked past Jamie very close

Jamie breathed in watching her go into the kitchen. He sighed following, "need some help?"

She carefully bent down and let him catch a glimpse of her backside.

Jamie shook his head and smiled at the view.

Eddie kept that up for days. Special outfits, big dinners, and things she did when they were dating to try to get Jamie to relax, but as it turned out, the thing that got his attention was entirely accidental.

Eddie had a slight headache, so she decided to take a quick, hot shower while the girls napped. Jamie came home unexpectedly early and caught her stepping out.

She had her hair down and still dripping some water down her back and chest, little rivulets running into the towel. "Oh, you're early."

"Um yeah I wanted to come home and spend some time," Jamie barely got that out.

"Oh, well, Mary and Bella are both asleep and I had a bit of a headache so..." Eddie shrugged and sat down on the vanity seat.

"Yeah are you feeling okay?" Jamie continued watching her walking over

He wanted to go and hold her, touch her. She had been wearing down his resolve over the last few days. He loved her, as hurt as he was, as angry as he was, as distant as they both were, they loved each other. He wanted to touch her so much, a little touch would be okay, wouldn't it?

"Just your head hurts," Jamie asked slipping an arm around her

She nodded, "There's been no shortage of stress lately. I thought I could get a little rest and shower the tension out. I thought we'd order a pizza and give Mary a treat.

"Yeah that sounds good," Jamie whispered beginning to rub her shoulders

Eddie melted back into his touch. She missed him so much and needed him so much. "That feels nice, I miss your touch Jamie. I really do, I miss us."

Jamie didn't answer, only leaned in to kiss her neck.

Eddie turned in his arms, and met his lips, their tongues instantly touching. They inhaled each other's scent, felt each other's touch, drinking it in like two people thirsty and abandoned in the desert.

Jamie moved his arms around her wanting this for things to be like they were, but he closed his eyes

At first, he was able to focus on the feel of her back, the scent of her breath, the tickle of her hair across his cheek, but then he saw it...his Eddie in Steven's arms, his Eddie beneath Steven being ignited to passion...his Eddie being touched by another man...and he couldn't

Jamie pulled away with tears running down his cheeks, "I can't, I'm sorry, I just can't..."

Eddie almost fell forward at the force of the loss. "Jamie…" She had felt, for a few seconds at least, that things were starting to come back to normal. Jamie was holding her, kissing her and now he pulled himself away and was nearly running from her.

"I am sorry, Eddie," Jamie nearly sobbed. "But I can't be with you. I just can't."

Jamie left her then, standing in their room, in her towel, still reaching out for his arms, in shock as to how quickly this happened.

Eddie watched him go sadly, sighing. She took a deep breath then turned around to get to dressed and put dinner on the table for her family.

He stayed in the bedroom until he heard the doorbell. He couldn't stay in there all night, as much as he'd like to. Mary was still vulnerable, he couldn't forget his little girl crying and promising to be good if they didn't get a divorce. He remembered the talk with Eddie just after…

"Jamie," Eddie said tentatively. "She's just too young to understand all of this, but we just lied to her. We lied to Mary, you aren't sure if this marriage is going to last, you said so yourself."

Jamie took a breath, but Eddie continued, "This is my fault, I got us in this situation, so if after the move and the six months goes by and we decide to end the marriage, I'll be the one to tell her. It's my responsibility."

Jamie shook his head, "Let's worry about that when and IF the time comes," he replied. "I'm willing to give this a go, I need to see it work just as much as you do, so let's not rush ourselves or our kids into anything."

Eddie was relieved to hear that.

"Hey, look at that, we have pizza pie!" Jamie found his enthusiasm for his little daughters.

"Yes, Mommy got us a cheesy one…it's all kinds!" Mary was so easy to please. "Daddy, when we move by the chocolate place, can we go on the special ride?"

Mary was referring to the Chocolate World ride that they had gone on during a family trip to Hershey Park when Joey turned two. She had enjoyed it and had gone on several times.

"You bet we can," Jamie replied. "That can be your new reward for being good in therapy and working really hard. How did you do today?"

Mary looked down, "Didn't do good today. My leg just didn't' want to do what I told it and I fell down, then I cried. I'm trying really hard not to cry Daddy."

Both parents sucked in their breath. Eddie move over to hold onto Mary's hands, "Mary, look at Mommy's face. You can cry, you can fall, you can be scared, you can have any feeling that you need to have and it's okay with us. We love you very much, honey, it is okay to cry and feel angry or sad. Mommy and Daddy feel that way too. It hurts Mommy and Daddy to see that you have to work so hard, but we are so proud that even when you fall down and cry, you get back up and keep trying."

Eddie had to stop, she couldn't keep the tears from running out of her eyes. It wasn't just her maternal emotion she was feeling, and Jamie knew that. It was the pain of his rejection as well.

He continued to talk to Mary, "Mommy's right. We want you to talk to us, to tell us how you feel. Don't ever try not to do that, okay? We need to know because we love you so very much."

It was as if Jamie's words burst the dam. Mary cried and cried. She cried for her little brother, she still didn't quite grasp the concept of his violent death. She cried for herself, the pain in her leg and she cried for her Mommy and Daddy, sobbing that she wanted them to be happy like it was.

The pizza got cold, Bella even stayed quiet as both parents held and rocked a child that had gone through far more than anyone her age should ever go through.

They tucked Mary into bed together, she was clingy and wanted both her parents to hold her. Eddie sang to her while Jamie rocked their daughter until she fell asleep.

"Hurts Daddy," she whimpered as he held her close. "Leg hurts."

"Let Daddy see so I can make it better," Jamie said softly holding her while rolling up her pant leg

She had a big cramp in the calf muscle and she cried out..."Owie, Daddy!"

"I'm sorry honey, Daddy is going to make it better," Jamie promised, trying to loosen the muscle

Eddie held Mary tight while Jamie rubbed. This was on him too; his daughter's physical and mental pain was on him as well as his son's death. Eddie sang Mary's favorite song to distract her while Jamie worked.


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

When Mary finally fell asleep, Jamie looked at Eddie just for a second, then headed to his room.

Eddie made sure Mary was tucked in before getting up to follow him.

She wanted to talk to him about what happened, about him not being able to love her like a husband...she greeted by a closed door. It was locked! Eddie's heart sank hurt that he locked the door, so she wouldn't go inside.

She felt her heart and her emotions shut down. She had made a mistake, but this was taking it to a new level. Head lowered, Eddie started back to her room, sinking into a deep sadness.

Eddie pulled back from Jamie over the next few days. She communicated with him about Mary and practical things but that was all. Eddie made the girls breakfast calling Frank, "I need to go out for a bit and Jamie has to work," Eddie told her father in law. "Can you keep the girls here?"

"Of course I will, I'll be over soon," Frank agreed eager to spend time with his grandkids. Eddie smiled she had a lot to do for the move and she missed her boy, she needed that time.

The girls ate breakfast quietly, Mary waiting until Eddie returned. "Mommy, can we play Uno later?"

"Of course we can, honey," Eddie replied. "We can play after Mommy comes home okay?"

Mary turned back, "You're leaving? Aren't we going with you? "

"Not this time, honey," Eddie replied. "Mommy has to go to the box store and other boring places. Grandpa is going to watch you. Mary pouted, she loved her Grandpa but wanted Mommy since Daddy was working.

"Mommy won't be gone long, I promise..." She kissed and hugged her

"I love you Mommy," Mary said hugging her tight not wanting to let go.

When Frank came he found Mary and Eddie each a little teary eyed. "What's wrong here?" he asked.

"Hi Grandpa, I don't want Mommy to go, she should stay with us," Mary said

"Mommy will be back soon," Frank told her. "Grandpa needs some help, I need to do some counting, can you help?"

Mary smiled, "I'm very good at counting Grandpa. Right, Mommy?"

"Good girl," Eddie smiled. "You won't even notice I am gone."

Mary doubted that but turned back to finish breakfast sadly. "She'll be okay," frank assured.

Eddie nodded and headed out for the day's errands. She picked up boxes and bubble wrap to start getting ready to move. Stopping by a flower shop Eddie swung by the cemetery for a visit.

She missed her little boy. She didn't know if this was going to help or hurt. Eddie knelt by Joey's grave. She shook as soon as she saw his name and the dates of his short life etched into the stone. "Mommy's here, baby boy. Mommy is here."

The wind blew as she set the flowers down, tears filling quickly in her eyes. "I miss you so much," Eddie choked out. "We all miss you so much that we have to leave this place, we have to leave this place and try to live where it doesn't hurt to just look around on the street. I know you are too little to understand, but try to know that we aren't leaving you. We aren't leaving you because we'll take you in our hearts wherever we go.

Eddie wiped at her tears taking a deep breath, "We love you baby, so much, Daddy Mommy your sisters."

Eddie found a parking spot across the street and looked out. She could picture her little boy walking alongside his Daddy, looking up to Jamie as he did so often. His Daddy was his hero. He loved his little ice cream mixture, chocolate chip with chips. The ME had assured them, and the doctors too, that Joey didn't feel any pain, the pain instead was living through her and Jamie's hearts. Eddie sighed thinking about the times they would never share again.

Eddie got home much later than anticipated, and when she did, she couldn't bring herself to get up and go inside. She sat back and stared at the house, tears of pain, anger, and regret running from her cheeks.

Jamie was just coming home from work when she pulled up. He waited but when Eddie didn't get out he approached

He knocked on the window softly, concerned that she was just sitting there. "Hey, you okay?"

Eddie looked away wiping at her face, "yeah I'll be in in a minute."

"You sure," Jamie pressed. "Open the door Eddie..." But she didn't she just turned her head to get her composure.

When Eddie came back in the house, she looked like she'd been crying, but put a big smile on her face. She had to keep that brave front up for Frank and for Mary, who stretched her arms out as soon as she saw her mother. "Mommy, I helped Grandpa a lot! We made cabbage soup for dinner too!"

Eddie found her daughter's enthusiasm at the slightest things delightful. She needed to find a way to bring the childlike enthusiasm out in herself. She didn't seem to have it today…she felt so numb inside except when the pain grabbed her and held on tight.

Jamie sniffed the dinner then looked at his wife. She was like that movie, Mona Lisa Smile…she was happy on the face of it, smiling and engaging their children, but she was not happy, neither one of them were, but Eddie seemed to be slipping further and further away.

"Dad, just take Bella for a second," Jamie asked and went inside to speak to Eddie. "Can we talk?"

"There really isn't anything to talk about, Jamie," Eddie replied. "Mary's watching us and you know how upset she's been getting lately."

"I do, and I know that you got upset too," Jamie replied. "You were just sitting in the car crying."

"I'm entitled, I'm grieving for my son," Eddie said with a slight edge, that tone further solidifying for Jamie how angry she still was.

Eddie pulled back as Jamie reached out, "Okay, this soup smells good. Stay and eat with us, Frank?" Eddie asked, she needed the buffer right now and she couldn't keep making that Mary's job.

Frank agreed and soon the incident of Eddie crying alone in the car was in the physical past, but the image was etched in Jamie's mind and in his heart. He'd hurt her badly when he pulled back from her, and isolated from her. She had been trying so hard to reach out to him, to start their healing, now, it was his turn.

Jamie did his best to be attentive that night, he did dishes, helped with the kids and even sat and watched TV with Eddie. She got up after one show and headed to bed.

Neither one slept well. They were both thinking of Joey, there life before, how far apart they were.

He went to see Mary, and found her still sleeping, her little forehead was sweaty. Jamie touched it softly and sighed, "Eddie..."

Eddie's feet shuffled in wrapping her bathrobe around her. "What's wrong is she okay?"

"She's got a fever," he replied. "And yeah, the leg is swelling. Call the doctor I'll get the girls bundled up."

They would take her right away. Mary woke up as Jamie carried her to the car, "Feel yucky Daddy." Jamie handed her to her Mommy, "We know, and we are going to see the doctor to make it all better."

Eddie buckled Mary in the seat next to her sister. "You'll feel better soon honey."

They drove to the doctor and Eddie carried Mary in while Jamie parked the car. She kept snuggled to her mother as they waited. Eddie's heart pounded.

Eddie rubbed Mary's back cradling her while they waited until a nurse called for them.

The news was good, Mary had a slight infection in the damaged tissue of her leg, nothing some rest and a shot wouldn't cure. Mary was a brave girl with shots, no tears.

Jamie brought the car around and Eddie loaded both girls inside. "No more ouches," Mary told her mother.

"No more ouches you'll feel better in no time," Eddie agreed getting the girls in.

"Do you want to stop and pick up lunch?" Jamie asked. "Some hot chicken soup and rolls?"

"Sure, that sounds good," Eddie agreed, the soup would also help Mary feel better

Jamie turned down the street where the diner was, there was a short cut. As they drove to the back-road parking lot, Eddie shouted. "Jamie, watch out!" He hit the brakes nearly missing a scrawny, dirty, Shepard mix puppy that ran in the road then cowered next to a dumpster.

"Are you okay?" Jamie turned and checked on Eddie and the girls taking a deep breath in relieved to see they were okay. "Stay here."

Eddie nodded "Did we hurt the puppy Mommy?" Mary asked seeing the little animal trying to hide as Jamie approached it.

"Daddy is going to check honey I think he's just scared."

Jamie leaned down toward the dog, "Hey, Buddy. It's okay, we aren't going to hurt you. You have a collar?"

The dog backed away whining and whimpering its coat messy.

"Oh, poor guy...come on, let's get you to a vet, we'll get you all better and some nice family can come and take you home."

The puppy let out a small whine sniffing Jamie's outreached hand slowly.

Jamie finally was able to scoop up the pup and carry him to the car. "We didn't hurt him," Jamie told Eddie. "But he's a stray, he needs a vet to check him out and see if he's healthy enough to be adopted..."

"He's cute, oh poor little guy," Eddie took the puppy into her arms

Mary took one look at the dog and beamed. "You can be my dog..." she kissed its dirty head not caring that he smelled and looked a fright.

Eddie and Jamie exchanged a glance, "Let's take him to the vet first honey and see."

"No, he can be my dog and go to the vet too..." Mary said firmly. "He's going to be my friend."

Jamie sighed, he hadn't seen Mary so happy in such a long time, but they were moving soon

She put her arms firmly around the puppy and held on tight. No one was going to tell this little girl she couldn't have this dog. "Let's make sure he's healthy, okay?" Jamie offered. "He might just be lost."

Jamie let Mary hold the puppy getting back in and pulling the car out again.

"Why don't you take the girls home in the car and I'll Uber home later," Jamie offered. "Preferably after we find the dog's owner."

Eddie looked back at Mary sighing glad to see her happy. "Okay but if he doesn't have one?"

Jamie sighed, he knew he had no choice. The plan didn't work, Mary flat out refused to leave the puppy. "Please Mommy, please Daddy, I'll take care of him. Please..." Her bright blue eyes were ready to shed tears of joy or sorrow depending on the outcome.

Jamie couldn't take those eyes of his little girl, "okay Mary let's get him checked out."

The dog had fleas and was underweight for its breed and age, but other than that it was given a clean bill of health.

The decision was made they would take him home making a little girl very happy.


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"You can pick his name," Eddie told her as she they back to the house. Mary was getting really tired, but she was so delighted to have a new friend. Mary didn't even have to think on that, "Cupcake...Joey said if we got a dog that he wanted to call it Cupcake."

Eddie's eyes teared up, "Yes he did, are you sure honey?"

"Yes, his name is Cupcake," Mary said with a yawn. Jamie shook his head, "Eddie, this thing is going to grow up to be 90 pounds plus, and it's a Shepard, a work dog, and it's a boy...she's calling it cupcake?" He shook his head.

"That's what she wants to name him Jamie, for her brother. Who are we to tell her no?" Eddie shrugged

He shook his head again, squeezing the bridge of his nose, this whole thing was making his head hurt. Eddie couldn't do anything but laugh, her first genuine smile in days.

Eddie and Jamie brought her home, tucking Mary in together, sitting with her until she fell asleep

"Mommy?" Mary asked as she snuggled. "Can we go in the big bed and all lay together. Even Cupcake?

"Of course honey," Eddie smiled picking Mary up and cradled her as she walked to their bedroom. The dog, who had already taken Mary as his person, followed and laid on the ground. It was pretty clear the dog had been owned, he was tame and he was housebroken, mostly.

Once she settled Mary looked up, "Daddy stay too please?"

"You wanna go ask him?" Eddie asked. She didn't want this but Mary did. They did that lot when the kids were sick.

Mary nodded, "Yes, Mommy I want you and Daddy here, both of you."

Eddie helped Mary go ask Jamie. She knocked on the door, "Daddy, can you come lay with us?"

Jamie opened the door smiling as he picked Mary up to kiss her head. "You want me to lay with you of course honey."

Jamie looked straight at Eddie, they hadn't laid in bed together since the affair. Eddie tucked Mary in between her and Jamie. They laid together silently, each stroking their little girl, feeling so sad and disheartened at the state of their situation.

Mary closed her eyes happy to have both parents together. If she had to be sick, at least she got to be with her parents.

It was painful for Eddie to lie there so close to Jamie and not even be touched or be able to touch him. They used to do this whenever Joey or Mary were sick, they would cuddle the child or children between them, hold hands, talk, laugh…it was over now, their life and their marriage. It was like a knife in her to lie here now, she couldn't handle it…she just couldn't.

Mary had a hard time falling asleep. She kept looking over at her new puppy, who went to sit on the pillow Eddie put on the floor with him. He was such a well behaved little pup. Eddie sang her to sleep and snuggled her to her breast. Jamie, out of habit, slid his arm around them both. The touch actually felt foreign to Eddie, and that hurt even more than the lock on the door, the lack of trust, anything. Eddie wanted to cry, she needed to cry. She found herself praying for Mary to fall asleep so that she could get away.

Mary did doze off about an hour after her normal bed time. Jamie had brought Bella in to feed and now she was now asleep as well.

Jamie looked down at his three girls. Mary and Bella asleep, Eddie looking like Joey died all over again even in her sleep. Jamie got up and lifted Bella first and put her in her crib. She wiggled but stayed asleep. Then he got Mary and put her in her bed, propping her swollen leg up. Cupcake followed Mary, he already knew who his main person was going to be. He laid on the rug near her bed. Jamie smiled and pet his head.

He went back to the bedroom, planning to tuck Eddie in only to find the bed deserted. He sighed, he knew the look on her face, she was in a lot of pain, and he had inflicted that. They had to stop this cycle or even six months wouldn't help them.

Jamie found Eddie on the sofa, her face lit softly by a single lamp on the lowest setting. "Hey, thought you were asleep."

"I was but," Eddie didn't look up or finish the sentence staring ahead at the wall of pictures

Jamie sat down next to her and followed her gaze. "Mary is so happy with the puppy, and while I was concerned we are moving it's probably a good place for a shepherd, a lot of property and all."

"She loves him already. He'll be happy there…a lot of space and love," Eddie nodded

"It might be just what she needs," Jamie replied. "But Cupcake?" he chuckled.

Eddie smiled, "It was her choice. I think it's nice she wanted to name him that for Joe."

"She misses him..." Jamie sighed. "We all miss him, Eddie. I can see how deeply you are hurting and..." Eddie didn't want to go there.

She got up, not answering, to look out the window pulling her bathrobe closed tighter.

She took a long breathe and turned around, "Jamie, I have been thinking a lot since you, uh moved to Joey's room. You're right, I don't think this is something you can force. We need to take time and we need to have space, especially you."

"I don't want things to be any more awkward then they are while we work on things," Jamie said softly

"Then we need to keep the space" Eddie replied. "So for now, I'll focus on the move, the kids, getting things ready for this family...and we'll see about the six months."

Jamie sighed and nodded, "okay I really want to work things out Eddie."

"So do I," Eddie replied. "I truly do, I have...we need to fix things and perhaps, once we move that will help it along."

"Oh, I think it will Eddie," Jamie looked at her. "I really believe it'll help us reconnect like we were."

"We'll never be like we were," Eddie replied. "Never. So much pain Jamie, I'm not sure we can. Ever." She turned around and headed to the bedroom, grief for her son and her marriage coming out as she did.

"Moving can be a lot of fun," Eddie told Mary. "One of the fun things is that you go through all your things and pick out what you want to take and what you want to get rid of."

"But I don't want to get rid of any of my toys mommy," Mary said. "I want them all."

"Okay, then you can take all your toys," Eddie told Mary. "What about some of these old clothes? Some of them don't fit you, what about picking a few things that you haven't worn and giving it to a little girl that doesn't have nice clothes like you?"

Mary looked at her clothes carefully picking two outfits she didn't like anymore. "These Mommy, someone can have these."

"Those are very nice outfits to give someone," Eddie smiled. "Good job! I'm so proud of you. Give Mommy a kiss."

Bella puckered her lips blowing raspberries at her sister and cooing softly.

"Oh, you are cute!" Eddie laughed hugging both her girls as Cupcake sat up and begged. "Oh, you want loving too, come here."

Cupcake ran right through Eddie's legs and stood on his two hind legs.

Jamie came home from work and heard the laughter. It was a lovely sound. Eddie had been doing what she had said, focusing on preparing the family for the move. She wasn't wearing special outfits, making special meals, or anything but making a home for them.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Jamie asked finding them in Mary's room, as he stood in the doorway.

"We are packing," Mary told Jamie. "I'm giving some things to poor kids. Look I found my rag doll."

"Oh, that's so nice of you sweetie," Jamie smiled giving her a hug then went to Bella.

He picked her up and held her on his hip, her tiny feet hanging down, one sock on and one sock off. "Eddie, do you want to me to start dinner or do you want to go out for a bite?"

"Can you start dinner? I still have so much so much to do," Eddie answered not looking up at him.

"Sure. Chicken and rice okay with everyone?" Eddie agreed and kept working on Mary's things.

A few days later, Jamie got the call he'd been waiting for, Sheriff Paul from Lancaster County was ready to get his papers done and wished to host Jamie and Eddie at dinner within the next week.

"Will you please come with me, Eddie?" Jamie told her when the call was finished. "Sheriff Paul wants the wives to get to know each other and for us to get a feel for the area. Please think about it. My Dad will take the girls and Cupcake for the two nights, I'm sure of it."

Eddie took a breath, she had been so focused on preparing the family she never thought this might come up, but here it was. "Of course, I'll come Jamie. This is important to you and your new job, it's important we put up a good front so things happen like the should out there, but Jamie, I will feel more comfortable with this if we focus on the job, the moving preparations and getting things set for the girls, it's not going to be a time to work on us."

"We have to at least pretend to be husband and wife. We've done that before, we're good at it," Jamie replied.

Eddie got her back up there, "Jamison Reagan," she said firmly. "Until God or a Judge says different, you and I will be husband and wife. I'll be there by your side, just like I'd want you to be there by my side too. This is for your potential career, so I'll support you, as your wife."

"I'll talk to my Dad about the girls then, and Cupcake…" Jamie replied, still shaking his head at the dog's unfortunate moniker. "This is the first step in the rest of our lives maybe. I'm going to see this trip as a beginning of our healing. That's what I'm choosing to do."

Jamie had to let it all hang out, he did have intentions for this trip and that was to at least start communicating again about something besides Mary's doctors, square footage, and needing to get a second car. He had set the timeline, six months and one was already gone. At this rate they would be divorced before his next birthday, and that was not what he wanted to do, not at all.


	29. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Slowly, the house was packed, but neither Jamie nor Eddie touched Joey's things. Eddie was laser focused on getting the family ready. Jamie was working but wanted to call and check on things while he had down time

The phone rang three times before Mary answered in a very professional way. "Hello this is Mary who is this please?" Jamie smiled at his girl

"It's Daddy," Jamie replied. "How come you're on the horn? Let me talk to Mommy."

"Mommy isn't here Aunt Hailey is. She's with Bella, Bella made an awful stinky."

Jamie laughed at Mary's description. "Where did Mommy go?" This was not like Eddie, not at all.

"Out. Aunt Hailey is here playing games with us she's so much fun at Uno not like you and mommy but don't tell her that."

Jamie chuckled, "Okay, thank you sweetie. Listen don't tell Mommy that Daddy called okay. It's our secret. I love you, Buttons."

"Love you too daddy see you soon, I miss you lots..." Mary said

"Miss you too," Jamie replied and hung up. Eddie had gone out with a friend and it was not Hailey...where could she be?

Jamie left the precinct as soon as he could. He had to find Eddie, if she was out with a "friend" that meant that she was either out alone again or had gone to meet…he couldn't even go there. The first place he went was the ice cream shop, he heard from some friends that she had been seen parked there a few times, only she wasn't there. Next, he went to a local coffee shop they favored and saw her sitting there with someone...he was furious and heartbroken. As he walked closer he realized of all people it was Marie Renzulli. He quickly got back in his car trying to read their lips, their body language, not even thinking that Eddie would make him.

Eddie held her coffee with both hands. She felt cold and so incredibly sad. "I don't know what to do, Marie," she sighed. "Jamie is just so angry with me over what happened with Steven, sometimes I think he actually hates me. That he will never be able to forgive me for what I did, he can't even stay in our bed with me."

Marie gave the younger woman a gentle smile. "I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

"I don't know..." Eddie sighed. "There is just so much anger there."

"Jamie is angry, but he's angry at himself too, and mourning his son," Marie advised.

"And more than that, and hear me out, I think he thinks that you did what you did out of anger, out of wanting to hurt him as badly as he hurt you." Marie stopped then and waited for Eddie's reaction.

"I didn't, I mean, I was angry," Eddie admitted. "But I told him I warned him and look what happened." Marie only nodded, sensing there was more. "Still, it wasn't on purpose and neither was the thing with Steven. Both things were stupid, but they just happened. What happened to Joey was not Jamie's fault and I know that, I really do and I need him to know that too."

"That's going to take some time honey," Marie replied. "Jamie's so angry with himself for Joey's death he's projecting that all over the place. Until he's ready to accept that it's not his fault, at least not all his fault, he's not going to be able to let go of the anger."

Eddie sighed, "I don't know how long I can keep this up, Marie, I really don't know. I'm trying focus on the girls, on the getting the family ready to move, but…"

"You keep doing that," Marie encouraged. "And know this in your heart, Eddie, Jamie has to realize that he's angry with himself, and he has to forgive himself, before he can forgive you. That goes both ways, you have to forgive yourself before Jamie can forgive you. You two are moving to a very lovely and peaceful place, let this go and start new. Take it from me, I've been married to Tony a long time, he's like a 12 year old one day and 82 the next, I'm used to the ups and downs of passionate men."

That made Eddie smile.

Eddie headed to the car with Marie and saw Jamie sitting in his car. He fired up his engine as they walked toward him and made tracks for home hoping she didn't actually see his face or the plates. Too late.

Jamie was home when Eddie arrived, rocking Bella to sleep. "I sent Hailey home," was all he said.

"I see that," Eddie replied. "I also know you only did a few seconds ago because you were spying on me tonight."

"No I wasn't," Jamie defended. "I wasn't spying on you, Eddie, I was looking for you. You never mentioned going out and…"

"And you thought I was going out with Steven, even though I haven't been to group or anything for over a month!"

Jamie wanted to tell her that Steven never crossed his mind, but that would be a lie, so instead he said nothing. "Your silence is answer enough! You are not going to trust me again are you? You are not going to forgive me for this, even after I… "Why even take five more months and move us away if you can't even trust me anymore?" Eddie felt the tears beginning to choke her. She stopped and wouldn't go on...

"Even after what?" Jamie pressed. "What, Eddie, talk to me." Maybe this was what they needed. Maybe this would clear the air once and for all.

She shook her head and swallowed her tears, "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm going to put my girls to bed, then I am going to bed and pray that when I wake up we find out this entire three months was just a nightmare."

Jamie didn't know what to say, all he knew was he had hurt Eddie again. They were locked in this washing machine like vicious cycle with seemingly no way out.

"You have to talk to that boy, Tony!" Marie ordered when she got home from her coffee date with Eddie. "That poor girl is heartbroken, grieving alone for her son when they should be together. He's so locked up in his own self-hatred that he can't see the damage that's being done. Going with the brother, and the baby being killed, it was stupid, it was a stupid choice, but the responsibility falls with the thugs that pulled the trigger, not with Jamie."

"Thank you, Dr. Phil," Renzulli replied. "I tried talking to him, Danny's tried, the Commissioner tried and he can talk the ear off a dead rhinoceros, if he can't do it, who can?"

"You," Marie replied. "You were his training officer, you always said how special that relationship is. Use that now and get through to him before he moves away and takes all this crap with him. I mean it!"

Renzulli had no doubt she did and he had no doubt he'd be in the doghouse if he didn't have one more go at Jamie.

He called the next morning to set up their own coffee date at the same coffee shop and just like Eddie, Jamie didn't say that was where he was going or what he was going for, he simply tacked it on to the end of his day.

"Have a seat, Harvard," Renzulli instructed. "Or should I be calling you numb nuts, cause that's what you are."

"Thanks a lot," Jamie replied. "You know, I don't need this kind of crap right now. The dog peed in my shoe this morning even though he doesn't pee any place else but the paper or outside and I had a huge fight with Eddie so…"

"Park it," Renzulli ordered. "This is about Eddie so listen to what I have to say."

Jamie sat down. "If I don't talk to you at the very least, my ass is going to be sleeping on a park bench cause my missus is all riled up after she talked to Eddie last night. Marie's got it in her head, and she usually ain't wrong, that you are so upset about this Steven guy because you think Eddie slept with him to punish you for Joey. Believe that nonsense?"

Renzulli could tell right away his tactic was working. Jamie was listening and he was thinking, even if he was wasn't ready to agree yet.

"Yeah, that's nonsense all right," Jamie replied. "I'm angry about Steven because she slept with him and that was something that was supposed to be sacred between us as husband and wife."

Renzulli nodded, "You have me there, but wasn't it just a stupid mistake that had a huge consequence? It wasn't like she set out to hurt you, she was just hurting herself and it happened. Sometimes things just happen."

"If your goal here is to get me to say that Joey's dying just happened and Eddie's affair just happened like an act of God, I won't do that," Jamie replied. "My son is dead because of me."

"No," Renzulli replied. "Your little boy is dead because of the person that pulled the trigger. That who's wrong here, the thug that shot at a car full of kids. What you did was stupid, because you knew Danny was in over his head, but this wasn't your fault. It's the shooter's fault and the sooner you realize that and forgive yourself, the sooner you can forgive Eddie and move on."

Jamie wasn't ready to hear that, not yet. "I can't forgive her, I know it wasn't on purpose, but it made a bad situation worse, and I can't forgive myself either…not for my son and not for pushing Eddie so far she had to find solace with another man. I can't yet, I just can't."

Renzulli left Jamie a half hour later, feeling a little more secure in the face that he got through. Jamie took a long breath, "I'll try harder," was his promise.

When he got home that night, Eddie was packing the living room. After their dinner and tour with the Sheriff next week, things would rapidly accelerate and they would leave this apartment and hopefully the bad memories behind for good.

"Hey, you need some help?" Jamie asked. "You've packed almost all of this yourself."

"I know," Eddie replied. "I told you that was going to be my focus. Oh, I called Milton S. Hershey hospital and they can meet with us on Thursday before the Sheriff's meeting, I thought you'd want to be involved in that part of things."

"Oh yeah, of course," Jamie replied. "I want to make sure we chose correctly, I think we did."

Eddie nodded, "Good, that's all settled then too. Is it settled with your father to babysit and dog sit?"

"Yeah, he's excited to have the dog but I haven't had the nerve to tell him it's name just yet." Cupcake came over and greeted Jamie with a nudge. "Did you find your papers?"

"I washed your slippers and yes, he was good all day," Eddie replied. "He got excited because you usually take him to walk with you I think."

Jamie scratched the dog's ears, "Yeah, I know he's still a puppy, I know old men that can't hold their bladder when they get too excited."

Jamie surprised her then and placed a soft kiss on her temple, "Thank you for working so hard to make this happen for our family."

Eddie sighed, "I made the same deal you did, so let's get through the next five months and see but this…this is not going to work, not like this."

She got up and headed for her bedroom, Jamie wanted to follow, but that wall was still so tall he wasn't sure how to get his head over it anymore. He had spent so much time and energy fortifying that wall that he had built he wasn't sure how to start tearing it down.

Jamie had a thought, he needed to remember how and why he fell in love with Eddie in the first place. If things were truly going to be like a rebirth he had to recapture that feeling and help her to do the same, it was there for him the first time he realized she belonged to him. Eddie was his soulmate.


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Mary followed her Mommy around as Eddie made last minute checks to see if they forgot anything. "Moooomy."

"Mary, be careful sweets, you are bumping your leg into the walls."

"Mommy, please don't go away. I'll miss you so much," Mary sniffled

"I know you will, but you'll have fun with Grandpa and Cupcake at his house. Daddy is almost ready for us."

Mary pouted and folded her arms, "But Mommy I want to stay with you and Daddy. Why can't you stay with us?"

"We have to do some boring grown up things for our move" Eddie explained. "Mary look at Mommy." Mary looked up her blue eyes wet, bottom lip quivering.

"Are you scared for Mommy and Daddy to go away?" Eddie asked. "You always liked going to a sleepover."

"I do, but I want you and Daddy to stay with us Mommy please. I'll be good and help."

"you are always good," Jamie spoke up. "And you can be the big helper with Grandpa and Bella okay?"

"But Daddy I want to stay with you and Mommy," Mary cried. Jamie sighed and hugged her, before picking her up to go to the car. This too was on him.

She calmed on the short drive to Bay Ridge. Frank saw them pulling up, smiling. "My girls..." Cupcake jumped out following Mary protectively staying by her side

Frank pet the dog as Eddie called him, "Cupcake no!" Frank raised an eyebrow. "Cupcake?" Jamie laughed "He's secure in his manhood, Dad."

Frank gave Jamie a long look and laughed too. "Okay hello, Cupcake," he shook his head. The animal liked Frank immediately and licked his hands. "I named him," Mary told her Grandpa.

"Oh really," Frank smiled giving Mary a hug. She seemed settled, so Jamie and Eddie prepared to say a fast goodbye.

They started with Bella who would be easier, giving her hugs and kisses

Then they went to Mary, this time she was ready. "Have fun with Grandpa. Mommy and Daddy will be back soon, Eddie said hugging her. "Love you."

"Love you..." Mary called waving her hand. Jamie and Eddie turned their car toward Pennsylvania.

Jamie hoped to use the ride to connect with Eddie, but she kept her headphones in for most of the trip. Halfway through the trip the roads got narrow and the scenery turned picturesque and lovely. When they got closer to the Sheriff's office, they even saw some Amish people out in their fields and driving along in buggies. The peace and tranquility of the environment seemed to settle the nerves that were rattling in their stomachs.

Eddie pulled the buds out, "So tell me about Sheriff Paul, so I'm prepared." They had made good time and would have some time left over before the meeting.

"He's an older man" Jamie replied. "I've spoken to him directly the several times, and he's ready to retire. He mentioned there are some things going on lately that he's not too happy with, some old bad habits coming back around again and he thinks a younger and tougher Sheriff is in order here. He's married and we'll be having supper with them tonight to get introduced, but you already know that."

Eddie nodded, he was just a fountain of information. "The hospital is about a half hour down this road,' Eddie told Jamie. "And the doctor's office is inside the hospital kind of like at Columbia."

"She'll do well here,' Jamie replied. "The kids, I think might be sweeter and the environment is slower. Mary will do well here."

Eddie smiled, she had hope the entire family would prosper and flourish here. "Do you want to check out the hospital first then back track? We have some time before the interview."

Eddie nodded, "Sure, let's get a look at how they can help our girl."

Jamie drove to the hospital waiting so he and Eddie could walk in together. Eddie had spoken to a doctor and made the appointment to meet with her. "Eddie and Jamie Reagan here for Dr. Rose."

"I'll let her know you're here," the receptionist smiled reaching for the phone

The doctor came down and took them back to the therapy room. "This is for children under eight. Fortunately, we don't have many in the program and the kids get one on one attention."

"That's great, our daughter seems to thrive having one on one attention," Eddie told her.

"And she is still wheelchair dependent now? And it's been four months?"

"She's been getting therapy, but the leg was badly injured," Jamie answered

"Yes well our goal will be for her to be independently mobile." Jamie looked around as they walked amazed at the facility and equipment they passed.

The doctor stopped in a room to explain how they work with the kids. "We also teach the parents how to help at home."

They had been doing this but it was good to know it would continue.

"We would give you the resources you need to help your daughter and I'm always available."

They left the hospital feeling very confident. They drove to the boarding house Eddie had arranged for them. The rooms were small, sporting only one double bed, one chair, and a dresser. Eddie sighed, they hadn't laid together in weeks…they would cross that bridge when they came to it.

Jamie didn't say anything either, he laid the suitcase on the bed and Eddie selected her outfit. "I'm going to take a quick shower…" She took the suit in with her so the wrinkles would fall out.

Jamie sat on the bed and waited for her to come out. They had related to each other as parents at the hospital…but not was husband and wife, he hoped that tonight with another couple they could bridge a bit of that gap.

Eddie stepped out in her bathrobe and slippers, "All yours, the water gets really hot really fast," she warned. Jamie didn't like super-hot water the way she did.

When Jamie stepped out of the shower, Eddie was ready. She was dressed in a brown, tailored pants suit with a pink blouse underneath. Her hair was curled and gathered at the top of her head in a bun with ringlets framing her face. Her make-up was soft earth tones, highlighting her natural beauty. She looked smart, sophisticated and well put together. To Jamie, she looked fabulous.

"You look gorgeous," he smiled. "I love what you did with your hair."

Eddie didn't return Jamie's compliment, instead she fixed his wrinkles, "We better go or we'll be late."

They rang the bell and were greeted by Sheriff Paul still in uniform. "Well, Jamison Reagan, in the flesh," he smiled. "Welcome, welcome come on in."

Jamie smiled and stood to the side so Eddie could go in first. "Sheriff Paul, this is my wife, Eddie. Eddie, Sheriff Paul."

Jamie smiled when he felt Eddie loop her arm through his and smiled up at him. She was going to do her duty, no question about that.

They followed him back into the living room and sat down. "So, let me formally welcome you to Pennsylvania, did you get a chance to look around?"

"We had an appointment for our daughter," Eddie replied. "At Hershey Hospital to see if they can continue her therapy and they can, and we had time to check in at our boarding house before coming here . I'm fascinated by the number of buggies and the roadside stands and all that I've seen in just this short time." Eddie never stopped smiling.

The sheriff grinned, "Yeah, we have a nice Amish community out here good people, but my wife and I were hoping you'd stay with us. Angela has a room all ready for you and she's planned some meals too. Please…"

They only nodded, not wanting to offend Jamie's new boss and a kind man. The talk continued as the Sheriff wanted to learn more about this pair. "How long have you been a cop Eddie?"

"Seven years but not all together, I took time off with each of our children and then just decided to take a leave when our youngest was born. We met on the job," Eddie admitted.

"That happens more than you might think," he replied. "I have a few husband and wife deputy teams on my roads. Angela…" he called to his own wife. "The Reagans are here, this is Jamison and Eddie Reagan, my wife Angela."

Angela was a striking woman, handsome was the way Eddie would describe her. She invited them in for a drink before going to dinner.

They took one car to the restaurant at the Sheriff's insistence. "This is one of our favorite places," he smiled. "Mostly because it has a band that takes requests. We always try to dance to our song when we go to eat. We'll stop at your boarding house and pick up your things on the way back to our place."

Eddie smiled. Jamie handed her out of the car, they walked into the restaurant holding hands, the picture of a happily married couple ready to embark on a new life. Looks could be deceiving.


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

They sat at a quiet table in the corner of the restaurant. Jamie ordered a drink for each of them while Angela and Eddie went to the ladies' room. "My dear,' Angela said softly. "I just want to say from one mother to another, how sorry I am about your children. I don't know what it is to lose a child, praise the Lord, but I do know what it's like to see one in pain, both things must wound you deeply."

"I ache every day for my Joey," Eddie replied. "But Mary…she is…She is so strong. Mary is by far the strongest of us, and I know in my heart my little girl will walk one day without that brace, without those crutches, I know that."

Angela moved to embrace Eddie, she gratefully accepted the older woman's hug. A few tears ran out of her eyes as she remembered her bright eyed and happy little boy. "I'm hoping the change is good for my family," Eddie replied. "This is hard to bear for me as Joey's mother, but Jamie's borne the brunt of the guilt. He was with Joey when he was…" Eddie swallowed. "We better get back."

While the ladies' were in the powder room, Jamie spoke with Sheriff Paul. "This is a healing place. Things happen here that don't happen other places in the world. I was lead Deputy during the Nickel Mines shooting…I've lived in Lancaster County all my life. I lived and worked beside the Amish my entire life, but even I was floored at their ability to forgive the man that did what was done there and to embrace his widow and support her as if she were one of their own. I think you will find the peace you seek for your family. Tomorrow I'll introduce you and your wife to some of the elders, they will help you get accepted with your Amish neighbors. You are surrounded in the house you chose, was that by design?"

"No," Jamie replied. "I didn't really think about the Amish at all, not really. We chose that house because it's ranch style for Mary."

"Ah, yes," the Sheriff replied. "Young Mary."

They discussed the plans for her care until the women came back. Both men stood to welcome their wives back to the table. Jamie noticed the tear tracks on Eddie's face, he silently asked "Are you okay?"

She nodded but squeezed his hand, needing a little bit of his strength to buck up and continue through the dinner.

As the two couples were on the dance floor, Eddie let her head fall onto Jamie's chest, they each relished in the feel of each other's bodies so close again. They hadn't been this close to one another since that night after the funeral, perhaps, that's what pushed her away and into someone else's life, Jamie wondered. He held a little tighter.

When the dance finished, they returned to the table to find yet another course of rich food on it. They exchanged glances when a new bottle of wine appeared. They had to be polite and drink at least some of it, even if it was going to both their heads.

They started to talk again about Jamie's work history and his plans for the county. "I think that we will have to tighten the reins for lack of a better word on some of the hate crime activity. I know that most of it is cultural for the area but we don't want another Nickel Mines or Fulham County and that's what we'll get if what you've said is accurate."

"Oh," Angela replied. "It certainly is, there has been mounting trouble and now that the position is appointed and not elected Jamie can make some real inroads here. I think Don and the Mayor talked to him about this at his last trip out here."

Jamie nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure and I'm looking forward to taking a bite out of this and with my wife by my side." Jamie gave Eddie a warm smile.

When they got back to the Sheriff's house that night and settled in their room, Jamie sat down next to Eddie. "Talk to me. You stiffened up like a board when we were dancing, and the look on your face. Talk to me please."

Eddie took a deep breath, "I'm just…" The tears threatened. "I miss him, Jamie. I miss Joey so badly and seeing those buggies with big families and Angela mentioning him to us and…there's just so much, Jamie. There is just so much that still hurts and I find myself more and more frightened every day!"

"Of what?" Jamie asked, reaching out to hold her hands. "Of what, tell me."

Eddie started to cry, "I'm frightened that after the five months is up I won't want to be married anymore…even if…even if you do."

Don't say that Eddie we will work it out I know we will. You and I have been through so much and we are meant to be together."

"Then why..." Eddie sobbed. "Why is this happening?"

Sighing Jamie kissed the top of her head, "I don't know honey but we'll be okay we have each other." Eddie cried. She sobbed and wrapped her arms around her self holding herself.

All Jamie could do was hold her and gently kiss Eddie's head reassuring her.

She took a long breath in and held tight to Jamie. It felt good to be held like that.

"I will always love you Eddie," Jamie whispered softly.

"You haven't acted like it..." Eddie sobbed. "I know I'm...I know it..." He didn't know what to do so he simply rocked her and snuggled her.

As Jamie rocked her, he rubbed his hand over Eddie's back. "Tell me that you still...that we can make it work..." She sighed. "Tell me we..." She shook with so much emotion coming up.

"Of course we can Eddie I really believe we can make this work."

Jamie slowly helped Eddie get into bed. "Lean back and try to rest a bit."

She looked up at him blue eyes rounded, "are you going to stay with me?"

"Of course," he replied. "Of course" They only had the one bed and he couldn't explain a marital rift to his new boss, but he sincerely needed things to be better. He took her shoes off and laid down next to her simply holding her.

Jamie moved closer to her securing her body to his. Eddie looked up, giving him a gentle smile eyes twinkling. "I miss you so much Eddie," Jamie snuggled her. "I miss us. I miss being together."

"You do? Because I miss it too, I miss a lot of things about being with you Jamie."

"You pulled away from me Jamie that really hurt."

"I love you, Eddie," he sighed. "We need to remember, like I said what makes our marriage special. We need to remember why we fell in love."

Eddie got quiet slowly nodding, "Jamie you are the best person I know, you're my best friend."

"And you are mine," Jamie replied. "I'm so sorry I hurt you by pushing you back. I know that Steven was a symptom of great pain you were in and what I didn't give you. I know you belong to me.'

"We belong to each other Jamie that's how it should be," Eddie said quietly

"That's how it will be," he murmured. "We are soulmates. Let's start new."

"That sounds good Jamie let's start new," she reached a hand out to him.

They woke in each other's arms to the warm aroma of bacon and waffles. Eddie's eyes and head hurt

"Rest Eddie I'm right here," Jamie whispered watching her as he wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"No, we have to get up. Angela is making us breakfast, you are meeting that community leader and the landlord said we can get in the house this afternoon," Eddie replied. "I'm okay." She leaned up and gave him a soft kiss. "I feel a lot better after we talked."

Jamie ran his hand down her cheek, "Me too. This place will be healing, I know it. I'll go down and make your coffee like you like it. Take your time."

Eddie pulled on a form fitting pair of black boot flare pants and a blue blouse. She put her curled hair in a ponytail on the top of her head and wore a black sweater over the blouse.

Eddie was still upset reaching for his hand needing a reassurance they were still close.

Jamie wanted to give it to her, this place would heal. "He slowly gave her hand a squeeze, moving closer and smiling.

Don took them out to see the lay of the land. This is a pretty large district and this is where Levi Fischer lives. He is a bishop here."

"This place is something else definitely not like New York huh Eddie?"

"Not at all," Eddie smiled. "Much more relaxed."

"Definitely more relaxed," Jamie nodded smiling at Eddie.

"Levi," Don smiled at the older bearded gentleman. "This is our soon to be new sheriff and his wife, Eddie."

Levi extended a hand to them smiling, "It's great to meet you both."

Eddie wasn't sure how to take this man, he was warm and embraced them with his smile. "It's very nice to be here."

"Much different then where you're from I bet. I am really eager to have you settle in with us."

"Eddie, come meet Levi's wife, Ruth," Angela offered. "She's a very sweet lady." Eddie nodded turning to Jamie slowly letting their hands slip.

"My wife is still deeply struggling with the loss of our son," Jamie explained. "We both miss him but..."

"I'm very sorry to hear that I can't image how hard it must be," Levi said.

"It is a grievous wound," Jamie replied. "But we hope to heal here."

"I hope so as well," Levi added dropping the subject and said simply, "I will pray for that."


	32. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

After their introduction, Jamie and Eddie broke off to do their own thing. They needed to go meet the landlord and measure for furniture. It was the next step in their healing and restarting their lives.

They pulled up to the white clapboard style ranch house with wrap-around porch and porch swing. The shutters were painted a near emerald green and the whitewash on the house was fresh. "Oh, Jamie…" Eddie nearly beamed. "It's even more beautiful than in the picture. It's so quaint."

Jamie smiled, he was so glad to see her relaxing and smiling again. It was good to see her happy. They walked up the porch, there was a note from the landlord. "There is a key under the mat, I will meet you a bit later. There is a tape measure in the kitchen drawer."

Eddie was prepared with her own digital device as well. She got the key from under the mat and slid it in the lock. Jamie saw a great opportunity to commemorate a moment from their early marriage. He stooped and slid his arms around her to lift her up and into his arms. "Jamie, what are you doing?"

"Carrying my wife across the threshold," Jamie replied. 'It's our first house, our first real house together."

Eddie laughed as he carried her inside and set her down in the entry way. There was nothing elegant or grand about this house, it was pretty and homey, perfect for a regular family to live a regular life.

Eddie smiled, looking around the house, eyes beaming, she didn't need elegant just Jamie.

"Look at this front room," Jamie smiled. "It's huge, we can set up this corner for Mary's therapy and Bella can have a play space here. We even have room for the dog's kennel."

"They would love that," Eddie agreed with a smile, able to see Mary doing her therapy while Bella played, a home with their family

There were five big bedrooms, "Each of the girls can have their own room and we have a guest room too. These two bedrooms connect, if we need to..." Eddie wasn't sure if they were going to join bedrooms again.

Eddie got out the measuring tape and started to write things down. "We'll need to buy more furniture to fill up this house, our stuff from the apartment won't even fill this place halfway."

"We can go to the store and look for nice furniture to match. What are you thinking?" Jamie smiled.

"I think we keep as much as we can," Eddie replied. "Maybe get a love seat and a couple recliners. That would fit around your floor plan," Eddie laughed.

Jamie laughed too watching her plan. "A loveseat would be nice, and a fire place, we can all cuddle together."

"That's a good idea," Jamie replied. "And it does get cold here."

"Yes, we could cuddle in front it has movie night with the kids," Eddie suggested.

She stepped closer to Jamie, "Remember last night when we talked about me being scared that I would want out of this marriage, not just you?"

"Yeah, I remember," Jamie slipped his arms around her waist slowly

"It's not just going to be about reconnecting,' Eddie sighed. "It's going to be about intimacy too. I can't live a parallel life with you, I want to be husband and wife again, and I can tell you aren't there yet."

"I'm trying to be there Eddie, I want to be there with you. I promise," Jamie whispered.

"We have to try a little harder then," Eddie said. "To fix this..." She got interrupted by the landlord arriving to complete showing the house.

Jamie sighed wanting to finish the conversation, turning to the landlord quickly.

"Did you get a chance to see the back porch?" he asked. "There's a swing set and slide for the kids. And of course plenty of room for you to expand your family."

"That sounds nice we didn't get out to the back yet," Eddie said looking up at Jamie.

They passed through the long hallway, past the kitchen and both bathrooms, "This would make a lovely nursery if you are thinking about having more children." Eddie stopped and her hands went to her stomach.

Jamie shook his head at the thought, it was too soon to think about that right now.

He slid his arm around her, holding her close to him. "It's okay, take a breath." She nodded and leaned on him as they continued to explore the property.

They stood in the yard and looked out. "Cupcake will have the greatest time out here. The more time we are here the better I feel about it."

"Me too. I have a great feeling that everyone will be happier here."

Jamie put his arm around Eddie and she laid her head on his chest. He dropped a kiss on her head, just happy to hold her again.

They finished the tour settling down to talk and sign the papers. Eddie listened imaging their family there.

As they left the house and went back to their rental car, Eddie started to cry. She turned and sought her husband to comfort her.

"What's wrong Eddie," Jamie quickly pulled her close in a tight hug.

"We should be able to fill up those rooms," Eddie sobbed. "Our Joey should be here. He should be here."

"I know honey, I know," Jamie soothed holding her in his arms.

She hiccupped. "Our boy belongs with us, he should be here."

"He should honey, you're right," Jamie kissed the top of her head. Jamie bit his lip, her pain was like a dagger in his heart. "Let's go do something, anything you want to do."

"Yeah maybe it'll help," Eddie sniffled looking up at him, staying his arms.

"Okay..." Jamie replied. "You want to take a buggy ride?"

"Yeah, that would be nice," Eddie agreed, a small smile coming.

They found a buggy stand and paid for the tour of the farm lands in the courting buggy. Eddie cuddled against him as they slowly started, laying her head on his shoulder.

"So…Sheriff Reagan...you ready to be in charge of all of this?"

"Long as I have a beautiful partner by my side," Jamie smiled and kissed her head.

"You know I'll stand by you, Jamie," Eddie replied.

He smiled "I know." Jamie kissed her head again and held Eddie tight.

The horse clipped along as Jamie stroked her arms. He tipped her head up and kissed her lips. They were each thinking about that night and how it would end.

They chose to have dinner on their own that night and drinks with the Sheriff and Angela before bed. They had a candlelit dinner in a quant restaurant with wine.

"To new beginnings," they toasted and clinked glasses.

Eddie smiled at him over the glass taking a sip before setting it down. "New beginnings to a long future."

They ordered their food then Eddie looked down at her hands. She wasn't sure what Jamie had in mind for later. She wasn't feeling it from him yet, the connection. Jamie smiled and reached across the table slowly holding her hand, letting their fingers intertwine.

The appetizer came and Jamie fed Eddie a bite. They did that a lot of the time when they were dating, holding hands, playing footsie, and feeding each other. Eddie watched him, her eyes twinkling, moving her fingers to slowly rub against his.

"Oh, this is so good," Eddie smiled. "Oh, so good."

"Everything is really great but the best part is being here with you," Jamie smiled at her.

"Do you really remember our first date?" Jamie asked.

"Of course I remember Eddie, that was a very special night," Jamie nodded.

"We danced in our bare feet, and held each other all night," Eddie recalled. "We waited to make love just a few days…"

Jamie nodded dropping his voice, "And when we did make love, it was extra special."

"That needs to always be extra special Jamie," Eddie murmured. "Always." She let her words hang there. He got her meaning.

Both smiling, they headed up the Sheriff's front walk. Eddie's feet had been aching so she carried her shoes and Jamie carried her to the door. "They are so sweet together," Angela smiled seeing them approach. "At first, I felt like maybe it was all for show, that they were in trouble, but the way she lit up talking to Ruth about Jamie...I was wrong."

The sheriff smiled, "Hey, Jamie, Eddie. Did you have a good time?"

"You two were right about the restaurant, it was to die for," Eddie smiled. Jamie held her closer and kissed her head. "Eddie loves food of all kinds."

The sheriff smiled, "we love that restaurant too. Hope you saved some room for drinks."

They shared a look, "Yes, I think we can handle a night cap," Jamie replied.

Looping an arm around Angela the sheriff was glad to lead the young couple to the den.

They shared some scotch and a good old-fashioned talk. "So, what did you think of Levi and Ruth?" Angela asked.

"They are very nice people," Jamie answered with a smile.

"Sometimes, it's hard to learn how to interact with them," Don empathized. "And Levi being a church leader...he's tougher, the other's will be more open. Your house touches three Amish farms, you're surrounded out there."

"I think that's nice," Eddie replied. "We need the quiet, this family has had a hard year and we need to heal, we need to get better from the loss before we can move on."

"This place has a way of doing that," Don replied. "So does this work that we'll be doing. Let's have a toast to that."

Jamie smiled and raised his glass, along with Don and Angela. Eddie was the last to follow suit.

They went up to the bedroom hand in hand and prepared for bed. "I had a nice time, I think it was good that we had some time together without the girls." Eddie was trying to gauge Jamie, would he want to make love, he had been so much more affectionate and open. She was still not sure how she felt either.

Jamie slid into bed in his boxer's and undershirt, and Eddie in a plain man's shirt style nightie. They laid facing each other, their hands moved together and their fingers entwined. They kissed gently, just small pecks in the soft darkness of the room.

"I don't think we should do more than this," Eddie whispered as Jamie's hands rubbed her arms through the sheets. "I don't think we are ready, I know you aren't ready and I can't take it if we try and fail again. I need to feel something from you that I'm not feeling yet, I need to feel something for myself too."

Jamie sighed and leaned over to give Eddie another chaste kiss. "We need to keep trying to connect, even when we go back to New York or these next five months aren't going to make a different. I want to touch you, hold you, kiss you. I know I really hurt you, you know you hurt me, we acknowledged it, now it's time to move beyond it. I don't want to keep hurting you."

"I don't want to keep being hurt," Eddie replied. "Or hurting you either. I think we should hug and kiss and hold hands, I think we should sort of date a little until we both feel we are ready to make that special connection again. Stopping that wasn't a mutual decision, but I think starting again should be, it has to be."

Jamie swallowed, he didn't have the words, so Eddie continued. "If we can't rekindle it Jamie…It's going to…if it never happens for us again in the next five months, if we can't get to the place where we are husband and wife in all the ways that matter, we know where this is going to go, how it's going to end, so let's make that a goal for us, to get back to that place. I don't want you to feel forced and I don't' want to feel that way either, it needs to be special or it can't happen at all."

Jamie again silently agreed, he hated they were here in this mess, he hated it for both of them. "Eddie I…"

"Maybe we need some help getting there," Eddie continued. "Maybe we need some counseling, a safe place to air all of this and get everything out. It's going to be a long five months as it is…"

"Let's get settled first," Jamie suggested. "Let's give the move and a new life a chance to work. I already feel closer to being ready, to being connected than I have since we…with Joey and I know you do too. Let's just give us a chance to work, okay?"

Eddie agreed then turned over on her other side, facing away from him. "Hey, don't be upset, I don't think we need a shrink just yet okay? I think we can do it on our own if we want it bad enough…" He hugged her back. "And I do. I know you do too. I love you so much. I really do. I love you."

Eddie reached her hand out from underneath the sheets and covered Jamie's hand, "We'll try it then, we'll try more this way, but I can't and won't live without us reconnecting, we can co-parent better apart than we can together. Just remember that."

Jamie knew there was no way he was ever going to forget.


	33. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

They started for home after breakfast, their moving date fast approaching. Eddie looked over at Jamie, he had one hand on the wheel, holding her hand with his other one.

He smiled at her sideways turning back to the road. Things were going to get busy for them.

The drive was about 4 hours long, as they got closer to New York Eddie got excited about seeing her kids. They drove right into Bay Ridge to Frank's house wanting to pick up the girls and Cupcake

Frank was washing Bella in the baby tub when they got there. Mary was in her exerciser walking around, her bad leg dragging but her good leg gaining strength. "Hey guys," Jamie smiled walking in with Eddie beaming, happy to see them.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Mary sailed over to her parents. "Look at me!"

"Wow you're doing so great honey we missed you guys," Eddie caught her, giving big hugs.

Bella squealed from Frank's arms and Cupcake ran toward them so fast he crashed into the wall. Jamie took Bella cradling her in his arms. "Thanks for watching them dad how were they?"

"They all were very well behaved," Frank replied. "Mary show Mommy and Daddy what we taught Cupcake."

Mary turned beaming and put her hand up, "Cupcake lay." Cupcake lay flat on the floor waiting.

"Good boy," Mary praised. "Cupcake over..." The dog rolled over.

"Wow good job Mary he's really good," Jamie smiled.

"Grandpa help me," she smiled as Eddie put her down. "You guys ready to go home?"

"Yes Mommy," Mary nodded going to Frank and gave him a hug. "Bye Grandpa."

"Bye sweetie pie," Frank gave her a hug. "Bye Belly... Cupcake nice to meet you." Cupcake barked in response trotting out after Mary staying close to her.

Pizza and a video that night at Mary's wish, she had missed her parents a lot. "Are we still moving?'

"Yeah honey we saw our new house its really nice with a big yard to play in."

Mary got a little sad at that, "I can't play that good yet."

"But you will be able to when you get better, you and Cupcake and Bella."

"And I'll dance too?" she asked. They had found it off Mary hadn't asked about her dancing yet. She was a great dancer the best in her little class before..."We can see honey we found a really nice doctor to help you get better."

Mary nodded, "I'll do a pretty dance..." She was convinced. Eddie and Jamie reached for each other.

"Let's get that leg better first," Jamie said looking at Eddie with a quiet look.

When it was bedtime Mary wanted to fall asleep in the big bed with her parents. She had missed them so much. Eddie wasn't sure if Jamie planned to share their bed again or if he was going to stay in Joey's room. She looked up at him when Mary made her request, and he nodded with a soft smile. "We love you Mary, Mommy and Daddy are right here," Eddie assured.

They settled the little girl between them and tucked her in. Jamie and Eddie held hands over her as she tried to fall asleep. It was clear something was physically bothering her, she kept shifting and trying to move.

Jamie lay awake feeling Mary moving around. "Mary, what's wrong honey?"

Eddie sat up and propped herself up on her arm. "Stupid leg, moving by itself," Mary sniffled.

"Let Daddy see if he can make it better," Jamie said softly

"I thought this was over by now," Eddie sighed. Jamie shook his head checking her leg to see what he could do.

The nerves were misfiring and Jamie sighed. There was nothing to be done but rally around her until it all stopped. "Come here honey, look at Daddy okay? It'll be done soon," Jamie held Mary tight

Eddie kissed her head and snuggle her daughter. When Mary finally fell asleep, Eddie looked at Jamie. "Hailey's coming tomorrow to see the girls."

"That'll be nice they love Hailey a lot," Jamie whispered

"And we have things to do for the move, furniture and all, it's cheaper to buy it at the whole sale place"

Jamie nodded, "they have a big selection too and nice options."

"Yeah..." Eddie replied getting sleepy herself.

"Go to sleep Eddie," Jamie kissed the top of her head.

"Love you," she murmured as she drifted off.

"Love you too," Jamie replied. They both drifted off to sleep.

"So tell me everything about Pennsylvania," Hailey said the next afternoon.

"It was so different from New York very serine and peaceful, everyone was very welcoming."

"That's great, but what about Jamie?" That was her major concern

"He seemed to really it like too. The house is nice and he's excited about the position."

"I meant with you, is he opening back up at least?"

"He is," Eddie replied remembering how they had held each other as they slept in Pennsylvania and how they had held hands across Mary's little body the night before. She felt warm inside, today's furniture shopping trip and a dinner would solidify them on their path to healing. She just knew it.

"It's still a work in progress but we're working on it. Actually, would you mind watching the kids I'd like Jamie and I to have dinner together tonight."

"Not at all," Hailey replied. "I love my time with them and this little guy is adorable." She petted Cupcake on the head. "You two will make it, I know it. I believe in you."

Eddie gave her friend a warm hug, "thanks so much Hailey we need time together."

"You do," she agreed. "Let's do you hair nice while the girls are napping."

"Mommy?" Mary called waking up just as she said that.

Eddie laughed, "She had the timing that's for sure. I'll get her, but you know she'll want you to play with her hair."

"I'll be glad to do both," Hailey smiled as Eddie headed to pick up her girl.

Jamie headed over to his father's house. He vaguely remembered Eddie wanting to pick out furniture, but Hailey was coming over today so she wouldn't want to go today, would she? Danny's car was parked outside when Jamie came in. "Hey," Danny smiled at Jamie. "How's it going, Sheriff?"

"Not just yet," Jamie replied. 'What's that? For the fantasy league?"

Danny nodded, "You want it. I have a pizza coming, Dad's going to pick as soon as he gets home."

He could take a few minutes, then head home. He would see if Hailey would babysit and they could get a bite to eat. That would be great, just the two of them.

Eddie went to the furniture store where she intended to meet Jamie. She stood in the front and waited for him but he didn't come. Since it was getting late Eddie went in sadly to pick out furniture without him.

She chose a brown loveseat and two recliner chairs. Eddie was happy with what she picked out, but heartbroken Jamie didn't show up. She thought about taking their bed with them, but the idea of taking all those memories..."Can you please show me a bedroom set?" The sales person was happy to take-her into the bedroom section.

Eddie chose a king size bed for herself and a full size one for Jamie. They were done it was clear he had no interest in her anymore. She was starving by the time the furniture was taken care of, sad that she would have to eat alone.

She got some pizza and headed for home. For his part, Jamie had swung by his Dad's house and got side tracked picking a fantasy ball team with Danny. Before he knew it, it was 8:30.

"Geez, I didn't realize how late it is Eddie must be starving," Jamie reached for his phone. He sent her a text, "Hey honey, lost track of time. You hungry? Want to meet for burgers like we used to?"

He received a reply, "No, I ate already and I got furniture for the house. It's done!"

"Oh hell," Jamie groaned. "She did want to go today! Damn it…we worked so hard this weekend and I blew it!"

Frank shook his head, "Go home to your wife it's late and sounds like you need to be there."

"I knew Hailey was coming and I only planned to be here five minutes..." Jamie felt terrible. He looked at Eddie's text, "I bought furniture and already ate. It's done..."

"Eddie isn't happy Jamie, you need to go work things out," Frank suggested.

"I am..." Jamie replied. "I'm gone."

Frank sighed watching his youngest bolt out the door knowing good things weren't waiting for him at home.

Eddie was in the couch with Bella and Cupcake when Jamie got home. "Hey Eddie, I know I forgot about shopping today."

"Where were you?" She asked him. "Did something happen at work?"

"No Eddie, I stopped by Dad's. I swear I only intended to be there for 5 minutes."

"Oh, is he okay? Your Dad?" If he was with Frank and they got to talking…

Jamie couldn't lie to her, even though he knew that Eddie would be livid. "Yeah, Dad is fine. Danny was there and I just lost track of time hanging out with him."

Eddie sucked in a breath and immediately felt tears come. "I'm sorry, Eddie. I never meant to be out this late. I forgot you wanted to go shopping and figured Hailey was coming…" The look on her face told him it was too late. The mask had settled down over her face, she stopped listening when he said Danny.

Eddie's head was swarming, Danny again, he did it again, and he had pushed her to aside for his brother, the man they had to thank for the destruction of their family. How could Jamie forgive him? How could he even look at him, never mind put him ahead of planning their new home.

To be honest, this was one reason why she agreed to get away, their little branch of the family only had a chance if Jamie was forced to put them first, to put Eddie first. She'd known she would always be equal to his family, not above it, but for a long time she felt that she was behind them. She had never confronted that, but she was going to now. "Where am I on your list of importance Jamie? I haven't been on that list in a long time and I feel it."

"Of course you are Eddie, it was a mistake and I'm so sorry," Jamie replied.

"Words, Jamie," she replied. "Just words."

Jamie sighed, "I made another big mistake…"

Eddie let the silence speak. She didn't want to rip that wound open again. She knew Jamie bled as much as she did, it wasn't his fault.

Jamie sat back, "Don't you think I know that Eddie that I feel it too? I miss him too!"

"And you are still choosing to spend time with the man that started this nightmare. You forget, Jamie, I saw the video, I saw him hide behind the van with my babies inside! I saw him draw fire to my babies!"

"He's my brother Eddie I shouldn't have to choose! He's a cop it was instinct you should know that you were on the job!"

Eddie was sobbing, "I know that I would never hide behind a car with children inside, children he is supposed to love! And choose? You did choose, you always choose and I lose every time." She couldn't hold it in anymore. She turned and went to the bedroom and shut the door.

Jamie sighed quietly going to the door, "Eddie open up the door. He hid to fire back without getting hit himself. It was his instinct…it was wrong but…"

"Daddy?" Mary called out. "Daddy, Mommy."

Jamie sighed going into the bedroom, "Hey. what's wrong honey?"

"Why you yelling?" she asked. "You and Mommy are."

"I'm sorry did we wake you up?" Jamie pulled the covers over her.

"No, I have to pee pee, Mary rubbed her eyes. "Heard you. Mommy was sad before, she cried."

Daddy made a mistake, but I want to try and make Mommy better. Come here, I'll help you."

Eddie heard Jamie taking Mary to the toilet, didn't he realize that they were needing to do that because of Danny? She looked at a picture of the family before Joey died. He was such a happy little boy, they had a special bond.

Jamie brought Mary back to bed and staying until she fell back asleep. "Love you," he whispered kissing her head.


	34. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jamie slept in Joey's room, letting Eddie have her space. She was up the next morning cooking breakfast, Jamie approached slowly.

"Morning Eddie that smells really good," Jamie smiled.

"Thanks," she replied. "Yours is on your plate. This is Mary's. She needs to see us at least pretending to be happy."

Jamie nodded "Thanks Eddie."

"Go on and get her, her eggs are going to get cold," Eddie directed. "We have to take her for her school records today and her therapy records."

Giving another nod Jamie went to get Mary helping her out of bed. "Mommy has breakfast for you."

"Daddy, when can I try to walk without my case?" she asked, referring to the brace she would probably use for life.

"I'm not sure honey we have to ask the doctor," Jamie replied.

Mary accepted that and they went to the table where Jamie and Eddie put on a good show for their daughter. "Are you coming with me today?"

"I sure am honey," Jamie replied.

"Thank you, Mommy," Mary settled at the table smiling. "Hmm eggs."

"Eggs are good for you," Eddie replied. "Chow down there, we are going by school and therapy today."

"Okay Mommy," Mary turned to start eating, she loved her mom's eggs.

"Eddie, can I speak to you a moment please?" Jamie asked in a light tone.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to bring her to school? It might be too hard for her."

"She'll be fine Jamie and she isn't staying we just have to get her records. I'm sure her principal would love to see her. "She doesn't have to go to class if she doesn't want."

Jamie nodded, "Oh Monday night Renzulli and some of the guys want to take us out and send us off so I said all right."

"That'll be nice," Eddie nodded, slowly looking back at Mary.

"Dad or Hailey can sit these two," Jamie replied. "Let's get ready to go we do have a busy day." Eddie agreed getting what they needed together while Mary finished breakfast.

The visit to the school went well, Mary saw her teacher and her principal. "We will all miss you," they told her. Mary looked up at her parents.

"You can always come back and visit honey," Eddie assured softly.

Mary nodded then, "No, I think I'm ready to go now. Bye, Mr. Hawkins"

"Bye sweetheart." Eddie helped Mary out wrapping an arm around her.

Jamie had to work the next couple days, so the next time the whole family was together was Sunday. It would be their last Sunday dinner and Jamie wanted all of them to go.

Jack and Sean ran over to hug their uncle once they arrived. "We're going to miss you."

"You guys come and see us," Jamie told them. "We will miss you too. We will all miss you too."

"We sure will and come back to visit us," Linda added walking over.

"Can I help?" Eddie asked, keeping both Mary and Bella close to her.

"No, we have it you relax," Erin said hearing her as she walked in.

Mary wanted to go off to play but Eddie held her close. "No, stay with Mommy," Eddie said firmly. "Mommy or Grandpa that's all."

Jamie sighed going in the kitchen to see his father.

"She won't let go of the girls," Jamie sighed. "As if nothing changed"

"But something did change and it'll take time for her to get used to that."

"I mean she is still like she was right after he..." Jamie replied. "She is holding both girls for dear life. It was stupid what Danny did but it was an accident, he didn't mean it and this won't change it."

"I know that Jamie but being a mother is different. Just give her time and she'll let go," Frank assured.

"When?" Jamie asked. This is our last dinner here for a long time, when is she going to let go?"

"That's not for me to say son," Frank shook his head.

The meal was quiet, Linda talked to Mary about her therapy. "Are you taking any steps?" she asked her niece.

"No, not yet we have to ask the doctor if it's okay," Mary looked at her mom for confirmation

"She takes steps in therapy but not alone and not without a lot of help," Eddie replied. "We have to keep her safe."

"By not taking steps how is that keeping her safe," Nikki replied.

"If she falls on the healing leg, she can undo the progress she's made," Jamie explained. "She can put weight on that leg now."

Nikki nodded quietly going back to her dinner. "When is she going to be better again?" Jack asked.

Danny jumped in there, "Soon," he told his son. He knew that Jamie and Eddie did not tell Mary her full prognosis she was too young to handle it.

Jack went back to his plate and Frank turned the talk to the move. "I'll be out there early next week to help you finish settling," Frank told them. "Taking over leadership like you'll be doing Jamie is no easy job."

"No it's not," Eddie replied. "And he'll have to focus on that and keep his eye on things at first, there's been tension between some of the younger people and their Amish neighbors, teasing, bullying and such, that the current Sheriff thinks Jamie can get in hand."

"If anyone can wrangle a bunch of unruly kids, it's Jamie," Erin agreed. "Kids love him."

Eddie had to agree to that, Jamie had a special way with all their children…all three of them.

While Erin and Linda readied dessert and Jamie spoke to Frank about the logistics of a move this size, Danny found Eddie in the den. She'd taken Bella and Mary in there to nap after Mary took her medicine.

"Eddie can we talk?" Danny asked. "Just for a minute."

Eddie turned around, standing instinctively in front of her sleeping children. "What is there to say?"

"For once and for all," Danny said. "I am sorry about what happened…that day when Joe…I loved that little boy too and I didn't…I am sorry, you need to move on. You and Jamie are about to move hours from here, before you move just accept my apology and things will be better."

She goes off, "Better for who Danny, you? I know they won't be better for us, not for my family, not for Joey! You just come in here and ask me that, you have no concept of the pain you caused my family, that includes Jamie! He misses Joey just like I do…"

Eddie's voice got Jamie's attention. He looked at Frank then hurried to the den to break up what he knew could go ugly and fast.

"Eddie," Jamie moved closer to his wife. She was angry, almost foaming at the mouth angry.

"Jamie, get the girls things, we are going!" Eddie told him. "We are going now!"

"Eddie," Jamie rubbed her arms. "Calm down, honey. What's going on?"

"I thought it would be a good time to talk to Eddie, to try to get some resolution but…"

"But nothing!" Eddie hissed. "This is your fault, my family is in shambles because of you and you have the nerve to come in here and tell me to move on and accept your apology! You can't apologize this away, you can't apologize my son out of his grave…"

"Eddie," Jamie said softly as he held onto her. "Eddie, he's right about holding onto this anger isn't going to bring Joey back. This is our family, all of these people together, including Danny. You need to let it go, you need to let the anger go!"

Eddie pushed Jamie off of her, "No! No, I don't have to let it go and I won't let it go. How dare you even suggest it?"

"Okay," Frank stepped in to cool things. Bella had woken with the raised voices and was crying in Frank's arm. "Let's just calm down. Danny, I know you wanted to say your piece, and that's admirable of you to stand up and take your blame, but remember this, I know the pain of losing a child and that is not something you can let go of easily. It's going to take time, you can't force it."

Eddie picked Mary up, she was still sound asleep from the medication. "I want to go home, are you taking us or are we calling an Uber?"

Jamie sighed, "I'm taking you. Put Mary in the car, I'll be right there."

Eddie was already halfway out the door.

"I'm sorry, Danny," Jamie told his brother. "She's not ready, and I don't know when she will be. I hate to be leaving things like this."

Danny nodded, "Well…I tried, I can't make her do anything she's not ready for. Take them home kid, I'll see you at the bon voyage tomorrow night."

Jamie headed out with Bella and put her carseat in. Eddie had her head pressed against the window, tears running out of her eyes.

"Eddie, look…"

"Don't…" Eddie said putting her hand up. "Don't even go there with me right now. You defended him to me…he got our boy killed and you defended him. I knew your priorities were screwed up but I didn't think you could betray Joe…I didn't think you could…I want to go home, take me home."

Jamie turned the car on and started for their apartment.


	35. Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

Eddie went straight to bed that night, not talking to Jamie anymore. She couldn't breathe, how could she speak? Jamie worked on packing up Mary's room, they had never even talked about what to do with Joey's room, they were moving in four days and they had to deal with it. Still, Jamie knew better than to go there with Eddie tonight.

He laid on his son's bed, curled up and closed his eyes, he saw his boy in his dreams, playing and happy…like he was until the day he died.

Jamie had to work Monday, Eddie was going to meet him at McCrory's for their bon voyage drinks with the guys. Frank came to babysit the girls as Eddie put the final touches on her make up. She looked beautiful, young and fit, she planned to have a good time and put on a good show for the other officers, no matter how strained things were between her and Jamie at the time.

Jamie met her outside the pub, "You look pretty," he smiled. "You ready? Renzulli and most of the guys are already here."

Jamie and Eddie stepped into the bar holding hands, showing their friends at least they were still a happily married couple. They made the first rounds together, but quickly broke off to their own groups of friends.

Eddie sat the bar stool with Kara Walsh, Annie Martin, and a few other of the ladies, enjoying margheritas and finger foods. Jamie was with McKenna, Renzulli, and some of the other guys enjoying pitchers of beer.

This wasn't the first time they had gone out together then separated a bit, they did it often when Eddie was still working. Jamie kept his eyes on Eddie, she looked happy in the midst of her friends, happier than she looked with him of late. He hated the unhappiness, but hoped that Pennsylvania would help erase some of that.

As the night unfolded, Jamie drank his fair share of beer, while Eddie nursed the one drink. She was going to be driving home that night, Jamie had taken a ride. When Eddie and the girls went over to the dart board, two young men followed them over and one of them pinched Eddie's behind.

She spun around to deal with it, but before she could react, Jamie was on him. "Get your hands off my wife!"

He pushed Eddie behind him, in a protective gesture that Eddie found strangely endearing. It was nice to have Jamie really standing up for her again.

"Hey, easy man," the man with the traveling hand said. "We were just having a little fun."

"Well, have it someplace else," Jamie warned. "She's my wife, she's not a toy.' He turned and looked at Eddie, "Stay by me, you've been putting it all out there in this outfit, there's no wonder. Come with me."

Eddie did what Jamie said for now, he was tipsy already and his mood foul. She stood by him and tried to get him to eat. Jamie refused though still aggravated with the advance and his drinking wasn't helping

"You will feel better if you do eat" Eddie suggested softly.

Jamie staggered to the Men's room to splash water on his face. When he came back all he could see was red

Steven was by Eddie's side, whispering something in his wife's ear. Eddie was telling Steven there was no need to apologize but he felt he needed to try. Jamie stormed across the bar seeing only Steven as his fists clenched at his side.

Jamie moved so quickly and quietly that it took the guys a few minutes to see what was going on. When they noticed he was about to hit this guy Renzulli and Danny grabbed him. "Get the Hell away from her, get away!"

"Calm down kid... hey take it easy... who is this guy?" As Danny tried to coax his brother out of beating the guy up Renzulli held on tight to Jamie. Eddie was frozen in horror.

"You bastard!" Jamie growled. "You stay away from her. You ruined my family, my marriage, my life! You ruined everything!"

"Jamie come on let's get some air he isn't worth it kid your brother is right," Renzulli easily held his former boot back gently guiding him away from Steven.

Eddie wanted to crawl in a hole and pull the earth in over her. Danny and Frank we're starting at her, she was humiliated.

Eddie finally met Frank's eyes, "Take him home with you, I don't want him to come home like this, let him sleep it off," she whispered, completely mortified. She walked past them towards the bar where Kara sat.

"You okay?" Her friend asked. "What was that about?"

"It's a long story and I really don't want to get into it here," Eddie admitted turning to the bar hoping that would stop the stares.

Danny put Jamie in the car and started for Frank's house. Did she really do what you implied she did?

"Yeah Danny she did…so on top of everything else," Jamie bit his lip forcing himself to stop the anger. "My marriage is falling apart and she's blaming me but it isn't just me."

"No, it's me," Danny sighed. "The pain I caused, I am so sorry Jamie. I'm so sorry."

"It isn't you Danny what she did was a choice she made that choice."

"You know that's not really true," Frank replied. "You know it's a symptom of your loss."

Jamie shook his head quickly forcing a sick feeling. "No it isn't."

"Yes, it is," Frank replied. "Trust me on this...let's go home for now Danny." Danny nodded slowly getting quiet keeping an eye on Jamie.

Eddie went home alone. She was mortified that Jamie had aired their dirty laundry in front of everyone. She went to soak in the tub needing some quiet time to reflect. Then girls were sound asleep.

Eddie covered her face and began to cry.

When Jamie got up the next morning, his head was throbbing, and his body ached. Frank was sitting downstairs waiting for him with a cup of coffee. "Call your wife," Frank told him. "Tell her you'll be home soon and you're sorry for outing your secret in public."

Jamie sighed, "I'm sorry for that, yes. I never wanted anyone to know but seeing that man near her. She was vulnerable and sad, and he took advantage, we called him a friend."

"There's no doubt that she was wrong," Frank replied. "That she made a mistake but there's a lot of reasons for that I'm sure you know."

"I do,' Jamie replied. "I do know that and I did try to protect her a little bit more from you and Danny. I'm so sorry that I did that, but I can't look at that man and not see her with him. I get so angry and I cannot see how I can be with her like a husband now. I just can't see it."

"One step at a time," Frank replied. 'You are moving in three days, you have to focus on that and when you are in a new environment, things will be better. Take it from me, things can get better, the new scenery, the time just for the two of you, it will get better. Now go home, and work with your wife like a partner, the rest of it will fix itself in time."

Jamie nodded and headed home in a cab. When he got home, Eddie was on the telephone with Mrs. Gillis down the hall. Her little boy was just about Joey's age and she wanted him to have the nearly brand new little boy bedroom. "I need to know a little boy is enjoying this room, that someone is living in this room." That would bring her at least a little bit of peace."

"I'll help you bring it down," Eddie replied. "I'm glad it's going to you."

"What's going to who?" Jamie asked when Eddie hung up.

"Joey's bedroom set and the comforter and all, I'm giving it to little Luke down the hall. He's three and they don't have much money. He and Joey played nicely together a few times. It's nice that he'll have it."

Jamie bit his lip…this was making it all too real.

"Eddie, we really need to talk," Jamie said, not speaking up about the bed. It was just too painful. "I'm so sorry about last night. I had too much to drink and when I saw that man with you…I imagined you in his arms, getting him…"

"I know," Eddie replied. "I know, I'm still living down my mistake and now all our friends and our family know!"

"That was wrong," Jamie replied. "I lost my temper and I never should have…"

Eddie took a long breath. "Jamie, all we seem to be able to do is hurt each other, say we are sorry, then start things again. This was my sin and I need to take the consequences if that means publicly I'm willing to do that, I was wrong, you know it, now they know it."

Jamie nodded his agreement, "Still, I shouldn't have said anything. It was between us, it's our issue as husband and wife, and I never should have mentioned…being drunk was no excuse."

"No, it wasn't, but as I said it's my sin," Eddie replied. "I have a suggestion, we have four and a half months left on this agreement, let's get through that and decide… I'll continue on with the rest of the six months if you want to do that if not I'm ready to call it when you are."

Eddie went back to her work, letting Jamie chew on those words.

As she packed, her head spun. All of this started with Danny's request that Jamie pick him up when his car died. That was a terrible mistake, a fatal mistake and yes, she held onto her anger at Jamie for a bit, but she did forgive him. This came from her anger, it came from her pain, it had nothing to do with her love for her husband or her attraction, but Jamie couldn't grasp that, or didn't want to. That confused her, if she could forgive him the loss of their precious son, surely he could let go of this…she would have…she would not let one mistake, death or infidelity ruin the love of her life. Perhaps she wasn't the love of his life, perhaps it was as one-sided as it had always been.

"You need some help?" Jamie asked as he watched Eddie carefully fold up some of Joey's clothes and put them in a box. "He loved that Thomas Train shirt."

Eddie nodded and put that in a small pile on the bed. "Yeah he did, and his little sneakers too. He was so cute. He was such a joyful little boy, the light of my life."

"The light of all our lives," Jamie replied. "He was a doll baby and I miss him too."

"I know you do," Eddie replied. "I know you do."

"What are you going to do with the remaining clothing and things that weren't special to him or to us? Charity?"

"No," Eddie replied. "I'm giving them all to little Luke, they really don't have much and this will help so much…"

"That's very sweet." Together they silently packed the rest of the boxes. "I'm just going to run these thigs down I'll be right back."

Jamie nodded as Eddie headed off. He saw that she forgot a box so he grabbed it and followed her down the hall. He saw her hugging Luke's mother and pressed against the wall as not to interrupt their talk.

"I am so grateful to you for all of these nice things," he heard her say. There has to be something I can do for you in return."

Eddie took a deep breath, this would be hard to say. "There is something you can do, something very important to me. Do you have a piece of paper?"

Eddie stepped inside and Jamie moved closer, he wanted to hear her request, he was compelled by it.

"This is the gravesite number for Joey's grave. If you could go there on these dates, his birthday and the day that he…Please visit him on those days, I won't be able to always come here and I don't want my little boy to think I forgot…" Eddie's voice broke and Luke's mother held her tight.

"Of course I will," she promised. "Of course I will."

Jamie began to cry as he heard Eddie's request. She was suffering so, as much as he was, they just couldn't find their way back to the way it was before. Perhaps Pennsylvania would help, distance would help, but there was the aching chance they would never get back to before…and that scared him. A lot.

Jamie hurried back to the apartment, he didn't want Eddie to know he heard. He moved to Mary's room where she was playing on her bed. Most of her room was packed up. Mary was happily making her doll dance. "Daddy?" she asked softly.

"What sweetie?" Jamie asked. "You okay?"

"Yes," Mary replied. "Daddy, we are going away to Pennsylvania and I won't see my dance friends again. Can I please go to the dance school and say bye to them?"

Jamie did not want this, he did not want her to go there and have to answer all those questions about possibly never being able to dance again. Still, one look at her sweet innocent face, her eyes so wide, he knew he couldn't deny her on his feelings alone. "I'll talk to mommy and see if we have time to go, all right?"

Mary nodded, "Okay. Look at this dolly…she's a ballerina."

Jamie sat on the bed to play dolls with Mary. Eddie came back into the apartment and saw Jamie with Mary making her doll do a pirouette. He was a good father, he loved his kids with all of his heart, she knew he suffered too, just like she did, but he was insisting on making her suffer for her mistake, not just for the loss.

Eddie stepped into the room and on impulse slid her arms around Jamie, "You're a good father." Those words went straight to his heart.


	36. Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Five

Eddie consented to the trip to the dancing school for the next day for Mary to say goodbye. One of the last steps before they could close the chapter on their lives in New York and either start new or end up…

"I don't want to go in my chair, Daddy," Mary told Jamie as they pulled up to the dance school. "I don't want my friends to see me in it."

"Honey, you can't go on your leg yet," Eddie explained. "Do you want Daddy to carry you?"

Mary pouted, "Why can't it be like I do in therapy, with my case and my sticks?"

Jamie sighed, 'You aren't strong enough yet on the crutches, buttons. Come on, we'll cover your legs with the pretty blanket with the ballet shoes on it."

Mary pouted in frustration while Jamie put her ballet shoes blanket on. "There we go, Buttons."

Mary nodded and Eddie pushed her pink wheelchair into the dancing school and over to her class.

The kids ran over seeing them walk in taking turns giving her hugs.

"When are you coming back to dance?" they all wanted to know. Mary looked up at her parents, "Well," she began softly. "I'm not going to dance here because we are going to move away."

The kids gave her a sad look following with more hugs and promises of exchanging numbers

"We'll miss you, Mary," said Miss Sandy "You keep dancing honey."

"Thank you Miss Sandy I'm going to miss all of you," Mary said

Eddie saw her daughter's emotions were beginning to creep up. She stepped in to remove her from the situation. "Come on honey, let's go get some hot dogs."

Mary waved bye to all her friends and teacher wiping at her face while they left

"Can we really get a hot dog?" Mary asked. "Or was that to get us to leave?"

Eddie laughed, "You are too smart missy wonder why? We can get a hot dog if you want."

"I don't know if I'll miss them," she replied. "My dance friends, they kept touching me."

"They were just glad to see you honey," Eddie told her.

"I don't like it," Mary replied. "Stings my legs." Jamie and Eddie looked at each other, that was a new symptom and a good sign.

"Let's get a hot dog and relax," Eddie offered

Jamie carried Mary for the hot dog and sat her on the park bench. "What's the first thing that you want to do when we get to our new house?" Eddie asked.

Mary thought about that for a minute, "I want to see the whole house."

"The whole house?" Eddie asked. "What do you mean honey?"

"Do we have a basement too? And a backyard?" Mary was getting excited

"We have a storm cellar," Jamie replied. "Not a basement like grandpa has and we have a huge yard, with a swing and a slide and a big porch to play on. You will have so much fun!"

Mary's eyes lit up eating a little more. "It sounds really nice I can't wait."

"Neither can we baby," Jamie replied. He put all his hope now on this move, Eddie, it was clear had no hope left.

"Well, that is the last of it," Jamie announced as he placed the final box of items Eddie did not trust the movers with into the U-Haul van.

Eddie stepped over with Bella and Mary. She had Bella in her backpack oblivious to the major changes coming in her life. Mary sat in her small, pink wheelchair waiting for Jamie to put her in the car. "Can I see out the window, Daddy?"

"You bet you can, princess," Jamie replied. "You'll see horses, cows, maybe sheep..."

Jamie carefully lifted the little girl and put her in the booster seat. "You comfy?" Eddie asked. "No pains?"

Mary shook her head and looked over at Bella who busily kicked and sucked on her pacifier.

Mary reached over and rubbed the baby's foot. "You ready Bella? We are going on a big trip called moving."

Bella cooed around her paci, she had no idea that her family was uprooting itself, that her mother refused to sit at a table with her uncle and godfather anymore, or that her Mommy and Daddy cried themselves to sleep each night. In a way, baby Bella was the most blessed of the all the Reagans.

Just before Jamie shut the doors, the rest of the Reagan family pulled up. Eddie stiffened and moved closer to her girls. "He's not going to hurt them," Jamie sighed. "Let him say goodbye, you don't have to talk to him. Go back inside and just take a few minutes. Mary and Bella don't understand, let them say goodbye to everyone. Go inside."

Eddie went inside to do one last look around before they left. She looked out the window and watched Frank stand over her girls, he would see them in a week, it was just hard to watch them leave.

When the family had said their goodbyes, Eddie came back out. She had some snacks for Mary and a juice bottle for Bella. Frank was the only one left when Eddie came out. He enveloped her in a large hug. "I'll miss you," he whispered. "I love you as if you were my own. You're the strength of this family, hold it together."

"I will try," Eddie replied. "I'll try my best. You still coming out next week?"

"Yes," Frank replied smiling. "I can't wait to see the new house and these girls again. Love you honey."

"Love you too, Dad," Eddie replied and got into the U-Haul with Jamie. Frank would bring out her car when he came to visit, Jamie's was being trailed behind the truck.

Frank watched as his family pulled away from the curb to start their new life.

Both the girls fell asleep on the drive. "I'm going to wake Mary when we get closer so she can look out. We'll have to put in a few ramps for her so she can go in and out of the house and out to the porch. I didn't think of that."

Jamie nodded, "I'll do that tomorrow before I go to the office. I'll get things done for the family and the community. It's just us now, you and me and the girls."

Eddie was happy about that. It was about time that they were first on Jamie's list, not behind Danny, Erin, even Frank. If they had been first, Joey might be alive, but Danny was first then, and the ultimate price was paid.

Jamie was good driving most of the way only stopping once for a rest and to stretch. As they got closer Eddie reached back tapping Mary

"Honey, wake up and look," she whispered. "We're almost home, look there are cows, you see them?"

Mary was still sleepy but woke up seeing the cows. "Oh wow look Mommy there's so many!"

"Yes, there are lots of them right?" Eddie smiled. "We have some right next door to our house."

"Really? Do we get to milk them too?" Mary sat up watching.

"I'm sure there is a place we can go for you to learn to milk a cow" Jamie replied. "They have petting farms and things all around here." An Amish buggy came towards them on the road. Mary's' eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"A buggy like they used to ride in the old days? Really." she tried to sit up more for a better view

"Yes," Jamie replied. "These people are called Amish, and they have farms, use horses and buggies, they even dress differently and don't use cars, phones or anything."

"Wait, if they don't have a phone Daddy, how do they tell someone if they need something?"

"Well they go visit each other or they write a letter to each other," Jamie replied. "Look there! Another one!"

Mary looked out the window completely taken in by this new life.

They pulled up to their house ten minutes later, "here it is." Eddie smiled at Mary. "Home sweet home"

"Wow this is our house," Mary could barely contain herself eager to go check it out

"Jamie took Mary out and carried her and the chair up the steps. They were surprised to see two buggies approaching the house as they parked the van.

Eddie and Jamie looked back, each holding one daughter.

"Good morning," Levi approached. "We wanted to come and welcome you officially to the community. These are some of your neighbors, Ida and Samuel Garber, Rachel and John Lapp, and Faith Brooks, she's your English neighbor on the back end."

"Thanks, it's nice to meet you all. I'm Jamie, this is my wife Eddie, and our girls Mary and Bella."

"We have something for Mary," John smiled. "We heard about her difficulty from Sheriff Paul and we know that she needed help." Samuel pulled out two ramps from the back of the large wagon. "Built to last."

Eddie smiled, "That was so sweet of you, thank you so much."

"We'll install them and get you moved in," Levi smiled. Bella began to fuss, she was hungry and needed to eat.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry. It was a long ride for her," Eddie bounced the baby, carrying her inside to eat.

"Oh, of course," Rachel smiled. "It will only take a few minutes to get the ramps up and you just rest and relax, we will help you get things set up."

"That's nice of you, thanks," Mary stared at them shyly taking in the Amish folk.

The men and Jamie had the ramps in place in fifteen minutes. "Come one little one, check them out," Faith invited.

Mary looked up at her father, slowly testing the ramp, smiling brightly.

"Look Daddy! I can go by myself..." Her eyes, and her heart, lit up.

"Good job baby," Jamie smiled turning to the neighbors. "This made her so happy I can't thank you enough."

"She's a precious child and you are our neighbor now, we want you to feel welcome."

Jamie smiled, "we do thanks." He couldn't express how it felt to see Mary smile again

"Please come in," Eddie invited them. "I don't have anything to offer yet but..." "Oh, don't worry about that," Faith replied. 'We have milk, lemonade, fried chicken...Come let's get you home."

The men folk helped Jamie move some of the big items inside rather than wait for the movers while the women helped Eddie get the house ready.

Mary waited for her father whispering, "They eat like we do."

"Of course, honey," Jamie replied. "Everyone eats..." He kissed her head. "Go on to Mommy, I don't want you to get hurt." The new furniture would be delivered the next day and the moving van would arrive then too, Jamie, Eddie, and their new neighbors had all their personal items unloaded and unpacked in under three hours.

Jamie and Eddie enjoyed getting to know their neighbors talking for hours until it grew late.

"I'll come around in a few days," Faith promised. She was the youngest on the welcome wagon. "I'll bring my girls to play with your Mary and we can get your more settled."

"That sounds great come by and we can make a play date," Eddie agreed.

The two wagons left and Jamie stood back with Eddie. "Have you ever seen anything like that?" he asked. She shook her head, "Not even the NYPD is that organized."

"Welcome home Eddie this is the start," Jamie said closing the door behind

Eddie got out the blow up bed they were going to use that night for a sort of family campout. "It is...How do you like the house Mary?" Mary had rolled all around her new house, checking out her room. It was a ranch, so she could do it by herself.

"Mommy this house is so cool!" The light reflected in Mary's excited eyes

"We hoped you'd like it honey," Eddie replied. "It's time for your bath, okay? Then we'll do your stretches and all sleep in the living room until our beds come tomorrow, won't that be fun?"

"Kind of like camping out. Can you help me with the pajamas Mommy?"

"Of course I can, honey," Eddie replied. "Daddy's going to finish making up the bed and change Bella while we do your legs okay? Hold onto Mommy."

Mary held on going with Eddie while Jamie finished then tended to their youngest

"You like the house, Bella Bug?" he asked tickling her tummy. She cooed and giggled out loud, she was such a happy girl, Jamie was glad she was flourishing

He got her changed and rocked to sleep by the time Eddie and Mary returned

Eddie put Mary's pjs on and she happily pulled out two candles from the small pocket of her jeans. "We should wish and blow, Mommy. Joey would be so happy and he'd want us to make a wish..." Mary held her candle out and blew, "I wish we are all happy here."

Eddie smiled with tears in her eyes, "That is so sweet honey, I wish the same thing

Jamie moved closer to his girls, holding them close. He and Eddie simultaneously blew the imaginary flame to seal their wish.

Jamie laid on the bed moving an arm around them. Eddie was stiff as a board in his arms.

"You okay Eddie?"

"Fine" she replied biting down hard. He would never understand, he just wasn't able to get it.

Jamie knew she wasn't fine that she was holding back from him

"Mary didn't mean to make you cry," Jamie whispered.

Eddie turned over to him, "Mary didn't make me cry you did, because you can't find it in your heart to forgive me."

Jamie had tears of his own running down his cheeks. "When are we going to stop making each other sad?"

"I don't know Jamie," Eddie lay back down facing away from him.

Jamie sighed, tomorrow he could worry about this, he had to work and start his new job.

He fell into a very light sleep that night having a lot on his mind.


	37. Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty-Six

Eddie got up to fix Jamie's coffee, breakfast, and lunch...she was determined to provide home care services for him and their girls until time ran out or he pulled the plug. Jamie woke to the smell of breakfast, shuffling into the kitchen. "Morning."

"Morning. We have so much food already, I just have to go and get cereal and stuff for Mary and Bella"

"Sure it smells great," Jamie walked up behind Eddie for a hug.

She stiffened again. "Jamie, why are you doing this? Holding me, trying to cuddle with me?"

"That's what married people do Eddie I love you your my best friend."

She sucked in a breath, "what changed between the other night and now?"

"Nothing Eddie I stand by what I said we need to stop making each other sad and build each other up."

She nodded then turned to him, "All right, Sheriff Reagan. You be safe and smart today. Are you home for dinner?"

"Yeah I should be," Jamie nodded. "And I promise to be safe."

Eddie nodded and started to get things ready for Bella's feed. She would let Mary sleep as long as she could before starting the day.

Jamie felt nervous as he stepped into his new office. He wanted his wife by his side but knew that wasn't possible

Donald greeted him with a smile and handshake taking Jamie back to his office. "Are you ready for your first day?"

"More than ready," Jamie smiled. "We feel so welcome here already. Is there anything pending now that needs my attention?"

"Sounds like you're ready…no nerves?" David gave him a smile offering Jamie a seat.

They went over a few of the open cases then Sheriff Paul stood up. "It's all yours now, Sheriff Reagan. You'll do great things I know."

"Thank you very much sir," Jamie stood and shook hands with him.

Jamie sat behind the desk then looked out at all the deputies. There were only six per shift. It was such a change from the NYPD he thought watching them work.

He dug into the files surprised to see how many involved crimes he had.

One of the deputies walked over to the desk smiling. "Hey, you're Jamie Reagan, the new sheriff."

"Yes, Deputy Hall, good to see you. Perhaps you can shed some light on these open cases."

"Sure Sheriff," Hall took a seat catching him up on the cases without glancing at any files

"These are all Amish Vic's," he replied. "They won't press charges or testify so they stay open."

Jamie sighed, "Okay, no blood or any other evidence? Fingerprints? Hair?"

"No," he replied. "These are basic assaults, beard trimming, hair cutting, no one is really hurt, just their pride." Jamie sorted through the pictures nodding as he looked over the files.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Eddie was getting the girls ready to go to the store. "Mary I can do that for you," Eddie said picking Bella up

"I can Mommy, I help you with Bella, remember when she got born and you said I was the big helper?"

"You are a really great helper honey," Eddie smiled. "Thank you." Mary got in her chair by herself and was down the ramp before Eddie locked the door. Faith had written down the name of a few Amish run grocery stores, Eddie headed for the nearest one. The Beilers.

Mary looked out the window the entire time amazed at the new scenery. "Mommy look."

"What, baby?" she asked as they drove slowly.

"Look there, it's a huge field and they have animals!"

"Yes they do! What are all those animals? Can you name them?"

"I see a horse and they have a cow too a lot of cows."

"Yes..." Eddie smiled. "Smart girl!" They pulled up to the grocery and saw several buggies along with cars.

"Wow Mommy those are the buggies they look so fun."

"We can see about getting a ride in one when we are done getting settled. The moving men are coming later with your bed and Mommy and Daddy's new furniture?"

Mary smiled happily as Eddie put her in her seat, watching an Amish couple walk out. "Mommy look."

Eddie smiled at them, "Mrs. Reagan, we are the Kings, I'm sorry we couldn't come meet you yesterday." Eddie was surprised they knew her.

"It's all right nice to meet you. These are my daughters Mary and Bella," Eddie smiled.

They smiled at Mary and Bella "So precious. You come and see us we live three farms over from your house."

"Thank you we will it was great meeting you," Eddie smiled.

Eddie got all the items they needed and was happy to see Faith behind the counter. "Hey how are you?"

"Hi Faith adjusting well how are you? Say hi Mary," Eddie encouraged.

"Hi," Mary smiled. "Mommy..." She was starting to go at her leg.

"Is your leg hurting again? We're almost done honey."

"Hurts..." Mary whimpered. "That bed was no good."

"Oh honey I'm sorry, your new bed is coming today," Eddie soothed.

Faith smiled at Mary and reached to touch her little hand. She said a prayer and rubbed the top of her head. "I'll come later to help?"

Eddie smiled, "that is very kind of you thank you."

"Around 3," she smiled. "See you then, take this sweet girl home. Eddie thanked her again taking their bags and pushing the chair

The movers brought their furniture from New York and the new furniture was delivered. Eddie set up Jamie's things in the second largest room, keeping Bella in the master with her.

Mary watched the furniture coming in by a lot of people. She turned to look out the window sighing.

Eddie was always in tune with her children, "What is it Mary? Are you sleepy?"

"A little Mommy, my leg is kind of annoying and I want to see more."

"See more?" Eddie asked. "You can see well from this window can't you?"

"Yeah but it's the same thing. I want to see what else is here"

"We will honey," Eddie promised. "Do you want to rock Bella to sleep for me?"

"Okay Mommy," Mary agreed holding her arms at the ready.

Eddie settled her on the couch with her leg up and Bella in her arms. Bella felt more like playing than sleeping and tried to grab Mary's hair and nose, cooing as she went

"No, Bella its time for a nap, Mommy said so. Close your eyes and go to sleep I'm right here," Mary said

Mary rocked gently and finally the baby went to sleep. At 3, the bell rang and it was Faith and Rachel.

"Come on in," Eddie smiled letting them in.

"Oh my you have made this so nice already," Faith smiled then looked at the photograph wall. "Oh, your little boy..."

"Yeah that's Joe," Eddie turned away from the picture. "Can I offer you anything?"

"Water or lemonade," they replied. "We are so sorry for your loss. We are praying for you and all those involved in this."

"Thank you we really appreciate it, please sit down," Eddie went to get them drinks

They started to talk, and Eddie was surprised at their warmth. "We have had our share of tragedy, make no mistake."

"I'm sorry to hear that too," Eddie told her sincerely.

""We are here for you," Faith told her softly. "You are not alone, not at all."

Eddie smiled, "that's really nice to know thanks."

"On Sunday, this is a church Sunday, but afterward there is a meal at my sister's house. Would you and Jamie come with your girls?"

"Sure, we'd love to what time should we be there? Is there anything I can bring?"

"Just yourselves," Faith smiled. "Come around 1. We'll be so glad to have you."

Eddie smiled feeling good around them. "We'll be there thanks."

Eddie saw the ladies out, they had the house nearly perfect before they left. Eddie saw so far ahead she was able to get the girls a good bath and put them in bed before Jamie got home.

"Love you Mommy," Mary whispered sleepy eyed as she got in bed

"Love you too, baby," Eddie replied. She propped pillows all around Mary's leg and kissed her head softly. "Come on Bella, girl, night night time."

Mary had her eyes closed and was asleep within minutes of being tucked in.


	38. Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Eddie was waiting for Jamie when he got home. He was tired and walking slowly. She got up and poured him a drink and set his dinner on the table. His partner still. "Hey, how did the first day go?"

"It was okay. I caught up on some cases that are still open and don't seem to be closing any time soon."

"No evidence? No witnesses?" Eddie asked sitting down across from him. "Both," he replied. "The Amish do not believe in pressing charges or anything."

"Ah, what are you going to do?" Eddie asked watching him carefully.

"Well, first I need to earn their trust," Jamie replied. "Then perhaps I can talk to a few of the more recent cases and get them to at least ID a perp."

Eddie nodded, "How else was it, working with the deputies?

"It was good, I met most of them before and the others are very nice. It's so different and I missed you there with me." He looked at her hands on the table. "Can I hold your hand?"

Eddie looked at him for a minute before moving her hand closer. "Yeah, everyone is really nice. Faith came over before to help me finish moving in."

Jamie smiled, "We are going to do well here, it's going to be okay, and I can feel it. What else did you do today?"

"Took the girls to the shop and met more neighbors. It's amazing how nice everyone is."

"You're nice," he replied kissing her hand. "You deserve nice. This dinner is good, did you cook this?"

"Kind of, I had a little help from our new friends," Eddie smiled.

"Well, it's good.' Jamie replied and stood up. "I'm beat, did the bed arrive?" He had no idea, yet, that he had his own room.

"Yeah I uh set your bedroom up by Mary so we can take turns getting up if she needs us."

"My bedroom?" Jamie's eyebrows crawled into his head. "I thought we would..." he began. Eddie continued. "I have Bella with me. I'll show you the bed I got you, it's a very nice set."

"Eddie wait explain to me please why. I thought we were working things out."

"We are," she replied. "And right now, this is part of that. We need our space. I think you'll like this bed..." She showed him to the room next to Mary and across from her. It was set up nicely, but it was not beside her. Jamie took a breath, he was losing her, and he knew it. He had to get a grip on this and work this out. He had to..."All right," he conceded. "It's a very nice room, if you need space...Can I kiss you good night?"

"Of course, you can," Eddie replied. "If you'd like."

Jamie took her hands in his slowly leaning in letting their lips meet gently

Jamie cupped her cheeks and held her tight. He put a lot of feeling into his kiss, letting her sense his love, that he was trying, that he missed her. Eddie returned the tender affection, but she was still hesitant. She planned to run out the clock on this, to wait until it was time and accept the fact their marriage was another casualty of the firefight.

When he pulled back Jamie stared into her eyes, "I love you Eddie, get some rest okay?"

She nodded, "I'll have your breakfast ready..." She turned on her heel and went to the master bedroom. She could feel Jamie's eyes on her as she left him standing there.

That was how things went for the next few days. Their relationship was businesslike, friendly, but the husband and wife team was almost gone. Eddie would get meals, do laundry, help Jamie with any task he needed but the passion and the connection was just not there.

Jamie saw that, trying whenever he was home to bring back what they had when they first met.

Sunday came quickly. The night before Mary had been up and down with a jumping leg and cramps. She was tired when they arrived at Faith's Sunday meal, holding onto her Daddy's' neck.

Jamie held his daughter shaking hands with the neighbors trying to push everything else aside

"Hello, Mary," Faith smiled. "These are my daughters Hannah and Lida...and my son Jacob. Would you like to play with them?" Mary shook her head and held onto her father.

"Sorry she didn't sleep last night, she had a lot of pain," Jamie explained softly.

"If you go and see Ida, she might have something that can help that. Perhaps the bed too,' Faith suggested. "Do you want to lie down, Mary? We have a nice soft bed in Hannah's room."

"Yes please I'm a little tired and my leg hurts," Mary said turning her head to look at Faith

"Thank you," Jamie replied and followed Faith into the house. He laid Mary down and Faith built a small box around her leg. "This will keep it still so she can rest. You close your eyes, little one. You can play later."

"Thank you. Daddy will you stay?" Mary asked falling asleep before she could finish asking

Jamie sat with her a few minutes, then got up and went back out to socialize keeping one eye trained on his finally peaceful daughter.

The Amish children were interested in Bella. She adorable but just very different from their babies. Eddie was happy to let two 8 year old girls hold and snuggle her while Jamie was helping Mary inside.

"Your kids are really sweet," Eddie smiled watching them carefully hold the baby.

They smiled "She is a nice baby..." Eddie spied Faith coming out of the house. She felt so welcome and not at all alone.

"Thanks she really is usually a happy baby." Eddie smiled at Faith.

They settled down by the other ladies, Eddie smiling. "Eddie I want to invite you to our grief group. Many of us have has losses over the years and we meet and talk about that and I think you might benefit.

Eddie gave a small nod, "I would definitely like to give it a try when and where do you meet?"

"We rotate houses like church and we meet every other Sunday. Non church Sunday so next Sunday will be the first. It's plain to see you and Jamie both still grieve but this group is just for ladies."

Eddie smiled, this felt right, and this felt good. She was making new friends and perhaps she could feel more at peace...at least with this part of her life.

Once Mary was asleep Jamie joined the husbands in another room. They were speaking in their language but changed when Jamie sat down. "What happened to your little one?"

Jamie sighed, "She was injured when someone shot at us."

"Violence is so prevalent in the English world," Samuel sighed. "Our girls, some of our girls we're murdered here years ago.

"I'm sorry to hear that. We lost our boy, it's been really hard."

"We sent him to the Lord for his judgement, It is so important you forgive even the ones who do you wrong," Samuel replied.

"That's a really hard concept. Everything changed after it happened," Jamie sighed

"Yes," Amos nodded. "Things do change, they do. But we should turn it over to God and let him guide us."

"My family is religious having grown up in the Catholic Church so I understand."

"Then you know you must turn inside and find the strength to let go of the anger and the hate...And embrace..." Levi replied. ,"We can help."

"There is a difference between mourning and carrying hate," Rachel told Eddie as the ladies settled.

Eddie sighed she had carried hate for Danny and Jamie since it happened

She teared up, "I can't help it. I forgive Jamie, but I can't forgive his brother Danny, I just can't."

"That is something that we can talk about," Rachel said softly. Eddie nodded she didn't think it would matter.

The week went quickly. Eddie found herself spending a lot of time with Faith and her children. Mary's new bed was delivered by the hay wagon and set up. She slept much better.

On Friday, Frank came to visit, see them eager and the new house.

"Grandpa!" Mary was so happy to see him. Frank scooped her up and hugged her.

She hugged him tight, "We missed you so much."

"I missed you too, this is a very nice house," Frank smiled. "How are you doing?"

"Good can I show you the house Grandpa," Mary asked

"You bet!" Frank loved how alive Mary was here. She was so happy to be able to get around. "And this is where Mommy and Bella sleep."

"Oh does Daddy sleep in a different room," Frank asked following Mary.

"Yes," she replied. "Mommy got him a bed for it. He sleeps here and Mommy there, not like before."

"Oh I didn't know. What do you think about that?" Frank asked

"I don't know," she replied "Mommy cries in her bed and Daddy too. They are so sad, God didn't hear me."

"Why do you think He didn't hear you honey," Frank asked softly

"Cause I said I wanted everyone to be happy, I wished it and we blew on the candle, but he didn't hear. No one is happy but Bella." Mary sniffled.

Frank scooped her up in his arms giving a big hug. "Are you happy here Mary?"

She nodded, "yes but I want us to all be. I don't want them to divorce and have two houses."

Frank nodded he was glad he chose to come, he had work to do.


	39. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty-Eight

After a hearty dinner at the Plain and Fancy farm, Frank treated the family to a night at Hershey.

Mary's eyes widened looking around at all the attractions. "Look Mommy."

"I see honey," Eddie smiled. "Do you want to go in the chocolate world ride?"

"Yes please Mommy can we get some chocolate too to take home," Mary asked.

"If you are a very good girl," Eddie replied. "A very good girl."

"I will be Mommy I promise," Mary said.

Mary was an angel. They rode on the chocolate world car, "I want to go with Grandpa and Bella...and you and Daddy go."

"Okay honey go with Grandpa," Eddie watched them go.

Jamie handed her into the car, "She is so happy."

"Yeah she is it's so good to see her smiling," Eddie agreed getting in with Jamie.

As they rode, Jamie raised his arm and put it around Eddie.

Eddie looked at him offering a smile and leaned in closer

They were both making an effort, but it just wasn't taking, it wasn't working. By the time they got off the ride, they pulled apart.

"Mommy did you see? Wasn't that fun," Mary called to her as they got off

"Yes, it was fun," Eddie smiled. "And I think you earned some chocolate candy."

Mary's eyes lit up, "Thank you Mommy," she squealed receiving a smile from Frank.

They got a few bags of candy and a cotton candy to share. Mary wanted a ride on the Ferris Wheel, so Eddie, Bella, and Frank sat down to wait. "How are you sweetheart?"

"I'm okay adjusting to the new house and neighborhood," Eddie smiled

"I saw the ramps and the new bed, looks like you are making quiet an impression already," Frank smiled. "But you seem so sad.

"The neighbors helped a lot everyone is so helpful and genuine," Eddie smiled

"But something is still..." Frank sighed. "You know I hold no ill will toward you for making that mistake. I know what the pain of such a loss can do."

"I'm sure you do but it wasn't your fault what happened to your son Joe. On the other hand, our Joey was so young," Eddie shook her head.

"It wasn't your fault either," Frank replied. "And neither was what happened with that man. You were in pain, you were angry and you made a mistake," Frank assured.

Eddie sighed, "Jamie can't forgive me, he can't and the marriage is over, I know it's over. I'm just holding on as long as he'll let me."

"No honey it isn't over until you both give up on each other. You still have time," Frank said

"I love him so much, but he moved out that night and even the one time we tried to be intimate with each other, he couldn't do it. He stopped and we both cried...it was awful."

"You both need to work on it, if only one of you does…it won't work," Frank said. "And keep working on it whatever it takes."

"I want to, Frank," Eddie replied. "I really do, but Jamie won't forgive or even forget and I can't keep fighting a losing battle. I'm too tired. I'm just too tired."

"And can you forgive him for the mistake he made?" Frank asked softly.

"I have," Eddie said quickly. "I have forgiven Jamie, I know he was between a rock and a hard place. I have no anger against Jamie anymore for Joey's death." Frank knew by the tone of her voice that was true.

Frank bought the candy for the whole family, both girls fell asleep in the car.

Frank smiled at his granddaughters, "They had a great time, did you two?"

"It was nice," Eddie replied as she picked up the baby and went inside. "Mary was so happy." But Frank knew better, he planned to talk to Jamie.

He let them settle the kids, nonchalantly finding Jamie. "You have a really nice house here."

"Thanks," Jamie replied. "Tomorrow I'll show you the Sheriff's office and you can meet some people. Eddie is fast friends with our neighbor Faith and many of the Amish people.

"That's good for her to have friends here too just as important to make her feel welcome."

Jamie nodded, "Yes..." He sat down by Frank. "Go on and say it. You don't like that Eddie and I sleep in separate rooms."

"How did you know I knew," Frank smiled at his son.

"The look on your face speaks volumes," Jamie replied. "I moved out of our room when Eddie slept with that guy from the grief group. All I can see of them, you know?"

Frank offered him a smile, "yes I do but she is your wife Jamie you must work it out and get past that."

"I can't..." Jamie sighed. "Now I am trying, I didn't ask for separate rooms here. I thought things would be different. I guess she hasn't forgiven me yet."

"Both of you made mistakes and trust me I've made quite a few myself with mom we all do."

"You didn't get your son killed and mom didn't sleep with another man," Jamie sighed.

"No but it doesn't matter what we did your mother and I talked and forgave. Your mom didn't but I feel responsible for Joe."

"It's not the same thing, Joe was not three..." Jamie sighed. "Eddie only did what she did because she hates me. She can't forgive me.

"I get it losing a child is the hardest thing and no one wants to go through it but find a way to get through it."

"How Dad? How do I do that? I'm losing her. I can try to survive one day at a time without Joey, but losing my Eddie...I can't do that Dad, I don't know how to fix it."

Frank took a deep breath, "I know it's really daunting for you, Jamie. I know it for Eddie too. I think you are holding onto all this anger, not just at Eddie, but also at you. Think to yourself, son, why are you holding onto this anger? Is it because you don't want to feel what's underneath?"

Jamie bit his lip, "I have tried really hard, Dad. I pushed her away to begin with, but now, I have reached out. I..."

"If it isn't working maybe seeing a counselor would help," Frank suggested. "That worked for Mom and me when things were rough for a while. Let me tell you this, you are going to lose her. She's not going to do this amicable marriage thing, this married friends bit. She's not, so you have to figure out if you are going to be her husband all the way or let her go."

Jamie bit his lip, he knew that his days with Eddie were numbered to the deadline he set. "Counseling huh? Maybe...but I think...I got away from church since Joey...anger and resentment...maybe I need to try that..."

"Try whatever you need to save your marriage," Frank replied. "The love you two have, it's worth saving. I know it, I see your mother's eyes when Eddie looks at you. That's unconditional love, she's forgiven you, but you haven't forgiven her or yourself and you have to."

"And if I can't?" Jamie asked. He was scared of losing his wife and more of his heart, and that could happen either way.

"At least you know you tried everything you could," Frank soothed. "But I know that it will be enough. I know it."

Jamie nodded, "Thanks Dad. I'm going to try my best my absolute best."

"You do that…everything you can," Frank replied. "If you don't it will be the biggest regret of your life." Frank put his hand on Jamie's shoulder. He felt his throat close, even with his father's sound advice and steady hand, he felt the loss.

Jamie nodded and went to the master bedroom to say goodnight to Eddie.

The room was already dark when he slipped inside. She was curled up around her pillow, golden hair splayed out against the soft yellow sheets. He was hoping she would still be awake, they could talk, but she was exhausted and he didn't have the heart to disturb her when she was sleeping so peacefully.

She was so beautiful, such a natural as a mother. He wanted to end the stress then and there, take her in his arms, declare it all better, but he knew that ship sailed, he had to prove he'd let go, and he still hadn't, not all the way.

He knelt by her side for a long while. With tender fingertips, he brushed the hair off her face, then placed a gentle, tender kiss on her forehead. "I love you so much, Eddie. I'm going to stop the pain once and for all, I know what I need to do."

It was done. They hurt each other long enough, he held onto his grievances along enough. Samuel and Levi were right, until he gave his anger away, and not just his anger at Eddie, he would have no room in his heart for other things. He knew Eddie had forgiven him, and to be honest, he had forgiven her. The only way to replace Steven in his mind's eye was to take her back into his arms but for that he had to get her to let him back into their bed.

He crawled between the covers and slid his arm around Eddie's middle. She instinctively moved closer to him and burrowed into his warmth, never opening her eyes.

Tonight, he would hold his wife while they slept, unless and until she kicked him out if Bella cried. For now though, he would hold her in his arms, safe and warm, just the way she liked it.

In the recesses of sleep, Eddie felt the presence of her husband, her best friend, next to her. Her unconscious mind grabbed at the sensation and held onto it so hard she slept the longest and deepest she had since Joey died, so long in fact, when she woke, the only evidence of Jamie was the warmth of the sheets and the impression of his head on the pillow.

His uniform was gone, but there was a note pinned to her robe. It read simply, "Lunch?"

She smiled, this was a good way to start their day.

Eddie left the girls with Frank and went to meet Jamie for lunch. When she got to the station Jamie was in the conference room with nearly every deputy he had. She could tell by his body language that he was stressed. She looked around at the office smiling slightly at how different it was from the 12th, smaller and quieter.

"Mrs. Reagan," the receptionist said. "Sheriff Reagan asked for you to step in when you got here. Two Amish children were accosted on the way home from school and one was almost taken."

"Oh no I'm sorry to hear that. Jamie is very good at what he does he'll do everything he can to try and prevent this from happening again."

"Please join your husband," she said again and Eddie went into the conference room.

"Hey Eddie," Jamie stood up walking over to greet her. He took her hands leaning in for a kiss.

She smiled at him and sat by his side as he continued. "So fan out, search the entire perimeter. Until this case is solved we are all doing 16 hours on, 8 off."

The deputies all nodded getting up to start work. "Hey I heard what happened"

"On their way to school," Jamie sighed. "And then parents aren't helping, they won't try to defend their kids, fight back or anything. Let's have lunch, I need your help."

"My help? Sure, I brought your favorite sandwich," Eddie said unpacking the lunch.

Jamie smiled, "You know I didn't invite you just so you would feed me. I missed saying goodnight last night."

Eddie smiled, "I know but you need to eat too keep your strength up."

They sat outside to eat, it felt like old times. "What can I do?" Eddie asked. "You said you needed my help."

Jamie wiped his mouth, "You've been a cop for years Eddie, and with this going on I need another cop I can trust."

"Jamie, no," Eddie said quickly. "Our children need me at home they need one of us safe..." Jamie held her hand. "I know, this would only be so you could protect the Amish kids back and forth to school. So you could carry and keep them safe."

Eddie looked at him shaking her head a confused look. "What do you want me to do?"

"Let me deputize you, and you escort the kids in the hay wagon to and from school."

"Why me Jamie?" Eddie asked putting her sandwich down.

"I trust you and Eddie you are the most incredible mother I have ever known. You will protect these children and their parents like you, they trust you and so do I."

He trusted her. That warmed Eddie's heart, she smiled so brightly on a reflex. "For the time being," she agreed. "For the children."

"Thanks Eddie I really appreciate it," Jamie smiled kissing her softly.

"Let's go inside," Jamie suggested." I can do it there and get you a weapon and shield. Eddie cleaned their lunch up bringing it inside with her.

Jamie smiled, "Raise your right hand. I, Sheriff Jameson Reagan do hereby deputize you imbuing you with all the powers that the position entails. Do you swear to uphold the laws of Lancaster County and protect its citizens?"

"I do," Eddie replied aware of the eyes on her, everyone inside watching.

Jamie leaned over and gave Eddie a soft kiss, "Does this make it official?" she asked. He smiled "You are the hottest deputy I have..."

Eddie smirked, "You better say that Mr. Reagan, laughing at him.

Jamie gave Eddie her badge and her gun then she prepared to head home to the girls before starting her new duty. "Wait, you need a vest."

"You really think I'll need it," Eddie turned back to study him.

"No, but I want you to wear it anyway, we don't know who or what we are dealing with," he replied. "I want you safe."

Nodding Eddie took the vest to put on in the bathroom under her clothes

Jamie headed out to follow up on a lead, a crying child at the local Walmart that was unfamiliar with the candy machine, what child was not acquainted with that at six years old!

He found the child with a manager giving a patient smile getting down to their level. "Hey bud I'm Sheriff Jamie." They had the correct child, the parents arrived and the boy ran to his mother but the person that tried to lure him out of the store had gotten away.

Jamie sighed, frustrated there was another victim and they weren't any closer.

He was happy the child was safe, but there was no way to know if this was a one-time thing or the start of something terrible.


	40. Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty-Nine

For a week, Eddie escorted the children back and forth to school with Amos or Jacob driving them. Things were smooth and uneventful. On Wednesday, when they started on their route Eddie noticing a jeep following closely behind them.

"Dispatch, be advised we have a suspicious vehicle on the farm route trailing the school wagon." She placed a hand on her piece calmly keeping an eye on the car.

She kept smiling and talking to the kids, singing songs and trying not to alarm them.

The car lurched forward speeding up riding alongside the wagon, ramming into them. "It's okay kids, everyone get down and hold on."

The horses reared up and Amos fought for control of them.

The Jeep overtook the wagon and Amos stopped and sat while the man taunted him and the horses. Eddie slid off the back and crept around the edge.

He idled as Eddie slipped around between the horses and car, "Police get your hands up where I can see them."

Eddie held her gun on the perp, he held his gun on her. Neither moved, neither flinched, they glared each other down.

Eddie's alert was bringing help, but not soon enough. The perp had climbed up on the wheel of the wagon and reached for Lydia, the smallest of the girls. She cried out for help, for her Mommy...and Eddie could not let that go. She reached deep down, hand on her gun...the gunmen fired first.

Eddie took two close range hits to the vest. "Run!" She yelled to the kids. "Run and hide!" This as she fell to the dusty cold ground. She could hardly breathe.

With the last energy she had in her breathless body, Eddie raised her gun and fired, hitting the perp in the shoulder, bringing him to his knees. He wouldn't hurt anyone else, the police were just seconds away.

Amos ran to her side to render help and prayer, "Eddie? Stay strong, I hear help coming."

She was conscious, but it hurt to breathe. Blood spurt from her mouth as she fought the coughing and the pain. They heard the sirens approaching.

Jamie and the ambulance pulled up at the same time. Many of the church members had come out and surrounded the buggy and Eddie lying on the ground. His heart almost stopped. Was she dead? Did he get her killed too? He ran to her side and saw her chest moving up and down, shallow but it was moving.

"Amos?" Jamie fell to his knees, taking Eddie in his arms to support her back.

"She got shot protecting our girls," he replied. "The man was trying to take little Lydia Hofstetter and she wouldn't let him, she fought him off even after he shot her twice.

Jamie beamed with pride, she had always been the best partner, a very talented cop, but that paled in comparison to her as a mother and as a wife.

He held Eddie tight, kissing her temple. "Eddie, honey I'm here open up those pretty blue eyes." At first, Eddie just laid still, trying to get a pain free breath. Jamie kept talking softly, "I love you so much, don't you leave me, you keep breathing, Eddie. Keep breathing now." Jamie had tears running down his cheeks. "You and I promised each other a lifetime. We got things so screwed up, but we can fix it. I need you to hang on…I'm not going anywhere. You hang on, and open your eyes for me."

Eddie stirred and turned her head. She looked up at Jamie, "Can't breathe. Hurts..."

"I know. You stay right here with me, we're bringing you to the hospital," Jamie took her hand.

Eddie coughed on the blood in her mouth and throat. She knew she wasn't dying but Jamie didn't. The fear in his eyes shocked her. They got her inside, Jamie staying with her holding her hand. "Eddie hang on okay?"

"I'll go to your girls!" Rachel called out. "They won't want for anything."

"Thank you Rachel," Jamie said keeping his focus on Eddie. "Hey keep your eyes on me."

Jamie kissed her head, "You know how to do this, remember with our Bella? She gave you a hard time."

"Yeah," Eddie groaned turning to look up at him weakly. "The kids?"

"Rachel is going over and Dad is still there," Jamie soothed. "Let's remember our Bella." Eddie gave a gentle smile keeping her eyes on him as they drove.

The doctor whisked her away, "Doctor, I can't lose my wife."

"I'll take care of her Sheriff I promise to do everything I can," the doctor assured following behind the stretched. Back at the house, Frank was wondering about all the police activity along the peaceful roads.

He found out when Rachel rang the bell.

"It's Eddie," she whispered to him. "She was wounded by a gunman and taken to the hospital. Faith and I can keep the girls, you should go to your son."

"Thank you very much for looking after my family," Frank said, heart dropping

He got a cab and headed to the hospital. Jamie was waiting for Eddie to come back from X-ray

"Jamie your friend is watching the girls how is Eddie? Has a doctor come out yet?"

"Yes," Jamie replied. "Yes, she's going to be okay, she is fine, they got her in the vest but she's terribly winded, so they are checking."

Frank breathed out a sigh of relief placing a hand on Jamie's shoulder. "Thank God son."

"I almost lost her Dad," Jamie hiccupped. "I could have lost her, and it would be my fault. I put her in danger, just like Joe"

"No Jamie Eddie was a cop she knows the danger this wasn't on you," Frank shook his head

"She's a great cop... she always was, she always will be. Eddie did the job she was deputize to do, this isn't about you, this is a good outcome and she's fine. Now fix the rest of your world and everything will fall into place"

Jamie took a deep breath, he was really shaken. "Yeah I will dad I'm just so grateful she's going to be okay."

"Make sure you tell her that, use this chance Jamie," Frank advised.

"I will, Dad. What's taking so long," Jamie paced, anxious to see Eddie.

"Relax," Frank soothed. "I'm sure they are being thorough."

Jamie sighed, "I know, I just want to see her for myself, Dad."

"Think about what you are going to do when you see her, how you are going to use this chance, Jamie,' Frank instructed.

He nodded his head slowly looking down at the floor, he had been so scared getting that call.

"Sheriff Reagan?" the doctor came out after another ten minutes. 'Your wife is back in her room now, we'll keep her over night to make sure that her lungs and heart haven't been compromised by the contusions and broke ribs."

Jamie sighed, "but she's going to be okay, right?" he had to know he wasn't losing her.

"Oh, yes," the doctor replied. 'The vest saved her life. Without that, she'd have died instantly. You can come and see her."

"Thank you so much doctor," Jamie sighed giving Frank a nod.

Jamie followed the doctor to Eddie's room, she was resting, her eyes closed, and head turned. She was on nasal oxygen and had ice packs against her side.

"Eddie I'm "Eddie, I'm here honey. God I'm so glad you're okay, I can't lose you," Jamie said taking her hand.

She took a shallow breath, "Oh, God this hurt...Are the children all right? I told them to run but I don't remember..."

"Yeah, they're all okay thanks to you, you saved them. Doctor said you're going to be okay," Jamie said

"It was that vest you insisted I wear," Eddie croaked. "Can I have some water?"

Jamie poured a little water in a cup holding Eddie's neck gently, so she could drink.

"Easy sips," he coached. "Then lean back and rest. I'm going to be right here by your side, okay? I'm not going anywhere, you don't have to be scared." He remembered when she got shot on the job, just a vest wound, she'd been so frightened to be alone in the hospital.

Eddie raised her eyes to him relieved, "Thank you Jamie it hurts so badly. The girls, who's with them?"

"I'll have the nurse come to give you something for the pain," Jamie whispered. "Rachel is with the girls and Dad will go home in a little bit, he came right away."

Eddie smiled, "where is he I'd like to see him too." she slowly looked over fighting to stay awake

"I'll call him to come in, and I'll get the nurse, so you can sleep peacefully..." Jamie stood up and stepped out to call Frank.

"How is she?" Frank asked walking over stopping just outside the door.

"She's tired, and she's hurting, she's asking to see you. Can you sit with her a minute while I go and get the nurse to help her?"

"Of course," Frank smiled walking in going right to the bed. "Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?"

She smiled at him, "Really sore, but lucky to be alive."

"Yes, you are, and we are all appreciative that you are," Frank told her

"Jamie insisted on a vest, and if not..." she sighed. "Is he okay?"

"He's grateful your alive he was scared he lost you Eddie," Frank said.

"He was...scared?" She felt good hearing that. It meant he still loved her.

"Yes scared, he loves you Eddie. He's made mistakes, but he loves you very much"

"I made a mistake too," Eddie replied.' And instead of giving him his time to be angry I...I don't want to be alone in our room anymore."

"Good so talk to Jamie when you're up to it and work things out. I'm glad you're okay sweetheart," Frank said.

Jamie returned with a nurse a moment later, "She's going to help the pain. Dad, can you go back to the house please and spell Rachel and Faith. Let them all know we'll be home tomorrow and try to keep the girls calm. I don't know how Mary will handle this."

"Of course Jamie I'll see you tomorrow Eddie feel better sweetheart," Frank squeezed her hand.

Jamie sat on the edge of Eddie's bed and took her hand in his, "When you feel better honey, we need to talk things out. We really do. The thought of losing you was just..."

"I know Jamie and I want to talk will you stay with me while I sleep?"

"I will stay with you," he replied. "I'm not going anywhere, you sleep all you can. You heal, I'm not going to leave your side. I'm not." He leaned over and kissed her lips softly. "I'm so proud of you for today, Eddie. I love you."

"I love you too Jamie," Eddie's eyes quickly shut unable to keep them open anymore. She snuggled against him falling asleep.


	41. Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

As much as Jamie would like to, he wasn't able to stay home with Eddie while she recovered, at least not all the time, so before they left, the ladies worked out times they would go over to the house and help care for the kids, Eddie, and the new and improved Cupcake. He had graduated from his obedience training the same day as the shooting.

Jamie felt so secure even though the last thing he wanted was to have to leave. Frank empathized with that.

Any time he had to leave, Jamie would check on Eddie first, after work he'd head right home.

Mary did not fare well the first night, she woke up with bad dreams and ended up in her parents' bed. It had been three days now and they still hadn't had that all-important talk. Eddie was beginning to feel better, she was up and about a bit more before having to go back and rest, they had to talk soon, he was running out of excuses to stay in her room if they didn't.

Jamie came home from work going up to check on Eddie with their faithful pooch at his heels, "Hey how are you feeling? Did you take good care of her, Boy?"

The dog wagged his tail and barked. "Go see Mary," Jamie told the dog and he immediately listened.

"I'm feeling better" she replied and received his kiss. "Mary had therapy today, Faith took her, and she did very well. She's napping."

"Good to hear, all my girls are good," Jamie sat on the bed beside her.

"Jamie," Eddie began softly. "When I feel better, and can move a bit better, do you plan to go back to the other bedroom or..."

"Well Eddie I don't want to, but if you still need more space then I will," Jamie studied her for a reaction

"I think that we had all the space we can take," Eddie replied. "I think we have three months left and we need to try or just give up so..." Jamie's phone rang, another interruption.

Jamie went to get his phone, "Reagan," he said looking at Eddie.

"Sheriff, we need you..." The address went out and Jamie nodded. "Call the van to meet us there, I don't want to spend all night waiting for Caleb to get there." He turned to Eddie, "Death out at the Hindeman place. The husband." He wasn't too old, mid-sixties.

"Oh no go-ahead Jamie I'm going to rest," Eddie looked up at him.

Jamie fluffed her pillows and put her sore arm on one, it hurt because of her ribs, and then he headed out thinking about what he was going to say when he got home. A crowd formed when he arrived, "Hey what do we have?"

"Looks like a natural," Deputy Harris replied. "He went to take a nap, never woke up."

Jamie sighed relieved looking at the man, "Who found him?"

"His wife," she's over there. "Martha."

He gave the older man one more look before going to talk with the wife. "Martha, I'm so sorry for your loss ma'am. Can you tell us how your husband's health has been?"

"He was..." She didn't know. They had lived parallel lives for so long she didn't know if he was sick, she didn't know anything

"Take your time ma'am is there anything that you knew he was having trouble with?"

"He took a bunch of different pills," she replied. "In the cabinet there. I'm sorry, I don't know more...we...our marriage hasn't been right for so long."

Jamie nodded gently, "It's okay, thank you ma'am."

"I did love him," she continued. "But after he...he had an affair years ago and I just held onto to that anger and pain. We didn't split because we had kids and then we just got used to it, we got lazy."

Jamie bit on his lip feeling the familiarity. "I understand ma'am I'm sorry again for your loss." That could be them, him and Eddie. She could die in her sleep in thirty years and he wouldn't know why. Though she vowed not to stay together for their kids, he knew if the divorce talk negatively impacted Mary she would reconsider. Jamie sat caught in his musing.

"Sheriff? Looks like we're good here. The wagon is taking him, but it looks natural so..."

"Uh, can you handle this from here?" Jamie asked "My wife is still not feeling well, and she needs me at home. Have the autopsy done and confirm the medical records."

"Of course, go be with your wife, Sir. I'll call if anything comes up," the deputy nodded.

Jamie had a lot to think about on the way home. They were already living parallel lives, they were already the couple that he had just visited. He didn't want to end up like that widow or have Eddie be her for that matter. He wanted to know his wife, he wanted to love her, hold her, be intimate with her...connected...and that meant forgiving her and forgiving himself. When he arrived home, Jamie headed right upstairs to the bedroom needing to talk with Eddie.

He was surprised but not shocked to see Faith with Eddie in the room that would eventually be Bella's nursey. Eddie had paint samples out, and was speaking to their friend. "We just can't seem to fix things," she told her friend. "I thought for sure this would help things, maybe it's just circumstances now that Mary was sleeping with us. He won't forgive me that mistake, and until he does we can't get past this and learn to be intimate again...not as the people we are now. Maybe we changed too much."

Jamie walked in, "Hey Faith would you please excuse us? I'd like to talk with Eddie."

"Of course," she replied. "I'll see myself out. Your father took the girls for a sleepover in his room."

Jamie nodded and smiled at their friend as she headed to the front door.

Jamie stared at Eddie in her old painting clothes, her hair half in and half out of her ponytail. She must have been feeling better to be tackling this today, or perhaps this was a sign she was ready to move on the same as he was.

"Are you going to sit or just stand there," Eddie asked almost teasingly, she had made the choice to try to fix this, and that meant making it so Jamie could come back into their room for good if he desired.

Jamie took two giant steps forward and with gentle firmness, pulled Eddie into his arms. His lips came down on hers with all of the pent-up emotion he felt in his heart. Much to his delight, Eddie slowly raised her arms and wrapped them around his neck.

Their kisses were soft and gentle, yet demanding and passionate. Their tongues danced back and forth in one another's mouth, they had missed the taste of each other and the deep connection that came from their love making.

They stepped back into the bedroom, not breaking contact with each other as Jamie slowly lowered her to the floor. His hands slowly pulled up on the edge of the loose shirt she wore. There was no bra, she was still too sore for that. Jamie's eyes fell on the bruises and gently rained kissed on them, as if his love and touch would heal the ugly colored skin.

Eddie sighed at the gentle touch, Jamie had made such a turn around since she got hurt, but now he was even more devoted, more focused, the way he had been before everything, the way they had always made love.

"Oh, Eddie," he sighed. "Oh, you feel so good."

"Jamie," she moaned softly in his ear. "Oh, Jamie. I need you so much, I missed you so…"

He took his time, he played with her breasts, exciting her, eliciting her hips to rise and fall letting Jamie know how badly she wanted him. She slowly stripped his clothing off his body revealing his strong, muscled arms, thin torso, and firm legs to her view. They gently pushed their bodies together, skin to skin…

Eddie's thighs gently parted, Jamie settled between them, his sex probing at her own. Eddie opened her eyes and met his, there was love there, a deep and abiding love. She caressed his cheek and whispered in his ear, "I haven't been on birth control for two months, since we stopped…"

Jamie hushed her with a kiss, it didn't matter to him, he didn't want any barriers between them, they had both built those up and now it was time to take them down once and for all.

They both cried out with joy and pleasure as their bodies joined for the first time in so long…their foreheads touched and their lips gently caressed each other as they rode the wave of their passion.

When it was done the tears fell down in earnest on Jamie's face. He was suddenly feeling all the emotion that he'd bottled up since that terrible day. He looked at Eddie, bruised and tired, but still so warm, alive and loving.

"Oh, Jamie," she murmured softly. "Oh, sweetheart…What's wrong?" Eddie asked as she pulled him closer.

"The call I just came from...Jamie hiccupped. "I sat waiting for the coroner with a woman who lost her ex-husband...she didn't know anything about his death. They lost each other, lived parallel lives...I don't want that.

Eddie reached a hand up to gently wipe the tears, "Jamie I don't either"

"She said she always loved him but they lost their way..." He sobbed. "I love you so much, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"Oh, Jamie I am too I'm sorry for everything," Eddie moved closer if that was even possible and let him cry.

"I got him killed Eddie, I took our boy from you."

"No, I was angry and held onto it blaming you. I'm sorry Jamie I love you."

"Our baby and you, I nearly lost you...I don't blame you for this."

Eddie held him and rocked him slowly. "Let this help us."

He calmed slightly, enough that they were able to make their way to their bedroom and finish this long awaited talk. In one another's arms, they spoke softly

"You made a mistake, and I just shut you down. I made a fatal...how can you look at me? Why do you even still want me?" It hurt Eddie to hear such pain and see such anguish.

"Because you're my best friend and soul mate I love you so much," Eddie whispered

"I don't want to be apart anymore. I want to sleep next to you, I want to hold you and kiss you..." He cupped her wet cheeks and pulled her head towards his, his lips going over hers. "Please."

"I want you too Jamie I don't want to sleep apart anymore. I need you beside me."

She kissed him back gently, "oh..." She sighed with contentment. "When you rejected me after…I just got so angry...I had found forgiveness for you, but you were so closed and cold. You don't listen, and I needed you to."

"I know I regret it so much Eddie. I was so angry but that's past now...I want us to be together always. I love you and I need to be with you."

Eddie reached for him her body protested. She hissed in pain and began to cough, her ribs stinging.

"Oh, Eddie I'm sorry come here, I've got you," Jamie rubbed a gentle hand on her back.

"Guess some things need to wait," she laughed. "Then spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak as they say. I'm okay."

"It's okay I'm not going anywhere," Jamie assured holding her.

Eddie laid her head on his chest, "We still have lot of healing to do."

"Yes, but we're willing to try now and that's a start," Jamie smiled warmly at her.

She took a long breath and Jamie rubbed her back, "You want some tea?"

"I'm good I just want to lay with you," Eddie assured

"Let me check on Mary and Bella, then I'll be right back to do just that."

Eddie nodded reluctant to let him go. "Hurry back okay?"

Jamie peaked into his father's room and found Bella in her porta crib and Mary curled up by his hip. Jamie smiled and went right back to Eddie. "All three are sound asleep."

"Good come here Jamie," Eddie opened her arms out settling against him.

Jamie put his arms around her, "You feel so good"

"It feels great to be in your arms again," Eddie smiled

He kissed her head, " You too. Oh, I missed you. I missed my best friend. I needed you so much and I know you needed me."

"Yes, I do it's so good to be back together," Eddie lifted her head to look at him

Jamie kissed her again and sighed. "It is...we need to get through the rest of this as a family, as a team. We have a chance now to build a new life and not as roommates, no parallel lives, not for us"

"No, we are teammates and best friends, so we will get through this," Eddie agreed

"What about lovers?" he asked.

"Of course, lovers always," Eddie agreed

They shared a few deeper kisses then Jamie held Eddie tight until she fell asleep.


	42. Chapter 41

Chapter Forty-One

"Call us when you get home," Eddie told Frank giving him a big hug and kiss as he got into the car to head home.

Frank agreed to do so, then Eddie turned and went back inside. "I want to try to finish painting that room while you're working," Eddie told Jamie, but he shook his head.

"Are you sure you're up to it Eddie? I mean you've only been out of the hospital a few days."

She smiled, "I know, and I'm a little sore, but I was only shot in the vest..." That was as far as she got before hearing probably the worst scream and cry she could ever recall.

Jamie and Eddie both jumped turning to the sound. Mary was sitting in the doorway. "Mary, what's wrong?"

Mary was pale and crying out in a shrill high-pitched screech. Her cries sounded like she was saying, "No Mommy..." But they weren't sure. Eddie and Jamie both hurried to their girl.

"Mary tell us what's wrong honey," Eddie said hugging her tight. The look on her face was both shock and upset seeing their girl like this.

Mary couldn't speak, the images that were rushing back to her were far too scary. She wailed and held onto her mother so tight it hurt.

"Honey, Mommy and Daddy are here. It's okay, you're okay," Jamie whispered softly.

"Booming, it's booming," she sobbed covering her ears. Her eyes were wide as saucers, she shook and covered her head as if hearing a terribly loud noise.

"What's booming sweetie? What did you see?" Eddie held Mary tight Jamie holding both his girls

"Banging," Mary sobbed. "Glass is breaking, Joey...don't cry, don't scream Joey, we'll be okay...Oww...Owww..." she moaned as her little body jerked. "Joey...good boy... don't cry... don't be scared. Bella, don't be scared..." She was back in that car...

"Oh, Mary honey come here honey, it's okay. You're okay, I'm so sorry we didn't realize… Mommy and Daddy are here," Jamie said

"Jamie, it's no use," Eddie told him. 'She's in a memory now and we have to wait it out with her. Let her cry...just let her cry."

"I hate seeing her like this Eddie our girl," Jamie bit his lip.

"This is good for her maybe," Eddie replied as she turned Mary to the side and held her as if she was going to nurse her.

After a half hour, the cries settled down to mewls, then Eddie pressed her, "What did you remember, honey?"

"Everything the car stopped then a lot of noises and Joe was crying. I told him to stay quiet."

"Yeah, it was scary in the car when you got hurt?" Eddie replied. "The men were shooting guns at the car?"

Mary nodded, "yeah and Joe was crying scared and Uncle Danny was there."

"Yes," Eddie replied and held her breath. Mary sniffled, "Joey got all quiet, he stopped crying all at once, not like a little...and he had blood on him...I think that's when he died in there."

"Oh, honey we are sorry that you had to see that," Jamie said rubbing Mary's back gently

"Uncle Danny was shooting," she whispered. "He was shooting at the car."

"At the car you and Joe were in," Eddie looked up at Jamie with a raised eyebrow

She sniffled, "Yes, he shooted like this and they shooted like that..." She demonstrated the cross fire with her hands.

"Uncle Danny was trying to protect you by scaring the bad guys away," Eddie assured

Mary wasn't sure about that, "No, Daddy protect us. He stood by the window and yelled at them...he ran away and shot the bad guys.

"Uncle Danny was too he was trying in his own way," Jamie insisted

Mary shook her head and curled up a bit to Eddie. "Got scared when I heard you say you got shot too cause don't' want you to die."

"Oh, honey I'm not going to. Mommy is going to be just fine it was nothing I promise."

"The pictures just came...and I got scared," Mary replied. "I see the pictures a lot, but I don't call because it's scary."

"You can call us anytime you feel scared honey we'll always protect you," Jamie hugged her

Mary sat with that for a moment, then sighed, "Does Joey miss us?"

"Joey is always watching over sweetheart, always with us in our hearts," Eddie assured.

Eddie began to cry a bit holding Mary, Jamie held them both and joined them. "Let's get out for a bit, want to?"

"Yeah I think that's a good idea come on honey," Jamie nodded

"You want to go on a buggy ride and pet the horses?" Eddie asked. "We can go see if Rachel will take us to see them?"

"I wanted to see the horses and cows," Mary nodded wiping at her eyes.

Jamie stepped away to get the dog's leash and Eddie closed the space quickly. "Now that she's made this breakthrough, we should double down with her therapist and make sure that…"

Jamie nodded, "I'm so glad she remembered but seeing it…"

"Daddy, are we going?" Mary asked, she needed the getaway as much as her parents did.

"Yes, let's go over to Rachel's farm and see the animals...come on..." Jamie loaded his family, including Cupcake, in the car and held Eddie's hand across the seat. He gave it a kiss and she gave him a smile, this storm they would weather as one.

Jamie pulled up to Rachel's farm, and was greeted with her smile. "Hello, to what do we owe this pleasure? Hello, sweetie."

"Hi Miss Rachel," Mary spoke softly still sniffling, eyes red and puffy.

Eddie spoke softly, "Mary had a couple of flash backs about her and her brother being shot at and she got so scared. She wants to pet the horses and cows and I hoped..."

"Of course, no trouble at all. Let me show you around...I think you'll like them Mary," Rachel smiled.

Jamie carried Mary to the barn, "This is Petal, our son named her. She likes to be pet on the nose."

Mary smiled reaching out to gently pet the horse, giggling when it neighed softly. "She loves animals," Jamie smiled. "She is Cupcake's chosen person in the family."

Mary laid her head on Petals head. Samuel came out and continued to show them the farm, Rachel took Eddie inside. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better thanks trying not to overdo it yet, you know," Eddie said.

"Oh of course," Rachel smiled. "Your poor little Mary looks so sad; do you need to talk about what happened?"

"It just hit her so fast. She must have overheard Jamie and I talking about what happened to me," Eddie sighed.

"The poor baby," Rachel sighed. "It had to be so hard in her being locked in the car. It's good she let those feelings come out."

"Yeah it took some time, but it happened and she needs to talk about it."

Eddie covered her eyes, "the sounds she made crying and hiccupping I don't think I've ever heard a worse sound."

"It's hard hearing that from your baby," Rachel agreed

"Rachel, I still..." Eddie sighed. "When I heard her talking about her uncle taking shots close to the car I am just overcome..."

"It's hard knowing your babies were in the car and that close," Rachel nodded.

"And he..." Eddie sighed. "He fired and used the car as a shield with my babies there and I just feel such hate."

"Maybe that's where we should start to get through this with your brother in law."

Eddie sighed, "I just can't seem to let this go...and as soon as Jamie speaks up about Danny I get angry at him."

"Let's try to start with that then. Your angry at him how is he handling it?"

"We finally talked out all our issues," Eddie replied. "We are feeling better and talking more, I haven't told Jamie how angry I feel..."

"Now that you are working things out maybe it's time to talk about your anger."

"I'll try, I'm just afraid to," Eddie replied.

"What are you afraid of," Rachel asked.

"Upsetting Jamie again," Eddie replied. "Making him...pushing him away again."

"Then tell him that you're not trying to upset him, but you have to let it out."

Eddie sighed, "I hear you, I'm just not sure how to do it. I know Danny doesn't care I hate him, I know my hate is only hurting me..."

"No, the hate is also hurting Jamie and I'm sure it is affecting Danny too," Rachel said.

"Let's pray together," Rachel suggested. "Let's pray and ask God to accept your anger and take it to him "Eddie breathed out nodding then lowered her head hoping to let it out.

Eddie took Rachel's advice to heart, when they left for dinner at a nearby Friendly's everyone was feeling a bit better."

"You should have seen how her eyes lit up when they let her milk the cow," Jamie smiled.

Eddie snuggled up to Jamie and laid her head on his chest. "We are so lucky honey"

"Yeah, we really are," Jamie smiled wrapping an arm around her waist.

They kissed in the shadows of the night, their arms entwined around each other. "There is still so much anger inside."

"I'm sure, it was a terrible loss we went through Eddie. Maybe we can talk about it."

She nodded, "I'm trying so hard Jamie, but every time I think about Danny shooting back over my kids my blood just boils"

Jamie nodded kissing her head, "I know Eddie talk to me. I want to hear how you feel and work through this as partners."

"It's just so tiring having all this hate hanging on my head...

"I know, and I want to help you through this," Jamie said softly

"And what about you?" She asked. "Have you forgiven him?"

Jamie sighed, "Him yes. I'm working on forgiving myself still."

Eddie held him tight, "You made a mistake, you were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. When you saw the shooting you tried to pull the fire away from the kids. I forgive you...I love you."

"I love you too Eddie I love you so much," Jamie kissed the top of her head, looking down to meet her eyes.

Her forgiveness was like a balm for his soul. He felt so much better hearing that he was forgiven. "It hurts that I haven't even been able to get Danny to hear me."

"Danny is dealing with it in his own way, he thinks you hate him." Jamie relayed.

"I do," Eddie said flatly. "I hate him with all I have Jamie. My blood boils every time I even think of him

Jamie sighed, "I get it Eddie and I know it's hard, but we have to get through this. Danny feels guilty, he's upset."

Eddie stiffened, "No, I'm upset! I'm upset, I miss my son!"

"We both do, Eddie. We all miss him, I miss Joe every single day," Jamie said.

"I know, but I need you to understand how I feel about Danny. I need you to hear me."

"Okay Eddie tell me, I'll just listen," Jamie replied.

Eddie softly spoke, "If he did like you did, if he went and moved away from the car, even at risk to himself, like you did, I might be able to let it go."

Jamie nodded slowly looking down at her, "I get it, Eddie, I do. I'm sorry you held it in so long."

She moved closer and snuggled into Jamie. "I'm just glad that through all of this we go our marriage back on track. We need to do something to celebrate that."

Jamie hugged her tight and smiled, "I'm thinking perhaps we ask the new priest to do a vow renewal and get away just a few days close by...so if Mary or Bella need us," Jamie suggested.

"Yeah that's a great idea," Eddie replied kissing him. "Let's talk to the priest. Do you know anywhere nearby you'd like to see?"

"More of this beautiful farmland works for me," Jamie replied.

"Faith mentioned to me that Rebecca and Amos have a cottage, their parents passed so we can maybe use that. She did when she needed some time alone."

"We can ask, that sounds like a really nice place for us to be together." Jamie agreed. "We'll be close by for the girls and still be able to focus on reconnecting our marriage again."

That night as they laid together in silence they kissed gently and slowly. Jamie moved over Eddie's body, they didn't want to ever lose that connection again. She reached up for him to pull his body closer.

"I love you Eddie I will always love you," he whispered softly as they gazed deeply into each other's souls.


	43. Chapter 42

Chapter Forty-Two

The next morning, Jamie went to work, and Eddie took Mary to PT. "I don't want to..." Mary had made little progress and was discouraged.

"I know but it will help you get stronger honey it takes time," Eddie assured

"I'm tired of it..." Mary whined. "I don't want to do it, I'm not moving..." She crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip.

"Why not honey? What's wrong? Ttell Mommy so I can help you," Eddie said.

"Only hurts me and doesn't do any good."

"I know honey, but it's making you stronger you're getting a lot better."

Mary only cried, she was exhausted from all of this hard work.

Eddie pulled her in for a tight hug and rocked her. "I know honey I know."

"Mary, come on in," the therapist called. "Oh, are you okay?"

"She's feeling a little overwhelmed," Eddie jumped in for her daughter

"Well, what if we just go in and play a little bit and if you don't want to work out your legs, you don't have to."

"Really, I can do that," Mary sniffled looking up with red blotchy eyes.

"Yeah," she replied. "Come on honey, let's go and play with the toys." Eddie smiled, she knew most of the toys were foot or leg powered. Mary nodded slowly letting Eddie pushed her down the hall to a room full of toys.

Eddie sat back and let the therapist work. Mary was enticed by the toys, "This one you play with your foot. You want to try it, you move your little foot on the piano and it will play."

"Really? That's cool," Mary sat down in front of it pressing on the pedal smiling when the piano started

"The hardest you are able to press," the therapist told her. "The more songs you can play."

"Ooooh," Mary looked at the piano trying to press harder making a face.

"A little too hard? Let's stretch your leg out a little...show me how well you stretch out your leg." Mary moved a little stretching out the way she showed her during their earlier sessions.

"That's a good girl, let's go a little farther." Eddie watched, when Mary caught on that she was tricked she'd be angry, but Eddie was happy to see her trying and how well she was doing.

"It hurts but not as much," Mary said looking back at the piano wanting to try again.

"Okay, let's give it another shot. It's four steps, you think you can do that on the crutches?" This little girl was tired and frustrated, she had to see some progress.

"I don't know my foot hurts and I'm tired," Mary sighed looking at the piano.

"Let's give it a try, then you're done..." she encouraged. "I'll hold you up." Mary took a deep breath in slowly getting up letting the therapist hold her. She was unsteady taking a step

Eddie felt a warm hand on her shoulder as she held her breath. "Hey, I was in the area and thought you would want to get some lunch..." Eddie held her hands up, "Look..." She held onto Jamie tight as Mary was about to go for it. "She's going to do it, I know it." Jamie squeezed Eddie's shoulder watching Mary slowly take a second step forward

The little girl had her face curled up, in total concentration as she took that step. She wobbled and looked like she was going to fall, Eddie wanted to rush and catch her, but Jamie held her back gently. Mary caught herself regaining her balance before taking the last two steps to the piano, her face beaming.

Eddie and Jamie both had tears in their eyes when they saw her. Eddie turned just as Jamie caught her, they didn't care who saw them, they began to kiss deeply, relishing in this celebration together.

Eddie called Faith and Jamie called Frank to share the good news. "She was walking, Mary was walking!" Eddie told her friend.

"That's great news, Eddie. How wonderful, I'm so happy to hear," Faith said.

"She was so sad today...and then this..."

"I'm sure it brightened her spirits and she is welcome to see our horses and cows anytime."

"She went to see Rachel's cows and horses yesterday; do you think she can come milk the cow this afternoon?"

"That is perfect," Eddie replied. "We will come right over after we get home." She thanked God again for Faith and their Amish neighbors. They were all such a blessing.

Jamie went back to work, promising to be home for dinner. Eddie took Mary to milk Faith's cow then she played with her girls while the mothers talked. "How are things going, Eddie?" Faith asked offering Eddie some tea.

"So much better," she smiled taking the cup. "Jamie actually suggested renewing our wedding vows here with all our new friends."

Faith smiled, "that's great Eddie sounds like things are turning around for you and Jamie."

"Oh yes," she beamed. "We were able to forgive each other and that made all the difference

"I'm really happy for both of you. This is going to be the start of a new life for you," Faith said.

"It will be and all of you have helped us so much,"

"Oh, we're happy to help however we can," Faith smiled.

"Would you help me plan this vow renewal? Something out side?

"Most weddings here are after the harvest, but that is coming in a few weeks. We can do something small and quiet before wedding season."

"That would be nice," Eddie agreed. "Jamie is very Catholic we were hoping to do it in the church and a big party outside with games and everything."

"Yes, we can definitely arrange that because it is a joyous event," Faith agreed

When Jamie came home that night he pulled Eddie in for a long strong kiss. "Missed you pretty girl. Oh, you feel so right in my arms."

"Hmm it feels great being in your arms. How was work," Eddie leaned up to kiss him.

"Not bad," he replied. "I need an undersheriff in the worst way."

"How's the search going," Eddie asked snuggling him.

"I'm thinking pretty seriously about Harris" he replied. "Unless you want the job.

"Me?" Eddie looked up at him to see if he was serious

"I'd love it," he replied. "Partners in all things, but Bella."

"She's so little and needs me plus Mary's therapy," Eddie sighed

"Maybe when they grow?" he suggested

Eddie smiled, "yeah that sounds good working together again."

He rocked her back and forth, "Where's our speed racer?"

"Inside reading," Eddie nuzzled him feeling warm in his arms.

"Did you tell her I saw her?"

Jamie nodded, "I got her those new shoes she wanted, the pair with the lights on them."

"She'll be thrilled she really wanted them. You should go see her," Eddie said

Jamie gave her one more kiss then headed to Mary's room. "Hey Buttons."

Mary put the book she'd been reading down and turned smiling. "Hey Daddy," she sat up opening her arms.

Jamie cuddled her close to him. "How's my girl?"

"Good Daddy just reading," Mary smiled. "Guess what Daddy…today I walked in therapy!"

"I know you did!" Jamie smiled. "Daddy came by on lunch and saw you!"

"And you didn't say anything Daddy? I would have liked to see you."

"I had to leave before you were finished," Jamie replied. "But Mommy and I got you a surprise...bring it in Eddie."

Eddie walked in smiling joining them on the bed, handing Mary the gift.

Mary opened the pretty pink sneakers and smiled, "My sneakers! Thank you..." She smiled brightly then got quiet. "We need to wish and blow."

"You want to after dinner honey I think it would be nice," Eddie agreed.

"Yes, Mommy for Joe," Mary nodded thoughtfully looking back at her sneakers.

Jamie put the new shoes on her and Mary decided she wanted to try to walk to the table.

"Do you need me to hold you honey," Jamie asked helping her off the bed

"Go like the sticks," she told him, wanting him to serve as her crutch. She smiled. She was going to do it.

Jamie nodded getting her up watching hopefully

She managed four full steps and two with her leg dragging before she started to hurt and wanted to be carried

"I got you honey," Jamie scooped her up carrying her to the bed

He put her in the kitchen chair and Eddie strapped Bella in her infant seat. There were pork chops and green beans on the table.

"Pork chops yummy," Mary said

Eddie cut the meat for her then Jamie said the blessing. As they ate, he slid his foot out and over to Eddie's leg. She loved it when he would tease her like this.

Eddie glanced up at him sneaking a smile over their food

She slid her hand across the table toward him and they held hands as Mary chattered on about how she would take more steps the next day. They barely heard her, they were so locked in with each other.

"Right Mommy?" Mary looked up smiling seeing them.

"Yes, honey," Eddie replied. "That's right." She was embarrassed she had no idea what Mary said it had been a long time since she felt such a connection to her Jamie.

Mary only smiled going back to her meal Bella doing her own thing.


	44. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty-Three

The harvest was a beautiful time in Pennsylvania. The leaves turned bright and the air smelled crisp and fresh. Eddie was relieved to see the day start beautifully wanting everything to be perfect.

Faith and Rachel had made her a lovely dress for her vow renewal. It was traditionally Amish in style but with embellishments only the English would wear.

Eddie smiled, they had come over to help her dress. Jamie was at in another part of the house dressing.

Today, they would stand before their friends and neighbors, English and Amish alike, and promise themselves to each other again

Eddie grabbed a quick breakfast to settle her stomach.

There was a knock at the door and Eddie went to open it, she beamed when she saw Frank had come for the festivities

"Frank! I'm so glad you're here!" she gave him a hug. "I'm glad you came for this."

"Any chance to see my family," he smiled. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you. Two of my friends helped, they did a fantastic job," Eddie beamed.

"Grandpa!" Mary called out hearing the deep tenor of Frank's voice.

"There's my Mary! Come here and give Grandpa a big hug," Frank smiled

Mary looked at Eddie, "Can I show Grandpa?"

"Of course, you can honey," Eddie encouraged.

Mary locked her chair and smiled her new pink sneakers showing and flashing. She moved both her little legs and stood up taking slow and shaky steps.

Frank and Eddie watched quietly Frank beaming

"Look Grandpa!" she smiled. "I can do it!"

Frank grinned picking her up to give an extra tight hug. "I am so proud of you."

"I worked really hard," Mary smiled. "I miss you, when will you move here too?"

Frank laughed, "Soon sweetie. I see you have worked so hard! That's wonderful."

"Mary, why don't you go and sit with Grandpa and Mommy will be out a little later?"

"Okay Mommy," Frank smiled taking Mary out to sit.

Eddie turned and put her hair up in a bun with some of the flowers she picked with Faith the other day. Eddie heard the window creak and turned her head to see who it was.

Jamie smiled, climbing in slowly letting the window close. "Wow Eddie."

"Jamie, what are you doing here?" Eddie asked. Eddie was surprised but smiled.

"I wanted to see, you look amazing," he walked over pulling Eddie close.

Eddie snaked her arms around Jamie's neck and tipped her head back.

Smiling, Jamie met her lips letting the kiss linger, holding her close.

Their tongues touched softly, and they inhaled each other's breath. "Make that last... until tonight."

"I can't wait to be together in each other's arms."

"Soon my love," Jamie murmured. "I don't ever want to let you go."

"You won't, I'm not going anywhere," Eddie sighed into his chest.

Jamie held her close and danced her a little bit. "Oh, I love you so much! Did you see my Dad?"

"Yeah, he stopped in to see me. I'm so glad he was able to come," Eddie said.

"Me too, and it's good for Mary to have him too."

"Yeah, she was so excited to see him."

"Good..." Jamie replied. "I better go, see you outside. I love you."

"Love you too," Eddie leaned up wanting one more kiss.

Jamie bestowed that kiss upon her lips then reached into his jacket and pulled out a small package. "Just a little token…"

Eddie smiled and slowly opened the package. It was a key chain sporting the Big Apple and Hershey chocolate bar charm. "The first part of our married life was in New York and it was good, but now…" He reached out with a Hersey Kiss in his hand and fed it to her, "It'll be even sweeter."

Eddie blushed, "I have a little gift for you too…"

She went into the drawer in the bedroom and pulled out a box. It was a shiny, copper penny with the date engraved on it. "I had this minted specially for us, to mark us renewing our vows during our seventh year of marriage. There's nothing I want more than this Jamie. There is nothing I want more than to love you forever, Jamie."

"My thoughts, exactly," Jamie whispered. "See you at the altar, Mrs. Reagan," he whispered and slipped out the window, each with their precious gifts in hand.

Jamie was only gone a minute before the door opened again and Linda walked in wearing a lovely green day dress. "Eddie, you are radiant!"

Eddie smiled, "Thanks Linda. You look great too."

"So good to see you," Linda smiled. "I saw Mary and Bella outside they are so cute matching you!"

Eddie smiled, "Thanks they don't seem to mind yet so I'm taking advantage."

Linda chuckled quietly, "I'm so grateful you let me come be part of this Eddie."

"So am I," Eddie replied. "And I glad you understand about Danny."

"Of course I do, he's my husband, but I'm a mother too I don't know how I'd react if…"

"It was that video," Eddie replied. "That's why I can't... what he did that day plays over and over in my mind when I see him."

Linda nodded, "Forget all that today, it's about you and Jamie."

"I can't forget it, today has to happen because we lost our Joe and almost lost each other too."

"I understand, I don't mean forget him, but focus on you and Jamie." Linda touched her arm softly, she wanted Eddie and Jamie to enjoy happiness.

Eddie took a breath, "Okay, I will try. My mother's heart...you don't really understand, but at least you also have a mother's heart." Eddie leaned over and hugged Linda so glad she and Jamie agreed to this visit.

There was no music, no flowers, and no fanfare of any kind. They had decided that Sheriff Paul would preside over the small ceremony without formal vows, this would be their declaration of love.

Jamie waited in front of the crowd, eyes twinkling as Eddie started toward him and all guests stood up.

Eddie did a very short walk to the simple alter and reflected in how different today was from their first wedding. Jamie held out his arm to link with Eddie's. Together they turned toward the alter.

There were few words spoken over them.

Their eyes met when Sheriff Paul prompted for their vows, both reflecting a deep love.

"Eddie," Jamie spoke softly. "You are my best friend, my heart, my soul."

Eddie smiled at him keeping her eyes locked with his the entire time.

"We have been through such difficult times this year, but through it all I never stopped loving you, and I will never stop. This is my solemn vow to you."

Eddie smiled, tears starting to glisten in her eyes listening to him

She took a deep breath, "Jamie, I'm so proud to be your wife. I will try to make each day of the rest of our lives one to love and to celebrate. I love you so much and I could not have gotten through this last year without your support and your friendshipPu."

Several people in the crowd smiled, including Faith teary eyed at the exchange.

Eddie reached up and touched Jamie's face, he reached down and clasped her hand. They stared into each other's eyes, not speaking, there was no need.

Sheriff Paul smiled, "I pronounce you once again husband and wife... you may kiss."

They didn't even hear him, Jamie slowly kissed her lips, she smiled against his lips. She didn't remember ever feeling so happy, not even on their first wedding day. They didn't need all the hoopla and fanfare, this simple setting outside with their friends, their girls, Linda and Frank. It all meant just as much, if not more.

Jamie moved back slowly offering Eddie his arm, "I love you so much Mrs. Reagan."

"I love you, Sheriff Reagan," she whispered. "You ready to party so we can check out that cabin?"

"Oh, of course," Jamie chuckled giving her one more kiss before walking down the aisle together.

Jamie took time to introduce Frank to their new Amish friends and to his deputies including the newly crowned undersheriff, Deputy Harris. "It's such an honor, I've followed your career and your father's too," the young man beamed.

"Thank you very much. Jamie is very lucky to have a wonderful force behind him," Frank said

"We are," Jamie replied and smiled. "We are, they've helped us so much. So did you Dad, without you and our friends, we'd be divorced. I never wanted that but we were so lost in anger and hate...we were lost."

"And now look at you. I'm glad that you made such nice friends here both you and-Eddie are lucky."

"We are..." Jamie reached out for his wife and pulled her into his arms. "I am for sure, so very lucky." Jamie and Eddie didn't care where they were or who was looking, they kissed in the beautiful sunshine, in front of all of their friends. Rachel looked at her husband John and smiled at him, Levi and Ruth smiled too, Faith beamed, she was so glad for her friend, and she was glad this time at least she wasn't part of the Amish church, she could get all the second honeymoon details, those would be fun!

"Mommy, Daddy, you look so pretty. Can we eat now? I'm hungry," Mary asked receiving laughs from everyone.

"You bet we can eat now," Eddie replied. 'Go find Miss Rachel and Miss Rebecca and ask them if you can help them okay? Be polite." Mary worked her way over to Rachel on her little crutches to ask.

"Enjoy this day both of you, it's a wonderful celebration," Faith told them smiling.

Eddie gave her friend a warm hug, "Thank you so much for this, for being such a welcoming friend. I love you like the sister I never had, I feel such a part of all of you." Eddie bit her lip.

Faith smiled too hugging Eddie back, "Oh, that is so sweet Eddie I'm glad to help ".

"I know you'll take great care of my girls the next few days, Mary, she still gets so scared and I don't feel comfortable leaving her with anyone but you or Frank, but we won't be far."

"We'll take good care of her don't worry. She'll love it especially helping with the animals," Faith smiled

"I think we have a future vet on our hands," Eddie smiled. "Oh, it looks like she's stuck on the ground there, I better go over."

"Poor baby we'll see you in a bit," Faith nodded at her husband going to their own table.

The party lasted long past sunset and Mary's bedtime. Eddie sat her on her lap to speak to her before departing with Jamie.

"Mommy, are you and Daddy going away now and leaving me and Bella?" Mary asked.

"We are going away for a couple of days," Eddie replied softly. "But Mommy and Daddy will never leave you and Bella, okay? We will always come back, sweetie. You get to stay with Faith and play with her girls and the animals, won't that be fun?"

"Yeah, but I'm going to miss you and Daddy. Will you call every night and come back to pick us up?"

"We can't call you honey," Eddie replied. "We aren't going to a place with a phone, but we will come and pick you up. Mommy and Daddy need a few days alone to get better at being Mommy and Daddy to you and Bella." Eddie and Jamie both believed if they were strong as husband and wife, they would be strong as parents.

Mary's eyes rounded starting to tear, "So we won't hear from you or Daddy? I'm going to miss you so much."

"It's okay, Buttons," Jamie soothed. "You know sometimes Mommy and Daddy leave you with the babysitter, but we always come home, right? And what do we do when we come home?" Jamie nuzzled her.

"We have a snuggle party and talk and watch movies," Mary sniffled softly. "I love you Mommy, I love you Daddy "

"Yes and we will have the biggest snuggle party ever!" Jamie replied. "Bella is big enough now to snuggle too, you take good care of Bella and work hard in therapy, make us proud."

Frank watched Jamie and Eddie with Mary and smiled. He saw the couple that they had been before loss, anger, and hurt feelings interfered in their marriage. A weaker couple may not have made it, but they did. Jamie and Eddie were a team, a solid pair once again.


	45. Chapter 44

Chapter Forty-Four

It was hard to break away from her, but a few minutes later, Jamie and Eddie did leave the party and headed for the private cottage. Their friends had, of course, fixed it up for them, food, tea, flowers and a handmade Amish quilt for their bed as a gift. Jamie took Eddie in his arms, their lips met as the sun started to set behind the clouds.

Eddie ran her lips along Jamie's jaw, letting her tongue tease his ear lobe. It was one of his favorite things. His legs buckled and he held onto Eddie for strength. His hands came around her hips and worked on the trail of delicate buttons at the back of her dress. He wanted to see his wife in all her beautiful glory.

They took their time. The sun set and the moon rose as they gently loved each other and rediscovered themselves as husband and wife.

Jamie took control, Eddie liked that about him. She sometimes liked to take the lead, but typically she was content to match Jamie's movements, and let him steer the level of their intimacy, it wasn't his demand, it was her choice.

His hands worked her bosom, his lips teased her nipples; her hands massaged his sex, relishing in the firm heat and tension she felt there. Her firm hand moved up and down and to create an even greater fever pitch. He moaned in response, but did not sink into her. He dropped his lips and kissed a trailed down her chest to her belly, then finally to the delicate folds between her legs. She cried out and arched her hips as he teased and caressed her. Jamie slid back up to look deeply into her eyes, joining their bodies.

They fit perfectly, always had, as if by grand design their bodies had been made to complement one another. As Jamie brought Eddie closer and closer to the edge she cried out his name with near reverence. He felt whole burrowed deep inside of her, nothing ever made either of them feel as complete as this.

They made love through the night, slowly one time, then fevered the next. When the sun rose over the cottage and the rooster crowed in the distance, they slept deeply and blissfully in each other's arms.

They stayed in that bliss for three days enjoying sunrises on the porch and sunsets walking and holding each other. They sat out in front of the house wrapped in each other's arms Eddie's head on his shoulder

"What are you thinking?" he asked gently.

"I'm thinking how nice this is, how right it feels being together like this," Eddie smiled.

Eddie laid her head on Jamie's shoulder, "This time together has been such a gift. I do miss our girls, but it's a blessing to be able to focus on our marriage and our soulful connection."

"It's been perfect. I'm enjoying being husband and wife," Jamie agreed.

Jamie twirled Eddie's hair around his finger. He kissed her and stroked her arms. "Tomorrow we go back to reality."

"Yeah, but we'll always remember this. We should take a day here and there just for us," Eddie murmured.

"Date night once a week," Eddie continued. "And at least once every two months we do a weekend..."

"Yeah I like that idea," Jamie whispered in her ear and placed a kiss on her temple.

"What do you want to do the rest of the night?"

Jamie smiled at her, "Anything you want, I just want to be with you."

"Then let's make love." Jamie leaned his head down meeting her lips while pulling her body closer to him.

They got into the buggy Jamie borrowed from Levi and Ruth and took Eddie to a secluded covered bridge near the pond. "It's so pretty here look at the moon shinning down on the water."

"I can see why so many cherish this," Eddie replied. "I can see us being here together, growing old together..."

"It's so peaceful here," Jamie agreed hugging her tight. "Are you cold?"

"No, but I need to snuggle more anyway..." Eddie tipped her head up. "Kiss me...make love to me to right here."

She didn't wait for Jamie to take the lead though. Eddie moved over him and unbuttoned his shirt to display his smooth, muscled chest. The chest she laid her head on, the chest she cried into, the chest where he held their babies to keep them warm and safe. She loved to look at it, to touch it, and she did, running her hands and then her lips along the skin.

She worked down slowly, sliding his shirt totally to the side before focusing on his pants.  
He was excited for her, he wanted her as badly as she wanted him, but he was content to let her take the lead and set the pace.

She surprised him by quickening her assault on his senses, she seemed to be everywhere, her lips were on his lips, her tongue swirling inside his mouth. The wagon bucked a bit as he arched instinctually closer to her body.

Their hands battled as they stripped off the remaining clothing, wanting nothing between them. She straddled him as if riding one of the roan horses hitched to the buggy and set a fevered pace he was more than happy to keep up with.

Jamie held her tightly as they laid together, the moonlight reflecting off the water. He moved with her to the back of the wagon, and slid his arms around her kissing her gently. "I love you Eddie," Jamie softly whispered meeting her eyes.

"I love you," she sighed. "Making love here under the stars is a memory I'll treasure for life," Jamie smiled.

They slept out under the stars and made love again covered in the morning dew. Together they cleaned the cottage, folded their beautiful quilt and then headed home to their girls. It was chore time and Mary busily took to helping with the animals while Bella giggled.

Eddie and Jamie stood by and smiled at Mary she didn't see them she was so invested. She carefully made sure everything was how Rachel wanted picking up the brush to groom the horse.

Eddie moved closer to Faith and smiled, "She didn't even miss us, did she?"

Faith turned smiling too, "Hey, she did but we kept her busy, she's a great helper."

Jamie nudged Eddie up, "Come on let's go get our girls."

Eddie gave Faith one more smile, "Thank you so much for taking care of them."

"It was our pleasure," Faith replied as Jamie went to tickle Mary's side.

Mary jumped turning back smiling wide. "Daddy!"

"Hey, Buttons! Look at you being a big girl!"

"Daddy, I helped Miss Faith with all her animals!"

"You did, I can see that!" Jamie smiled as Eddie approached with a cooing Bella.

"Mommy!" Mary dropped the brush reaching out for a hug.

Faith and her husband watched the little family reunite. Faith invited Eddie in while Jamie helped Mary finish her chores.

"How did it go with Jamie?" Faith asked pouring some tea.

Eddie beamed, "It was the most romantic three days of our lives."

"Great I'm so glad," Faith smiled too happy for them.

"We made love under the stars and it just felt so deep and connected," Eddie gushed.

"Sounds like you had a great time," Faith smiled.

"We did..." Eddie continued to dish on the day and the time they shared together. Faith listened smiling the entire time happy they got to reconnect.

Jamie carried Mary to the car then called Eddie to come with Bella. Eddie stood, "I can't thank you enough for watching the girls"

"It's our pleasure as always," Faith replied. "Take care and we'll see you soon."

Eddie thanked her again going to the car smiling at their girls. "Did you have fun Mary?"

"Yes," she replied. "And we went to Hershey Park too!"

"You did huh?" Eddie smiled at her catching Jamie's eyes.

"We did! We did all the rides I was big enough for..." Mary bragged. "And Bella went on the horses and wasn't scared because I held her hand!"

"You are such a great big sister Bella is lucky to have you." Jamie smiled, glancing Eddie, happy at how things were now.

Mary shrugged, to her this wasn't anything special just what you did when you loved someone.

Jamie was putting the girls to bed several nights later. Eddie had a bit of a headache and was resting. His phone rang just as he shut the light off in Mary's room. Sighing Jamie quickly hurried into the room grabbing his phone. "Hello?"

"Jamie," Frank's voice was husky with emotion and sorrow. "Jamie, oh God...uh...' He didn't have the words.

"Dad, what's wrong?" Jamie asked softly, heart dropping at the sound of his father's voice.

"Oh God..." Frank began. "It's...It's uh, Linda...She...She's gone, Jamie. Linda is gone."

"What? Dad, what? When? How did it happen?" Jamie let a breath out sitting on the bed

"Helicopter crash," Frank replied." Danny is in shock, the boys are in shock, but he didn't want to call and tell you so I did it..." Jamie could tell from Frank's voice his expectation.

"I know Dad, let me talk to Eddie? I'm glad you called..." Jamie ended the call sitting to let the shock pass.

Eddie stepped out of the hot shower and smiled, "They go down...what is wrong?" She could tell by the expression on his face.


	46. Chapter 45

Chapter Forty- Five

Jamie took a deep breath, "Eddie come here a second honey."

"Are you okay?" Eddie asked. "You look really pale, are the girls all right?"

Jamie reached his arms out pulling Eddie on his lap. "The girls are fine Eddie, Dad just called me."

"Is he okay?" she asked softly. "Jamie, this look is scaring me."

"Yeah he's fine...it's Linda, she was killed in a helicopter crash."

"Oh, my God! Oh, Jamie, I'm so sorry honey, I'm so sorry!"

"I knew Linda since I was a kid Eddie she was like a sister. Everyone is in shock."

"I'm so sorry," Eddie replied and immediately went to rock him in her arms. "When do we leave?"

Jamie looked up at her in surprise.

"This is your family, Jamie. You need to say goodbye, you're the boys' uncle, and Danny is your brother. I know you can't live with yourself if you don't go home and I don't want to put you in that place. If I can't see him, then I'll stay back with the girls and be there for you when you are done" Eddie kissed him softly.

"Thank you Eddie um let the girls sleep, I'll pack then we can go," Jamie said quietly.

"Jamie, it's late and we're both tired. It's only a three and half hour drive, let's go in the morning," Eddie whispered. "Let's rest tonight."

Jamie sighed quietly holding her tight, "Okay, first thing tomorrow."

"Yes, first thing tomorrow," Eddie replied. "What can I do for you tonight?"

"Hold me Eddie, just be here," Jamie spoke softly brushing his hand over hers

"You got it..." she whispered softly. "I'm not leaving, okay. I'm never going to ever leave again."

"Thank you Eddie," Jamie held her laying his head on her shoulder quietly.

His grip tightened around her, "We wasted a lot of time being hurt and angry, something like this really makes you regret that."

"It's over now we worked it out," Eddie nuzzled him laying against his chest

"I know," Jamie sighed. "But I'll never forgive myself for the time we lost, for all we lost."

Eddie picked her head up kissing him gently, "Let's make the most of now."

Jamie slid his arms around her waist and pulled her to him, they didn't have to speak.

It was slow and sweet something they both needed. Afterward, Eddie held Jamie in her arms kissing his forehead, nose, then lips. Reassuring him they would face this together.

It was a tough loss, even she felt the pain at the loss of a woman she cared for deeply enough to have her witness her wedding to Jamie, twice. "Those poor boys," Eddie sighed. "When my mother died, I was Sean's age, but Momma she..." Eddie had never discussed this with him before.

Jamie looked up at her encouraging her, "Tell me about her Eddie?"

"She was beautiful," she replied softly. "She was petite and gentle and she always smelled like lilac water. I love that scent to this day. She had a very bad heart as a result of having scarlet fever as a child, and I remember her being in a wheelchair several times from being so weak...by the time I was thirteen and went to boarding school she was bedridden and she died a year later."

"I'm sorry honey I bet she was beautiful and sweet just like you are," Jamie kissed her

"Oh, compared to me, I'm nowhere near as pretty as she was," Eddie replied. "I wish you would have known her, she would've loved you."

Jamie snuggled her tight. "Same with my mom, she would've just loved you. I guess we both know how hard it is."

"I'll focus on the boys, I'll help them and I'll hold my tongue on everything else," Eddie promised.

Jamie smiled, "Thank you Eddie." He lay his head on her shoulder.

Jamie and Eddie didn't sleep much that night, they lay awake counting one another's breaths.

Jamie got up very early and called the undersheriff to go over the disposition of cases and how Jamie wanted things run.

While he was on the phone Eddie snuck behind him wrapping her arms around his waist

"Don't you worry about a thing," Undersheriff Harris replied. "I'll hold it down, you take care of your family. Are you bringing your girls?"

"Thank you. Yes, we're all going…Eddie and the girls too. I really appreciate it."

"I'll call you a few times a day to keep you updated," Harris replied. "My condolences on your loss."

"Thank you," Jamie ended the call turning to hug Eddie. "Morning."

"Morning," she replied. "We need to go and talk to Mary before we go. I'm not sure how she's going to handle another loss so soon."

Jamie sighed, "Yeah I didn't think of that your right."

"Let's take her some juice and we'll sit down and talk to her. If she melts down, we have time to calm her before we leave," Eddie suggested.

Jamie nodded getting Mary's favorite juice going with Eddie

Mary was just waking up and was reaching to get her little walker so she could get out of bed. She would have to drag her legs until one of her parents put on her braces or cases as she called them. She smiled a huge smile when she saw her Mommy and Daddy.

"Morning Mommy morning Daddy," she greeted happily sitting on the edge of her bed

"Morning, Buttons," Jamie replied. She was so unsuspecting, so innocent, she'd had too much loss in her young life.

"We brought your favorite juice honey," Eddie added taking a seat next to her.

She smiled and took a huge sip, she loved the orange and pineapple blend. Jamie looked at Eddie, he couldn't do this, there was no doubt who was the stronger parent.

Eddie shook her head at him taking the glass when she finished. "Honey Daddy and I want to talk to you."

Mary's eyes opened wide, "I didn't do anything wrong, did I? Did I hurt the little piglet when I dropped him? Miss Faith said I didn't."

Jamie shook his head, "No honey, you didn't do anything wrong, the piggie is fine."

"Then why are you and Mommy sad?" Mary asked. She moved closer to her mother, feeling fear.

"Honey, Grandpa called Daddy, Aunt Linda she... went to visit Joey in Heaven."

Mary sat there for a moment, thinking hard on that one. "It's okay," she said after a minute. "Joey was probably bored with only Pop to play with."

Eddie looked at Jamie surprised. Jamie sat down on the bed, "Honey are you okay?"

Mary nodded, "Are we going back to New York?"

"Yes after breakfast we're going honey. We can help you pack."

"Put on my cases, I got to get something," Mary told her Mommy.

Eddie took the braces putting them on Mary's legs.

Mary went to her little trunk where she kept her treasures and came up with faceless Amish doll, "This goes to where Joey is, for him..."

Eddie teared up, "oh honey that is so sweet."

Mary smiled, "Just don't want him to think we forgot him just because we're all happy now."

"I'm sure he knows how much we miss him. Are you hungry buttons?"

Mary nodded, "Yes, please..." she replied and headed to the kitchen seemingly unaffected by this second family loss.

They were on the road by 10, Bella happy in her car seat cooing and laughing out loud. Jamie drove quietly keeping his eyes on the road solemnly. Eddie did her best to try to and keep the drive light for the kids. They had to stop often for Mary to stretch her legs. They finally made it into New York going straight to Frank's house.

Jamie got out of the car, and went inside first. Danny was gone with the boys to the funeral home so he called Eddie inside.

Frank sat in his chair, Erin and Niki on the couch but they all stood up when Eddie entered. Eddie nodded, "She got big so quickly."

Erin reached out to hold her niece, but she kicked and hid her face.

"That's your Aunt Erin honey, it's okay," Eddie spoke softly.

Erin and Nikki tickled the baby under the chin as Mary showed off to Frank. She was not absorbing the situation yet.

"How's Danny and the boys," Jamie asked his father.

"Holding up, they're in shock," Frank replied. Jamie nodded slowly in understanding.

"How are we going to handle the Eddie and Danny issue?" Frank asked.

Jamie shook his head, "I don't know. She said she'd let me know if she couldn't be around him."

"I'm glad you are here."

"Me too Dad," Jamie replied.

Eddie took the girls to the guest room to get them ready for bed as Danny arrived. She felt badly for him. Jamie approached giving both nephews a big hug first then his brother. "I'm so sorry Danny."

"I don't..." He said barely. "She's gone my heart my...she's gone kid"

"I know Danny come on in guys let's sit down;" Jamie stayed by his brother's side walking to the living room

"You by yourself?" Danny asked.

Jamie shook his head, "the girls are inside."

"Eddie too? She let you come?

"Yeah she wasn't going to keep me from the family. We're doing better now."

"Linda said you were, she was so happy, things were going well for us too, and now…"

Jamie gave a quiet and supportive nod. "I can't imagine, you're not alone though."

"You know how it feels to lose part of you and you got her back, Linda isn't coming back."

"No she isn't but shed want you to take care of your boys."

Danny nodded, "Can you have a drink with me? You and me?"

"Let me talk to Eddie," Jamie said softly.

They drank quietly, Jamie focused on Danny and their bond. All he could think about was his own wife

Danny kept pouring his drinks, quietly sitting and drinking

"I think you had enough for now," Jamie sighed. "Come on, let's go get some rest, hmm?"

"You don't tell me when I'm done I'm not done yet," Danny shook his head, eyes red. He held the decanter to the side, he just had to numb the pain.

"Danny, believe me," Jamie replied. "It won't help to get a hangover but..."

Danny chugged the rest of his drink in one swift gulp before setting it down. "She was my everything and now she's gone."

"And your boys are still here," Jamie reminded him. He didn't want Danny to lose those boys in the shuffle of grief.

"Yeah, I know that," Danny sighed looking at the floor, the tears threatening but he couldn't let them go.

"So, let's stop then, and go see the boys, give them hugs and go get some rest all right. Rest really does help."

Danny shook his head, "I can't not yet I just..." he shook his head

Jamie nodded, "One more...just one more okay?"

"Okay," Danny looked up, his eyes bloodshot. "Linda. She's gone I can't believe she's gone. It's all my fault."

Jamie found this pretty ironic he would own his wife's death that was not his fault but didn't own the death that was partially his fault.

Jamie didn't say anything...the hour got later in the silence, "When is the service?"

"We made it for Wednesday and Thursday afternoon and evening. Funeral and burial the next day," Danny choked up and let the tears start to spill thinking of saying goodbye to his beloved wife.

Jamie moved closer, and squeezed Danny's knee in support. He knew better than to console him, there was no consolation for his, his presence was the consolation.

"Okay and tomorrow is Wednesday so let's get some rest now…" Jamie knew he had to get him sleeping this off for him to function.

Danny picked up his drink quickly downing the contents before Jamie could take it away.

"Your boys need you, Danny. Don't let them drift," Jamie advised.

He stared at the younger man for a second shaking his head, "No, they…where are the boys?"

"Upstairs asleep," Jamie soothed. "Dad and Eddie sent them up a while ago. They're okay for now."

"Eddie, Dad good," Danny leaned against the wall.


	47. Chapter 46

Chapter Forty-Six

Eddie stepped down from the stairs and turned toward the den. She heard Jamie's soft voice as he soothed his brother. She didn't mean to overhear, she was passing the den as she came through the kitchen. She heard Danny sob, the pain he was in parallel to the pain she had felt. It was a profound loss, a loss of part of her heart.

She thought about the cup of coffee she had with Linda the day of the vow renewal. Danny carried joeys' death with him, the guilt and the loss…and now the person he could lean on and confide in was gone, that had to be…Eddie decided then to follow the advice of her new Amish friends and embrace Danny, open to him, and release her anger to God…If she could give Linda a last wish, perhaps that was it…

Eddie went to check on Frank, letting Jamie focus on his brother.

Frank sat still in his rocker worried about Danny and his grandsons as he also grieved

"The girls are out like lights," Eddie smiled and got Frank a drink

"Thanks," He spoke softly giving her a grateful smile

"Jamie and Danny are in the den having some time, I hope Jamie can say something that brings peace."

"I do too it isn't easy losing your wife,' Frank sighed

"I can't imagine how that is..." Eddie sighed. "Jamie and I nearly lost each other, but not to death."

"It's very hard and Linda was unexpected," frank looked at her

"I know..." Eddie replied thinking of their Joey. She poured herself a drink.

Frank waited until Eddie settled, "Mary had been sick a long time before she passed it was hard seeing her suffer."

"I can't think about losing Jamie... but if I did I'm not sure which would be harder."

"Hopefully you won't have to go through that." Frank shook his head

"I took a vow, and I will keep it...there for Jamie and whatever is important to him."

Frank nodded. "That's important to remember it isn't always easy."

Eddie nodded, "I am with you there."

Sighing frank sipped his drink lost in thought and worry.

Jamie finally got Danny out of the den and into the living room.

Jamie held onto him. Eddie stood up when she saw them and bit her lip. "Danny..." Linda's words filled her head

"Eddie thanks for coming and letting him come," Danny said

"Linda was my friend and I can't imagine your pain," Eddie replied. "I'm so very sorry for your loss and the boys' loss."

"Thank you," Danny whispered leaning on Jamie, voice hoarse.

"I'm going to help get Danny to bed," Jamie began. "Then I'll come to bed okay?" Eddie nodded, "Take your time."

Jamie helped his brother upstairs getting him into bed. "Get some rest."

Jamie shut the light and went to find Eddie. She was in the bed in his old room with her arms wide open.

He smiled, going right to her, lying down. "I missed you Eddie."

"I missed you too..." She whispered. "All I thought about all night was how I don't want to be apart from you

Jamie leaned in giving her a long kiss. "Me too, really appreciate you letting me go though."

"I didn't let you go, we decided together, I'm so glad you have been so considerate of my feelings through this."

"I don't want to lose you again," Jamie said holding her tight

She kissed him deeply, "You won't lose me. I'm here and I love you so"

He smiled snuggling her tight kissing her temple.

They let Danny sleep it off, Eddie and Erin stepped in to make breakfast for the boys, the girls, Frank and Jamie. While they were cooking, Eddie felt her face flush and she almost tottered to a chair to sit down.

"Eddie are you okay?" Erin quickly turned to help her a look of concern on her face.

"I don't know," she replied. "I got really dizzy suddenly and felt so hot. Is it hot in here?"

"It's comfortable, here sit down for a few minutes I'll get you water."

Eddie smiled and took the water that Erin offered. She looked a little pale, "Should I call for Jamie?"

Eddie shook her head slowly, "No, um I'm just going to sit for a few minutes."

Erin went back to cooking, and in a few minutes, Eddie got up to help. "I'll take the biscuits and eggs out, I'll let Jamie know he can bring Mary down."

"Thanks, I'll finish up down here if you're sure you're okay," Erin asked concerned

"Yeah, probably just tired..." Eddie gave a smile. She wasn't so sure.

Eddie went upstairs to get Jamie slowly, "Hey time to wake up honey."

He rolled over and gave her a big hug, "Do I smell bacon and eggs?"

"Maybe," Eddie smiled nuzzling him. "How'd you sleep?"

"Well with you here..." Jamie replied. "Let's go eat while it's hot. I'll bring the girls down. I hear Bella."

Eddie paused giving him another kiss before heading downstairs again. Erin was setting the food out when she was joined by Frank.

"Danny is not feeling like breakfast this morning," Frank replied. "I took care of him and he's resting again. Boys, sit down and eat, then if you want to see some friends before the service your father said it was okay."

Sean and jack silently slid into their seats staring at the plates in front of them.

Eddie walked up behind Jack and Sean and gently gave them big hugs and kisses. She, of all people knew there weren't words.

Jack didn't look up, taking a deep breath holding back sobs. Sean nodded his head at Eddie in thanks.

The meal was quiet and solemn except for Bella. Mary knew to be quiet because people were sad, but Bella babbled and laughed and kicked in all her six-month-old glory.

Frank kept an eye on the boys worrying mostly for them and his oldest. They finished together heading upstairs to get ready.

Bella was once again the joy of the room. She was happy and distracting to the adults. "Did you bring those black leggings with the little cherries?"

"Yes I did," Eddie answered with a small nod.

"I thought she could wear that since Linda got it for her and Mary has that dress?"

"I thought the same thing. I brought a black dress for Mary."

Jamie nodded, "You okay? You look pale."

"Yeah I'm okay," Eddie replied distracted.

"Good," Jamie smiled "I know what this is costing you. I do know..."

Eddie looked up at him "It is, but I understand, I'm not making you choose."

She moved closer to him and kissed him softly, "I love you and I am always going to be by your side." Eddie felt a strange flutter and took a deep breath. "We better get ready."

Jamie took her hand stopping her. "I love you Eddie, thank you."

"Go on and get ready...I might need you to help get Mary in a dress."

Jamie gave her another lasting kiss then stood up to start getting ready."

Danny was respectable by the time he got to the funeral home. It was packed with people, flowers and pictures. His eyes teared up seeing Linda smiling in so many pictures, holding onto their boys.

Jamie reached out and squeezed Danny's shoulder wanting to get his brother through this." Taking a deep sigh, Danny gave a quiet nod, walking in slowly.

The family paid their respects then stood to receive others. All the while Eddie fought shortness of breath and dizziness. Mary stayed close to her mom nervous at all the new faces

"What's the matter, Buttons?" Jamie asked. "Your legs hurt?"

"To many people daddy I don't know all these people."

"No," Jamie replied. "You don't...they are friends of Aunt Linda and Uncle Danny. You want Daddy to hold you?" She nodded reaching up shyly burying her head in his shirt

Eddie found a chair and sat down. She felt like her legs didn't want to hold her. "Eddie are you okay honey," Jamie looked at her.

"Yeah," Eddie replied. "I think I over ate a bit."

"Rest honey," Jamie held Mary, studying Eddie, concerned.

"I'm going to check on the boys"

"You need to rest after that okay Eddie" Jamie said softly

"I think it's almost my time of the month, too." Jamie raised an eyebrow at her nodding quietly

Eddie got up and stepped outside, "Columbia Presbyterian, cardiology unit."

The operator transferred her to the cardiology unit, "Yes ma'am."

"I would like an appointment please, as soon as possible. I live in Lancaster and I'm here for a family funeral."

"Sure when is the earliest time you can come in?

"Friday afternoon. I'm only asking because my mother died from cardiomyopathy." Eddie replied.

The nurse typed, "We have late morning and midafternoon."

"Midafternoon will work, thanks," Eddie replied "Now she just had to hide it from Jamie."

They went through the motions, it was very hard for everyone. Eddie stood by the casket with Jamie. They held onto each other.

"Bye Linda I promise to look after the boys for you," Jamie sighed

"I remember all you said," Eddie told her friend. "I am going to turn things around."

Jamie pulled Eddie closer kissing her gently. "Rest in peace Linda."

Neither Danny nor the boys spoke, Jack and Sean sitting lifeless on the couch


	48. Chapter 47

Chapter Forty Seven

They went upstairs early, Mary and Bella went to bed early too. Eddie looked at Jamie and Danny, "Jamie, can you wait for me? I want to talk to Danny."

Jamie looked at her studying the expression on Eddie's face.

"Linda asked me to consider starting to let go, now is as good a time as any" Eddie kissed Jamie's lips. "It's okay."

"Okay I love you Eddie." Jamie headed upstairs

Eddie stepped over to where Danny sat and took a deep breath. "I remember the last conversation I had with Linda."

He looked up at her quietly eyes bloodshot and teary, "yeah?"

"Yeah," Eddie replied. "I was so glad she was there with us, and I know you'd have liked to have been there too, but that...I...wasn't able to forgive you yet, for what happened...but she asked me this, she asked me to consider how you felt being a part of this and I want to ask you how you feel about that?"

Danny shook his head, "I couldn't sleep Eddie no matter how hard I tried I'd toss and turn."

Eddie nodded, "We all lost a lot of sleep over it, and it is a terrible thing that happened, he was only three years old, we'll never know what he could have been...we'll never know that, but I have thought about a lot and you are suffering too, you hurt too and my grudge wasn't bring my baby back. It wasn't doing anything but hurting people more and I want to stop that hurt, I want to stop it now."

"Thank you Eddie I'm so sorry for what happened I never meant," he choked up

"I know," Eddie replied. "I know. You just...sometimes you are very cavalier, and I know that's not the real Danny, that's not the Danny Linda loved, but when he shows up..."

Danny nodded, "now she's gone," he breathed in unevenly holding back a sob.

"I know," Eddie moved closer. "I know she is. She told me life was too short and believe me, I know it is as well as you, as well as anyone." Eddie took a breath and stepped closer wrapping Danny in her arms. "I forgive you, Danny. That was Linda's wish and it's mine too, I hope you'll forgive yourself because Linda was not your fault."

"Everything was my fault Eddie Joe now Linda maybe I should have taken the bullet that night."

Eddie took a deep breath, "No...No one should have died that day. No one should have been there, you were under a serious threat, you should have been safe, we all should have been safe..."

"I know that and it was my fault. Linda was my whole world and now..."

"She wasn't your whole world, she was a huge part of it, but you have your boys, your family...Jamie...and me too...I'm here too." She hoped this would help Danny heal.

"Thank you that really means a lot to me," Danny spoke softly.

"It's always going to hurt, it's going to hurt all of us, you and me...and Mary and Jamie, but we can put it behind us, if Joe and Linda taught us nothing else, let's say life is short..." Eddie felt a twinge in her back as a dizzy spell came on.

Danny sniffed hard nodding his head, "Yeah that's what they would want right?"

"That's what they would want...and it's what I want...I hope you do too." Eddie moved to stand up, she was so tired but the living room lurched.

"Eddie hey are you all right," Danny reached out to catch her setting her on the couch

"Yeah, just having a little trouble sleeping, I got dizzy," she replied. "I'm fine, just fine. We don't need to upset Jamie with this, okay? Let this be our truce secret?"

"Okay but Jamie would worry if something happened at least get checked."

"I'm sure when things settle down I'll feel better," Eddie smiled. "Get some rest Danny, you need it...we all need it."

"You too and thanks Eddie." Danny gave one more look before heading upstairs

Eddie felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders after talking with Danny. She was ready to start moving on and being a part of the family again. The funeral was sad and crowded so many people wanting to say goodbye.

Jamie stood by his brother's side the whole time to be there for him and the boys.

Eddie stayed by Jamie, Mary didn't understand all of the procedures of a funeral.

She watched, her little eyes taking in everything she saw.

When it was time to go she looked up at Eddie, "Mommy, when can we give Joey the dolly?"

"Do you want to visit him and give the doll?" Eddie asked

Mary nodded, "Yes, I do. We said remember?"

"Yes we did okay let's go see Joe," Eddie nodded.

"No, we don't have his doll, we have to come back._

"Okay honey I'll talk to daddy and we'll come back."

Mary nodded and went along on her walker and braces staying close to Eddie

Gormley approached Danny, Jamie by his brother's side offering his condolences

They went back to the house to receive their guests. Eddie would soon sneak off for her appointment. Then she would speak to Jamie about Mary's request

Eddie waited until the right time to slip out. With her car keys in hand she headed for her appointment, nervous at what she might find.

She vowed to tell Jamie everything as soon as she knew.

Eddie sat tapping her leg in the waiting room, until finally she was called in.

"Eddie...come on back, Dr. Peters will see you now."

Eddie took a nervous breath following the nurse in.

She filled out all the forms then waited. "So Eddie, what makes you think you could have a heart problem? What are your symptoms?"

"I've been feeling really lightheaded and weak all of a sudden. My mom had heart issues..."

"Well that is hereditary at least sometimes so we should certainly look into that. Some basic questions...any chance you could be pregnant?" Eddie thought, "A small chance, Jamie usually takes precautions but there was one time when we didn't."

"Okay well let's see so we can rule out some possibilities."

Eddie smiled and the doctor handed her a specimen cup, "Let's check the urine sample, then I can see that it's safe for me to go further with the tests."

Eddie nodded going into the bathroom coming out with a full cup

"This won't take long so why don't you rest a few minutes then we will have the results."

"Thank you," Eddie laid down on the bed waiting until the doctor came back.

It was only a few moments before the doctor returned. "Well, it appears that congratulations are in order. You are definitely pregnant."

Eddie sat up in shock. "Pregnant, but it was only once…we only did that once."

Dr. Peters smiled, "Once is all it took. There is no doubt about it. I have my sonogram machine here for cardiac tests, let's take a look at your heart to be on the safe side, then we'll sneak a peek at the little one. I'll give you a referral to a doctor in Lancaster to oversee the pregnancy."

Eddie smiled brightly, "Yes, oh I'm so happy! This is such a blessing." Eddie had tears of happiness running down her cheeks.

The doctor first scanned Eddie's heart, "This looks good, it's perfect size, good motion, good rhythm, I don't think there is anything to worry about here but I will run some blood tests ahead of you going home. Let's take a quickly look at the baby…"

The gel was cold, Eddie couldn't stop smiling as the doctor moved the transducer over her belly. "Oh goodness," he smiled. "Look here…this is your baby, about eight weeks old with a steady heartbeat. And this is also your baby with the same steady heartbeat. It's twins."

Eddie was speechless, she took the pictures the doctor offered and headed back to the house in a fog. It was only the once, they had been careful otherwise, it was just the one time in Bella's room…just the once.

Eddie was excited and exhausted when she got back to the house. The repast was winding down, so she had to hold her tongue a little longer. Jamie was playing with Bella, he would come look for her soon, but thankfully, not yet. She wasn't quite ready to tell him yet, but she would.

Jamie went up to put Bella down for a nap, Mary was happy with Frank and Erin so he could see if Eddie snuck off to the bedroom. He hadn't seen her in a while but the house was loaded with people.

After giving Bella a kiss Jamie smiled, "Love you," he whispered.

She cooed in her sleep then Jamie went to check on Eddie.

Eddie was sitting on the bed staring at the ultrasound photo. She still could not believe that one time they were careless results in her pregnancy, but she couldn't contain her excitement much longer. If it wasn't for the funeral meal finishing up downstairs she would have leapt into his arm with sheer glee.

Jamie poked his head into the room they were sharing and smiled at her, "There you are, I was wondering where you got off to. Erin said she thought she saw you leave…"

Eddie took a deep breath. "I did leave. I had an appointment at Columbia this afternoon. I haven't been feeling well actually. I've been getting dizzy, short of breath, very tired and after my mother...so I made an appointment."

"Why didn't you tell me Eddie? I would have gone with you. What did the doctor say are you all right?" Jamie felt the panic rising in his throat, he couldn't lose her too. Not after all this, and she was so calm about it.

"He said I will be all right, and he gave me these to help with my energy level," Eddie reached into her purse and handed him a bottle of prenatal vitamins.

"Eddie what did the doctor say was wrong with you," Jamie asked moving closer and studying the pill bottle in her hand. It sunk in then as he looked at the bottle of pills in her hand, "Prenatal...these are the vitamins you took with Mary, Joe, and Bella...are you...are you?" Eddie took the ultrasound picture out of her bag.

Jamie held the picture, as he looked at Eddie sputtering, "But…I was using…until you got back on and it was the one time when we didn't…I couldn't be happier, Eddie, this is such a gift from God."

The tears ran down her cheeks as they hugged for a long time, thinking of the new life they had created, or lives as the case was. They sat down, arms around each other as Jamie looked at the picture, "These things are always so confusing...Where is the baby again?" Eddie smiled, "The baby is here," Eddie pointed to one of the little colored blobs. "And here...there are two."

"Two? Twins," Jamie whispered looking at the picture again shocked but smiling.

"Yes, it's going to be twins!" Eddie smiled. "It was only the one time that we but...it was just the once..."

He leaned in close placing a gentle kiss to her lips. "I love you Eddie I love you so much."

Eddie laid her head on Jamie's chest and breathed deeply. She wasn't sure how they would handle two new babies with Bella so young...but this was a gift from God they would accept whole heartedly.

Jamie hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head smiling happily.

They kept the news to themselves until later that night when everyone but Frank was gone home or to bed. It was way too early to tell Mary and the other family but Frank was special.

Eddie and Jamie sat on the couch, Jamie with his arm around her. "Dad Eddie and I wanted to talk to you."

Frank smiled, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah everything is better actually. We wanted you to be the first we told," Eddie said.

"Oh..." Frank sat up as they smiled at each other.

"You're going to be a grandfather again," Jamie told him.

"And it's twins!" Eddie gushed. "You see here is one and there is the other.

Frank's eyes watered looking between the two dots, "oh my goodness that is fantastic news."

His eyes watered finally tears of happiness.

Jamie had to battle his own emotions, he could feel their little boy with them, he could feel Joe and Vinny...then he got an idea...

Jamie laid beside Eddie that night still studying the picture. He was thinking about their son and how they could keep his memory alive. His hand stroked her still flat belly absently, the same way that he would do when she grew heavy and round for the fourth time, preparing to bring forth two new children.

Eddie noticed his silence, he was happy about the twins, that was evident in his smile and his tears when they told Frank their news, but now he had gone quiet. She knew he was thinking of their Joey.

"Are you okay Jamie?" Eddie asked looking up at him from her spot on his chest.

"I was thinking..." He replied. "If the babies are boys or if one is a boy, I'd like them or him to have the middle name Joseph. And if it's just one boy perhaps Vincent Joseph?"

Eddie smiled, "I really like that name, it's a good way to remember Vinny and Joey and Joe as well. I love that choice. What if we have two boys?"

"I was thinking Anthony...for Renzulli, he knew we should be together before we did..." Jamie kissed her head. "And he really helped me during the separation, he really helped my perspective."

Eddie thought a moment, "Vincent Joseph and Anthony Joseph, I love that. We're half way there, remember how long it took us to decide on Bella?"

Jamie laughed remembering how difficult that indeed was. Mary and Joey's names came easy, but Bella…that was a chore. "So what if they are girls or one girl?" Eddie asked.

Jamie chewed his lip to think about that, "What do you think?"

"I still want to remember Joey... Something that goes with Josephine maybe?"

"How about Josephine Mary for one of the girls and Lena Josephine for your mother for another girl?"

Eddie smiled and nodded, "Perfect, we are so good at this."

Smiling Jamie kissed her head, "I love you Eddie."

She turned in his arms and inhaled his scent..."I can't wait to meet them, I can't wait."


	49. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Jamie!" Eddie called from the recliner in the living room. "Faith! Rachel! Who's here?" Eddie had been napping in the recliner, the one chair that was comfortable for her just two weeks shy of her due date.

Jamie walked in from the kitchen wiping his hands, "What's wrong, honey?"

"I have to pee, and I'm stuck..." Eddie grouched.

Smiling, Jamie went over helping Eddie to her feet. "I got you honey." Jamie eased her out of the chair and slid an arm around her back to brace her as they walked slowly to the bathroom.

"This is getting really old...are you still working today?" she wanted him home, but he was a very important man, the Sheriff. He had been really quiet the last few days and she wanted to get to the bottom of that. "Jamie what's bothering you?' she asked point blank.

"What do you mean?" Jamie asked walking with her to the bathroom wanting to help as much as he could. He didn't' want to transfer his stress to her.

"You're very quiet lately and I see you staring at me...with a look..."

Jamie sighed. "It's just...we have a lot to lose honey, are you sure you don't want to reconsider having the babies in the hospital."

Eddie wanted this Amish midwife, Mrs. Fleischer to come out for the delivery, she wanted to have her baby in the community of her their friends, but as the days got closer, Jamie was anxious about it.

"No, I trust the midwife Jamie she's good. She's delivered almost every baby in the community, if I had any doubts trust me I would change my mind." Eddie leaned up on her tip toes and kissed his lips gently.

Jamie nodded, this was her body, she had to handle herself with his support. "Okay, but a squad will be outside in case for my peace of mind."

Eddie gave a smile, "I wouldn't expect anything less Sheriff now I really have to pee."

Jamie gave Eddie a kiss as she felt a pop and a gush of water.

"Jamie oooh," Eddie groaned holding onto him taking in a deep breath.

"Uh oh...okay..." Jamie soothed. 'Okay. Let's get you to bed and I'll have Faith go for the midwife." Eddie insisted on the Amish midwife and their community of friends to surround her.

Wrapping an arm around her waist he helped Eddie to bed calling for Faith.

Jamie got Eddie into bed and ran next door to Faith. "It's baby time," he smiled.

Faith jumped up with a smile, following him. "Thanks Faith," Jamie smiled going right back to Eddie's side, excited and nervous.

"This isn't going to be like Bella's birth," she replied. "They are coming steady..."

Jamie kissed her head, "I love you Eddie I'm right here with you."

Eddie rubbed her belly, taking a deep breath and focusing on Jamie's hand in hers. "Look at me Eddie focus on me honey. Nice deep breaths," Jamie encouraged.

Eddie inhaled and relaxed her jaw, she was an old hand at this by now. "There...can you break up some ice cubes for me?"

"Of course," Jamie reached for the cup breaking up the ice.

"Hello," Faith called. "It's Faith, Rachel and Mrs. Fleischer."

"Hey come on in," Jamie looked up as the two women came in smiling at them.

"Amos and Levi will be over soon, Rachel smiled. "Rebecca is here to take the girls."

Jamie smiled, he was so glad he and Eddie had talked to the girls about what would happen earlier, so they wouldn't be scared. Mary's separation anxiety had eased so much the last few months so that she would go off to play without tears and upset. She would be settled for the duration, however long it took for Eddie to deliver the twins. Jamie would be there the entire time, just as he was three times before. The birth of their children was always a deep and personal connection.

"It feels easier this time around," Eddie replied. "But I need you here, I need your hand, your voice...I need you here."

"I'm right here Eddie and I'm staying right here," Jamie kissed her forehead then lips.

And he did.

Their eyes met, and Jamie's hand clamped down over Eddie's. There were no words, they didn't need them, Eddie's body knew what to do and Jamie knew how to coach her. After five pushes, they heard the musical sound of the baby's cry.

"Congratulations you have one very healthy baby." Jamie smiled looking over to see his new baby

Faith took the tiny baby to get it cleaned up while Eddie focused on delivering their second one. "Come on, honey, you can do it!"

Eddie groaned squeezing his hand focusing on her breathing until they heard another cry

"There you go," the midwife smiled. "You did it eddie," Jamie praised. 'You did it..." Eddie pushed up and was reaching for her babies, she had to know now what she had delivered.

Both babies were wrapped in blue blankets, their eyes closed. "Boys, both boys," Jamie whispered.

"Oh, Jamie, they are perfect, so perfect," she gushed and held both their sons while Jamie held her. "We'll give the new parents some time," Rachel smiled stepping out of the room with the other ladies

"They sure are Eddie, I'm proud of you honey," Jamie kissed her head gently

"I'm proud of us," Eddie replied. "They need names, though...do you still want to use the names we picked out?"

"Yeah, I do I think they're perfect," Jamie nodded smiling.

"Welcome to the world Vincent Joseph and Anthony Joseph..." Eddie whispered. "They are perfect names, memorializing your partner and TO, and of couse our Joey and your brother...go and call your father...they family needs to come and see..."

Jamie and Eddie laid quietly with their boys for a half hour then the door slowly opened and Faith walked in with Mary and Bella. "Mommy, Daddy we couldn't see you for a long time," Mary walked in holding her sister's hand.

"Hi," Eddie smiled. "Come up on the bed here. Your new brothers are here."

Faith helped the girls up smiling as they looked at the sleeping babies.

Mary smiled, "You will like having brothers, I did." Mary reached into her pocket and took out a single unlit candle. "We need to wish and blow, Mommy."

"Yes we do honey." Jamie sat down with his family, arm around Eddie. They blew out the imaginary flame, and admired the twins once more. Eddie shut her eyes and felt a soft puff of air across her face...she knew in her heart that was her Joey, blowing out that candle with his family once again.

Jamie carried Mary then Bella to their beds and tucked them in kissing each one softly. He returned to the bedroom and gently moved each of the twins to his arms. "Come on guys, let's let Mommy sleep a little."

Eddie gave a tired smile, eyes closing quickly, "Love you Jamie."

Jamie carried the boys and sat down in the rocker. "Oh my guys..." He sighed. ,"Do you know how much we love you."

The boys gave quiet coos both fast asleep in his arms.

"Daddy is going to be there for you two, and teach you how to grow up ready to be family men or whatever kind of men you want to be. I promise I'll protect you, I promise I'll do a better job than I did for Joe."

Eddie leaned against the doorway wondering what was taking Jamie, stopping to listen.

"I did mess up and I won't forgive myself..." Jamie sighed. "I won't make the same mistake with you...I love you so much...you two are our blessings.

Eddie sighed quietly stepping in, "They are our blessings and you are a great father Jamie."

They had come through a terrible storm, a lot of good, a lot of bad, but one thing was for sure, anything they did or had to do they would do together...And then there were six.


End file.
